


Hi Sam's mom...

by Mrs_Understood



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Normal High School, Artist Steve Rogers, BAMF Natasha Romanov, Blood and Gore, Blood and Torture, Bruce Banner & Tony Stark Friendship, F/F, F/M, Highschool AU, Hurt Loki (Marvel), Injury, Loki (Marvel) Has Issues, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, M/M, Major Character Injury, Medical Torture, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Past Torture, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Natasha Romanov, Protective Steve Rogers, Psychological Torture, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Torture, Wade Wilson Needs A Hug, tw torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:07:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 50
Words: 72,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26723377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mrs_Understood/pseuds/Mrs_Understood
Summary: High school is hard when you fit in. When you are the most chaotic, accident prone, and trouble making teens known to the school halls, things get even harder.The avengers to to high school! Ft. baby Loki and mental illnesses-please head the TW's-
Relationships: Bruce Banner/Thor, Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 541
Kudos: 198





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> TW for   
> -blood  
> -torture  
> -kidnapping  
> -verbal, physical assault  
> -implied/discussed sexual assault (no graphic scenes)  
> -parental abuse/neglect  
> -eating disorders  
> -car crashes 
> 
> *there will not always be a trigger on each chapter please read with caution. if these things will trigger you then read with caution or maybe find a different fic. I do not want to hurt anyone because I can't remember to put triggers. These will not be in every chapter, and many will be treated in a light hearted manner. If while reading you discover another trigger please comment and I will add it to my list. If you believe you will not be effected by the matter I listed above, please continue and enjoy*

“No no dude, it’s good, there’s no way they are gonna see,” Clint whispered to Bucky. “He has the answers right?” 

“Yeah, did we get the hall pass for him?” Bucky whispered back. 

“Uh… I’m pretty sure,” Clint said. “And even if we-” 

“Mr. Barton, Mr. Barnes, want to share with the class?” The teacher asked. 

“No Ma’am,” Clint said, sitting up, inching his backpack in front of Bucky’s. 

“Best behavior, understood?” She said. Both of them nodded, doing their best to keep from smirking. Clint maintained Bucky had an unfair advantage. He could hide behind his hair. “Good. You will have the rest of class to finish the test, once you are done place it on my dest and go back. You have the rest of the day to work on your homework,” She said. 

They flipped over their tests, waiting until she sat back down to unzip Bucky’s backpack. “Okay Steve, question one?” 

“Uh… it says  the point (1, -4) is the VERTEX of the graph of f(x),” Steve whispered, sticking his head out of the backpack. 

“Boys!” The teacher said, standing up. 

“Shit shit shit- what Ma’am?” Clint asked, grinning at her while Bucky tried to zip up the backpack, getting the zipper stuck in Steve’s hair. 

“Would either of you like to explain to me why the backpack is… cursing?” the asked, moving Clint’s with the toe of her shoe. 

“...new trend?” 

~

“You hid Steve in your backpack? And you actually thought it would work?” Natasha asked, peeling a sticker off her apple. “Why?” 

“Because we didn’t study…” Bucky said. 

“This  _ sucks,” _ Clint muttered, kicking at the cafeteria tile with his shoe. “Detention for three days! I’m going to miss so much practice!” 

“Well that’s what you get for joining a billion sports teams,” Sam said. 

“Oh like you wouldn’t if you could,” Bucky shot back. 

“I’m  _ so _ sorry my parents value education over sports,” Sam said, rolling his eyes. 

“Do they or did you just not make the cut?” Tony asked. Sam smacked him with his lunchbox, making Tony giggle. 

“Shut up you’re like eight,” Sam said. 

“I’m 12, excuse you,” Tony said. “And my age is only a insult to the rest of you, given a 12 year old can match you academically,” 

“Say what you want, you’re still sitting on your legs to look taller,” Bruce said, rolling his eyes. 

“It  _ speaks, guys _ look!” Tony said. Bruce flipped him off, picking his book back up. “Aw come on don’t be like that Brucie,”

“Hey has anyone seen Thor?” Steve asked. “I need to give him his ski mask back. It didn’t help, by the way,”

“Of course not, you were in a backpack,” Natasha said. Steve stuck his tongue out at her. “I’ll stab you,” 

“Do it! I’m not afraid to die!” Steve said. 

“No- I spend too much time keeping you alive, don't just  _ throw _ it away,” Bucky said. 

“He had to stay late with another teacher,” Bruce said. “They thought Loki was he’s again,” Ever sense things had somewhat  _ devolved _ at Thor’s house he’d thought it would be safer to carry his little brother around. Last time he’d left him alone his mother had put him on top of a counter and forgotten him for the rest of the day, leaving Loki crying for hours. He was adored by the entire school, and had  _ quickly _ developed a… interesting vocabulary for a three year old, but the teachers seemed to be convinced that he was actually Thors kid, and kept offering him ‘options’. 

“Oooh,” Steve said. “Did they make Loki stay to?”

“Mmhm,” Bruce said, taking a sip of coffee. His usual stand in for actual lunch. 

“Damn it, we can’t do word of the day,” Bucky said. 

“I was going to teach him how to stab today,” Natasha said. “His wrist movement is all wrong,” 

“You can still watch him during practice,” Clint said, unwrapping his second sandwich. 

“No I’ve got to commute back home,” she said. 

“Nat, it’s scientifically impossible that you are commuting to and from Russia every night,” Bruce said. “Right Tony?” 

“Imposible,” Tony affirmed, taking a bite out of his salad. 

“Don’t chew with your mouth open Tony,” Sam said, elbowing him. Tony smacked him back, sticking his tongue out. 

“вы все меня огорчаете, вы такие глупые Bruce,” Natasha said. 

“Stop that!” Clint said. “What are you  _ saying?” _

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” She said, glaring at him. “Why not learn Russian, then you won’t ask me every time,” 

“It’s  _ hard _ Tasha!” Clint whined. 

“It’s hard- you speak  _ english _ Clint, do you have any idea what learning your language is like?” She asked. 

“She’s right. Statistically, English is the hardest language to learn. I mean the grammar rules are all over the place-” Bruce said. 

“Okay I’m bored now,” Clint said. “Tony, let’s go steal Loki,” 

“Nah I’m going to mess with the teachers,” He said, grinning while pulling out a bag. “These are their phones,” 

“Wh- how?” 

“Nat helped me,” Tony said. “I’m changing their face ID to only work when they look like a facetoned version of their school pictures from the 90’s to make them insecure,” Tony said. 

“I was wondering what you were going to do with all of those,” Natasba said. 

“I’m still trying to get Mrs. Landsburg to quit,” Tony said. “That bitch I swear,” 

“Language,” Steve said. 

“Did you really just-” 

“You’re like four Tony!” 

“I’m 12!”

~

“Why da locker like that?” Loki asked, swinging the hand he was holding with Thor. 

“Like what?” Thor asked, glancing at his phone. 

“Like da blew one and da grey one?” Loki asked. 

“Why are they blue and gray?” Thor asked. Loki nodded aggressively, his curly hair falling in his face. “I don’t know, that’s how the school wanted them I guess,” 

“Why?” 

“I don’t know, maybe they liked it that way,” Thor said. 

“Why?” 

“Because they are weird like that,” Thor said. 

“Why they weird?” Loki asked. 

“Because,” 

“Because why?” 

“Because.” 

“Because why-” 

“Hey you wanna go play with Bruce?” Thor asked. 

“Boots?” Loki asked. 

“Close enough,” Thor said, grabbing Loki and swinging him up on his hip. “Let’s go,” 

“Can I play w’th Boot’s hair?” Loki asked. 

“Uh… sure. Just pout at him first so he says yes,” Thor said. 

“What’za pout?” Loki asked, tilting his head. 

“Look, see the face I’m making?” Thor said, sticking out his bottom lip. “Do that at him,” 

“Okay!” Loki said. “Where we going now?” 

“I’m going to practice, you’re going to play in the bleachers,” Thor said. 

“They bleach?” Loki said. 

“No- it just means like benches,” Thor said, fumbling with the door to the field. 

“Oh… that’s fuck’n weird,” Loki said, making Thor’s eyes widen. 

“Who taught you that word?” Thor asked, pausing. 

“You did. ‘N our friends!” Loki said. “And mommy and daddy,” 

“Oh… I guess that actually makes sense,” Thor said. “Don’t use it though, it’s only for grown ups,” 

“So I use when older?” Loki asked. 

“Sure,” 

~ 

“Yay… go chase the thing!” Bruce yelled half heartedly, watching them do something with the ball. “Loki do you like football?” 

“No, is boring,” Loki said. 

“Yeah,” Bruce said. “Wanna color in the library until it’s over?” He asked. 

“Will I has to be quiet?” Loki asked. 

“I mean… yeah but I’ll buy you apple juice,” Bruce said. 

“Okay!” He said. “Buh bye Thot!” He yelled. 

“I’m sorry what did you call your brother?” Bruce asked, accepting the hand Loki held out to him. 

“Thot. Is his name,” Loki said. 

“...great,” Bruce said. “You know you don’t usually struggle with ‘R’s do you?” 

“I has no idea what you're talking about,” Loki said innocently, grinning at him with perfect baby teeth. 

“Oh boy,” Bruce said. “You’re already a slytherin and you’re only three,” 

“Yea! I’m this many!” Loki yelled, holding up three fingers on both hands. 

“That’s… remind Thor to never leave you alone with me again,” Bruce said. “You exhaust me,” 

“Now the apple one?” Loki asked, looking at the vending machine. 

“Sure-” Bruce started, cut off by a screaming noise from outside. 

“Wha’s that?” Loki asked, slurring his words together slightly. 

“Concerning. Here grab your juice, let’s go check on them,” Bruce said, picking Loki up and rushing outside. “Is everyone alive?” 

“Okay you guys take a break,” The coach yelled. Bucky, Clint, Thor and Steve, who was only technically on the team, jogged over to the fence, looking terrified. “And call the nurse for Steve!” 

“I’m  _ fine!” _ Steve yelled over his shoulder. “Geeze, one tiny respiratory failure episode and everyone loses their shit,” 

“I thought you were  _ dead _ Steve!” Bucky yelled, throwing his hands up. 

“And I thought that life was fair but I guess we were both wrong, huh!” Steve yelled back. 

“You think that’s bad? I just saw Natasha dislocate both her shoulders to turn into a circle,” Clint said. 

“Oh- yeah cheer scares me,” Bucky said, looking over at the cheer team. Natasha was captain, not because she wanted to be, or even liked any of the girls, but because she was too competitive to not try out, and then did too well. 

“Fuck’r,” Loki said. 

“Loki! What did I say about that?” Thor asked. 

“Wha? I’m older,”


	2. Wow kids are tiring, huh?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... i think this is gonna be a thing!

“I hate the school nurse so much,” Steve muttered, flopping back on the awkward little bench table the nurse had had. “Why’d you guys make me come here?” 

“Because you stopped breathing in the middle of practice- Steve! The entire team freaked out!” Bucky said, sitting down next to Steve. 

“Then why’d you take me to the school nurse?” Steve asked, throwing his hands up. “She’s going to give me an ice pack and tell me to rest, watch. 

“Because if I take you to the ER for a fifth time this month, I think that one nurse is going to break down in tears,” Bucky said. “Plus, this way if you drop dead a few hours later, I can maybe get her fired,” 

“Hmpf,” Steve said, crossing his arms. 

“Look, i’m a walrus,” Clint said, sticking the tongue compressors in his mouth. “Narnarnanranr-” 

“Clint that’s disgusting,” Natasha said from the floor. She’d jumped at the opportunity to avoid the rest of practice, even crying a little to get the coach to let her go. 

“Fine,” Clint said. 

“Wh-  _ don’t put them back! _ ” Bruce yelled as Clint threw them back in the pile. “This is why I don’t go to the nurse,” 

“I thought she scared you,” Tony said. 

“It’s not my fault she’s so judgmental,” Bruce said. “One time I needed permission to take migraine medication and she told me I wasn’t getting enough exercise,” 

“What did you do?” Steve asked. 

“...I went for a run,” Bruce said. “She told me to!” 

“You know a migraine is actually a kind of seizure,” Tony said. 

“Shut up you’re like two,” Bruce said, smacking him with his book. 

“12!” 

“Alright, what’s all this noise in here about?” The nurse asked, walking in. “it’s after hours,” 

“Steve stopped breathing,” Bucky said. 

“Hm, sounds like swelling,” She said. “Grab a ice pack out of the chest and get some rest, okay hun?” 

“Yes Ma’am,” Steve said, grabbing one with a pointed look at Bucky. 

“Okay now scram,” She said. “I’m really busy today, m’kay?” 

“Yes Ma’am,” He said again, ducking out. The rest of them followed, although it took Clint a minute to untangle himself from the chair he was sitting in. He was practicing contortion for the circus.

“Hey does anyone have Loki?” Thor asked, once they got out. 

“Uh… I don’t know,” Bucky said, looking around. 

“Did he even go in with us?” Bruce asked. 

“If you have to ask then he probably didn’t,” Natasha commented. 

“Shit- where did you guys see him last?” Sam asked. 

“I had him on the football field,” Bruce said. “I don’t know what happened after that,’ 

“I saw him going into practice,” Clint said. 

“Okay well let’s check the field,” Thor said, jogging out. “Does anyone see him?” 

“No… it looks like everyone left,” Bucky said. “I guess the mascots still here,”

“Who the hell would do that willingly?” Natasha asked. “It’s so gross,” 

“Hey! Dude!” Clint yelled, jogging up to the guy. “Hey! Sorry we’re looking for a kid, he’s like three or something, you seen him?” 

Their mascot -which was named Samuel the Slug, by the way- pointed to the chain link fence, tilting its head. 

“Over there- oh shit he’s on top of the fence!” Clint yelled. “Thanks-  _ guys the slug found him!” _

“Where is-  _ Loki get off of that!” _ Thor yelled, running over to the fence with Clint. “How did you get up there?” 

“There a ladder,” Loki said, matter of factly, climbing down with a smile. “See!” 

“Oh my gosh- don’t do that!” Thor said. Loki seemed unaffected by their worry, still grinning at his accomplishment.

“What? Is fun,” Loki said. “You see  _ everything _ up there,” He said, throwing his arms wide. 

“I swear… okay you’re going to just hold my hand at school from now on, okay?” Thor said. 

“I don like your hand,” Loki muttered. 

“What’s wrong with my hand?” Thor asked. 

“Is stupid hand,” Loki said. “I like Cwints hand better,” He said. 

“Fine, go hold Clint's hand,” Thor said, setting him down. Loki grinned, grabbing Clint's hand and sticking his tongue out at Thor. “But now you have to sleep alone tonight,” 

“Okay I sorry,” Loki said quickly, running back to Thor. 

“Hey! The child chose me! Back off!” Clint said, grabbing Loki back. 

“Hey guys, my moms here, I gotta go-” Sam said as a giant purple minivan pulled up. “Bye!” 

“Oh no need to rush Sam, I’ll wait for a minute,” A woman from the car said. 

“No- mom let’s just go,” 

“But I want to meet your friends. They look nice,” she said, opening her door. 

“Okay guys see you monday!” Sam yelled, slamming his door. 

“I’m inviting you guys over. Does saturday work for you?” The lady asked. “Sammy they are coming over tomorrow, you have to clean your room,” 

“Mom!” 

“See you all tomorrow,” she said, closing the door.  _ “I can pick people up!” _

~

“Loki it’s almost four, we have to go home now,” Thor said. 

“No,” Loki said from his seat on Tony’s lap. 

“Yes, come on,” Thor said. 

“I is gonna sleep at the school!” Loki said. “See you to-mo-ra!” Loki said, stumbling over ‘tomorrow’. 

“Okay, buh bye,” Thor said, standing up. 

“You leaving?” Loki asked. 

“Well…  _ I _ have to sleep at home. You can come with me if you want,” Thor said. 

“No! I sleep at the school!” Loki said again, crossing his arms. 

“Okay,” Thor said, grabbing his backpack and turning around. He made it about four steps before Loki jumped off of Tony’s lap. 

“Okay okay okay okay, i’s just joking,” Loki said, grabbing Thor's hand. 

“Oh- you were joking,” Thor said. “Sure. Say goodbye,” 

“See ya… suckers!” Loki yelled. 

“Loki-” 

“The slug taughed me!”

“The slug- does anyone know who the mascote is?” Thor asked. 

“No but I can find out,” Tony said. 

“It’s fine. Loki no more slug okay?” 

“Slug nice,” Loki said. 

“Okay. I’ll see you guys at Sam's house!” Thor yelled, throwing Loki over his shoulder, much to Loki’s disdain.

“Ugh… I don’t wanna go home yet,” Clint said, flopping. “What are you guys doing?” 

“Well I’m buying alcohol with my dad's debit card, so if anyone wants to join me feel free,” Tony said, stretching. 

“You are a  _ baby!” _ Bucky said. “I mean- sure none of us can drink yet but- that’s like giving  _ Loki _ alcohol,” 

“I’m almost a teenager!” Tony said. 

“Oh my- no. That’s wrong,” Clint said. 

“Whatever. I still have a bunch at home,” Tony said. 

“Don’t you parents care if you drink it?” Natasha asked. 

“My parents come home once every three months, they don’t knotice,” Tony said. “See y’all tomorrow,” 

“Wait- how do you get to school? I thought you said they drove you-  _ Tony!” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys I'm actually really exited about this ngl! I hope you like it to!


	3. Drinking and driving is bad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Doing it at 12 is worse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehe here you go

“Are you sure this is okay?” Bruce asked. 

“Look, I basically already have my permit, I’m practically 15, which means I almost have my license,” Tony said. 

“I just don’t think you should be out on the open road yet-  _ there’s a light Tony!” _

“Not really,” Tony said. “It was a red, which was almost a yellow, which makes it green,” Tony said, speeding up. 

“Whoa whoa whoa-  _ This is a residential road Tony be careful! THAT'S NOT THE SPEED LIMIT!”  _

“Oh relax,” Tony said. “Here, let’s turn on the radio,”

“Oh my gosh- what is this?” Bruce asked, clapping his hands over his ears. 

“Led Zeppelin, why?” Tony yelled over the radio. 

“Never let me agree to ride with you again!” Bruce yelled. 

“Why?” Tony asked, putting down his 

“I- this is… you know what, it’s fine, go ahead and kill me, I’m suicidal anyway,” Bruce said. 

“Fine, for that I’m driving at 160,” Tony said. 

_ “No no no no no TONY NO-” _ Bruce said. “Okay okay I’m sorry!”

“See, this isn’t so bad,” Tony said, slowing down to about 90. 

“I’ve seen drunk drivers drive better!” Bruce yelled. 

“Jokes on you, I’m  _ also _ drunk.”

“What if we get pulled over?” Bruce yelled over the radio. “You’re like one!”

“I’m 12! And the cops know me, it’s fine!” Tony yelled back. “See! This looks like Sam’s house right now!” 

Sam lived in a ranch style house on maybe half an acre of land, which wasn’t really necessary given the only animal they had was one dog, and it meant more yard work for Sam. Extra land aside it was a really cute house for rural New York. There weren’t any neighbors for awhile out, which last year had led to the perfect place to hold bonfires outside where they could scream. Even still, they hadn’t actually been introduced to Sam’s mother yet, much to Sam's relief. 

“Oh thank God,” Bruce said, climbing out of the car. 

“Aw, the whittle Brucie is all shaken,” Tony said. 

“Shut up you’re like one,” Bruce said, running a hand though his hair, which did not make it any  _ less _ fluffy. 

“I’m 12!” Tony said, following Bruce up to the door. 

“Are we sure this is the right house?” Bruce asked. 

“It’s the address Sam gave me. And it’s where we were last year for the fire,” Tony said. 

“Right…” 

“Are you planning on knocking anytime soon?” Tony asked. 

“You know, i think that it would really be better if you… did…” Bruce said. 

“No I’m breaking you in,” Tony said. “Go on. Be a big boy and knock,” 

“I’m actually going to right the doorbell,” Bruce said. 

“Alright, go ahead,” tony said, crossing his arms. 

“... unless the doorbell's broken,” Bruce said, stepping back. 

“Well then you just knock,” 

“Well what if it  _ isn’t _ but we thought-” Bruce was cut off by the door opening, sans knocking  _ or _ ringing, revealing Sam, who looked slightly amused. 

“You know the widow right there is open,” Sam said with a smirk. 

“Oh! Interesting…” Bruce said. 

“Yeah… our doorbell works just fine,” Sam said. “Come in. I need you to go in every room I had to clean,” 

“Are those your friends?” A voice called from the kitchen. 

“Only two of them!” Sam yelled. “Well… one and a half!” 

“I want to know who the half it,” Bruce said. 

“Don’t worry,” Tony said, walking past Bruce, patting his arm. “It’s you,” 

“...thanks,” Bruce said. “You know after driving like that you don’t get to judge me for anything,”

_ “Tony _ drove?” Sam asked. “Dude you’re like two,” 

“I’m 12!” Tony said. “12! 12 years old!” 

“Oh, a baby,” A lady said, walking in and wiping her hands on her jeans. “I’m Darlene,”

“Nice to meet you Ma’am, I’m Tony” Tony said with a smile. “And if you think I’m a baby, the toddler is going to surprise you,”

“He’s talking about Loki,” Sam said. 

“Oh! Is he coming?” She asked. “I have so many old toys from you,” 

“Yeah. but he prefers to play with… knifes,” Sam said. 

“And rodents,” Tony added. 

“Well he’s got rubber ducks and building blocks,” She said. “Sam who’s your other friend? You haven’t introduced me yet,” 

“Oh this is Bruce,” Sam said. Bruce waved at her, still standing by the door. 

“Come in!” She said, walking up to him and pushing him towards the kitchen. Bruce shot a panicked look at Sam as his mother ushered him into the other room. 

“Oh yay we’re socializing Bruce!” Tony said, following them. “I love it when we do that,” 

“Is that what this is?” Bruce muttered. 

“Bite inhibition,” Tony said. “The marks of a very healthy dog,”

“Speaking of dogs, do you want to see Bella?” Sam asked. Bella was Sam’s dog, a boxer that his family had gotten the year before they’d meet.

“Hell yeah,” Tony said. 

“No swearing you’re a fetus,” Sam said. 

“I’m 12!”

~

“Sam this is the best thing that has ever happened to me,” Clint said. “I don’t know how to thank you,” 

“Really Sam, this is life changing,” Bucky said. Thor nodded in agreement. 

“Mom I think they like the cookies,” Sam said, rolling his eyes. 

“This is the best thing I have ever tasted,” Clint said. “It’s a blessing to mankind. It’s a masterpiece. I almost feel bad eating it,” 

“Not bad enough, clearly,” Natasha commented from her chair. She’d taken one to be polite, but ended up splitting it with Tony. 

“Just because  _ you _ have problems…” Clint said. 

“Uh… who’s phone is this? It’s ringing,” Sam asked, holding up a cracked phone. Bucky grabbed it, answering. 

“Hello- shit… no it wasn’t me. No I- that’s gross I- yes we’ll meet with you,” He said. “Okay. Bye,” 

“Who was it?” Steve asked. 

“The school. They want to know who put a dead fish in their vents,” Bucky said. “They ‘know’ it was one of us,” 

“What? I would… never… do something like that,” Clint said through a mouth full of cookies. 

“Great,” Bucky said. “Anyway, on Monday we need to go into the office to talk to them,” 

“Are they sure we can’t go now?” Tony asked. “I can drive us over,” 

“I thought he was 12…” Sams mom said. 

“He is,” Sam said with a flat face. 

“Do  _ not _ let him drive you anywhere,” Bruce said. “I’m still emotionally scared from that,” 

“We’ll go on monday,” Bucky said. “I’d rather live,” 

“Hey has anyone seen Loki? It’s been like three whole minutes sense he screamed,” Thor said, sitting up. 

“He’s fine, he’s making dolls hang themselves,” Sams mom said. “Who wants to watch a movie,” 

“You know I should actually get home soon…” Bruce said. 

“Yeah-” 

“We have Disney plus,” Sam said, throwing the remote at Bruce’s head. “Pick one of those sad animated movies you like,” 

“Fine. Let’s watch… uh… the Lion King,” Bruce said. 

“What? There’s nothing sad about that,” Clint said, making Natasha giggle. “What?” 

“Nothing,” She said. “But you owe me ten if you cry,” 

“Deal. Easiest ten dollars of my life,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm having a lot of fun with this but I don't want to start a new fic if everyone prefers the old one, so idk what to do. Lemme know


	4. Nat's mom is страшно ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear I'm working on the cannon fic still, but it's ~paused~ for now

“You owe me ten dollars Clint,” 

“I forgot about the  _ dad,” _ Clint said, rubbing a hand over his face. “Here’s your money,” 

“Extortion. My favorite,” She said, taking the bill from him. Thor shushed them, pointing to Loki who was asleep on his shoulder. “Sorry,” She whispered. “I love extorting people for their emotional pain,” 

“What time is it? I need to get home soon,” Bruce said. 

“What time do you need to be home by?” Bucky whispered. 

“Eight,” Bruce said. He talked quiet enough normally that there wasn’t really any need for him to lower his voice.

“Uh… you’re good,” Bucky said. 

“Are you sure?” Bruce asked. “It looked kinda dark out,”

“No no no, you’re good,” He promised. 

“If you’re sure,” Bruce said, pulling his sweater over his hands. 

“Aw, Bruce looks all nervous,” Tony whispered. “He’s so cute when he curls in like that,” 

“Mmpf,” Bruce muttered, leaning away from Tony, unintentionally backing into Thor. “Oh sorry-” 

“Oh noooo,” Thor said, grabbing Bruce. Bruce made a move to get away- pausing when Loki gripped onto Bruce's hair, mumbling in his sleep. “You can’t move now dude,” 

“Fuck…” Bruce muttered, trying to glance up at Loki, who was still asleep with a fist full of his curly hair. 

“It’s a tragedy…” Thor muttered, throwing an arm over Bruce. “Oh well,”

“Aw all of you are so cute,” Sam's mom said from behind the sofa, taking a picture of them. 

“Mom!” Sam groaned under his breath. “You’re going to wake up Loki!” 

“Here, I’ll take the baby Thor,” She said. 

“He might start crying…” Thor said, looking unsure. 

“I know how to make a baby stop crying if I need to, don’t worry,” she said. 

“If you’re sure…” Thor said. She nodded, smoothing back her curly hair into a low ponytail and stepping around to take Loki. Thor maneuvered him off his shoulder, trying to loosen Loki’s grip on Bruce’s hair.

“Ow ow  _ ow _ that’s attached to my head,” Bruce muttered. Thor finally undid Loki’s fist, making him sit up a little, blinking. 

“Wha?” He asked, tilting his head, making his hair fall in front of his face. 

“Loki, Sam’s mom is going to watch you okay?” Thor asked. 

“Mm,” Loki said, not fighting back when Thor handed him over. “She comfy,” 

“Thank you sweetie,” She said. “We’re in the kitchen if y’all need us,” 

“Whassin the kitchen?” Loki asked sleepily. 

“Well I have cookies,” She said, turning the corner. 

“Cookies!”

~

“What time is it now?” Bruce asked. 

“Can't you just check your phone?” Tony asked, pulling out his. 

“I broke it,” Bruce said. 

“It’s 7:23…  _ you _ broke a phone?” Tony asked. “I haven’t even seen you break a pencil. If it where Clint I’d believe it, but  _ you-” _

“Alright alright I get it,” bruce said. “I should get home though,” 

“I thought your dad was picking you up,” Tony said. 

“Yeah but I don’t want to make him drive out when I can walk,” Bruce said. 

“It’s like four miles, but knock yourself out,” Tony said. 

“Cool. See you guys at school tomorrow,” He said. 

“Don’t forget that we have to go to the principles office first thing,” Nat called. Bruce gave a thumbs up, ducking out the front door before anyone could say anything else. “That was weird, right?” She asked. 

“Well… it’s Bruce, and he’s weird,” Clint said, tossing a tennis ball in the air. “Is Thor asleep?” 

“Probably. He had practice at like four in the morning or something crazy,” Bucky said. “I don’t know how he keeps up with all his sports, I can barley handle football and keep my grades up,” 

“Actually you can’t,” Tony said. “I’ve been changing all of your grades to passing so that you don’t fail out of highschool. None of you can get below a C,” He said, flopping across the sofa. 

“Well that explains a lot,” Steve muttered. 

“Yeah like how none of you have failed. Although Thor  _ can _ be really smart sometimes,” Tony said. “Like he learned a entire deal language because he’s bored, but he forgot how many planets there where on a science quiz,” 

“How do you know all this stuff?” Sam asked. 

“I don’t  _ always _ use my technological powers for evil,” Tony said. “Just the occasional mockery of my classmates,” 

“Wait he speaks another language?” Nat asked. “Which one?”

“Coptic. It’s some old egyption language or something,” Tony said. “I know it vaguely, but it’s hard because you can’t translate even semi-directly like spanish or italian or anything,” He said. “Still easier then english. English is a bitch,” 

“Shut up, you’re a fetus,” Bucky said, smacking his arm. “No cursing,” 

“Does that mean that if someone kills him it’s a abortion?” Clint asked. 

“Or that if he kills himself it’s a miscarrage,” Natasha said. 

“I’m 12!” Tony yelled, throwing his water bottle at them. None of them were worried about waking up Thor, he could sleep through a thunderstorm, something he’d proven when they’d benched him on football for dislocating his knee and he’d fallen asleep under the bleachers. 

“Oh- guys my mom’s here I have to go,” Natasha said, standing up. 

“Oh sweetie let me walk you out,” Sams mom said, stepping around the doorway and setting down Loki, who was trying to shove a whole macadamia cookie in his mouth without chewing. 

“Actually Nat can we meet your mom?” Clint asked. “You never talk about her,” 

“Ugh, I guess if you want to,” She said, smoothing down her hair. “She’s not like anyone you all are used to,” 

“I have so many questions to ask her,” Bucky said, swinging his legs around to sit up straight. 

“If you still actually want to be my guest,” Natasha said. “Oh I wish Bruce could be here for this,” 

“Wha- why?” Tony asked. Natasha just grinned, kicking Thor to get him up. 

“What are we- oh, hi Nat,” Thor said, sitting up. 

“We’re gonna go meet her mom,” Clint said, helping him up. “Come on,”

Natasha walked out to the driveway with the rest of them following from a distance, save Sam’s mom, who apparently didn’t fear  _ death _ because she walked right up to the car, knocking on the window. 

“Hello Mrs. Romonoff,” She said, sticking out her hand. 

“Hello,” A lady with perfectly straight red hair said, rolling down her window. She had a long thin nose and face, and bright green eyes that almost looked like contacts. 

“Nat your mom looks like a disney villain,” Clint whispered. 

“пошли, наташа,” Natasha’s mother said. 

“Yeah yeah Подожди секунду,” Natasha said. “I forgot my bag,” 

“Well then hurry,” Her mother said, shewing her. Natasha rolled her eyes, walking pointedly slowly back to the porch, opening the front door.

“I didn’t catch your name,” Sam’s mom said. 

“Мелина,” She said. “Melina, in english,” 

“Melina, I’m Darlene,” Sams mom said with a smile. 

“Darlene Bay Wilson, I know,” Melina said with a smile. “Наташа, давай сюда!” She yelled in Russian. Natasha came back, slamming the door behind her. 

“I hope none of you speak Russian,” Natasha said with a smile. “I’ll see you guys monday,” 

“почему ты так одет? This is why you get B’s on your test,” Her mother said. 

“I’m so confused what are they saying?” Thor ‘whispered’ to Tony. 

“Uh… she’d talking about Nat’s dress,” Tony said.

“I don’t know мать why are you old,” Natasha said. 

“I am going to beat your Красивое лицо,” Her mother muttered. 

“I’d win that fight,” Natasha said. “Buy guys!” She said as her mom pulled out. They waved as she drove down the drive, disappearing into the night. 

“I’m never going to Natasha’s house,” Bucky said, shuttering.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UUUUGGHHH I hate putting in the translations but /here/   
> "Hurry up, Natasha,"   
> "Yeah yeah, wait a second,"  
> "Natasha come here!"  
> "Why did you wear that dress? This is why you get B's on your test,"  
> "I don't know mother, why are you so old,"   
> "I'm going to beat that pretty face," 
> 
> EWWW okay I hope you liked that, because it was ~hard~   
> Also I just desided to fail a class and I'm like two weeks in fml


	5. Mascot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OMG I KNOW THE AUTHER IS STILL ALIVE WOOOOW

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I KNOW IT'S BEEN A MINUTE OKAY? i'M REALLY SORRY I'M JUST BUSY

“Would anyone care to explain to me what happened?” 

“Okay look Principle Fury… it was a  _ goat,” _ Clint said. 

“A goat?” Natasha whispered. 

“I said ghost,” clint said. 

“You definitely said goat,” She whispered back. 

“It was a ghost goat,” Clint said. “There, we’re both right,” 

“I am looking at the stars of the football team, the cheer captain, leader of the activist team, two of the smartest people I have ever meet, and Sam,” 

“Okay, that one hurt,” Sam said. 

“Why is it always  _ you _ that I have to call into my office when something goes wrong?” He asked. 

“We didn’t even do it!” Bucky said, throwing his hands up. 

“Well let’s go through the footage then, if you are so sure,” Fury said, turning his computer around. 

“Sir your other tabs open-” 

“Don’t worry about that!” Fury said, closing it. “See I’ve already reviewed the footage, I know it was one of you who dressed up as this… thing,” 

“Uh- sir that’s the mascot,” Clint said. 

“No no, really it’s understandable, Bruce looks like a slug a lot, I understand the confusion,” Tony said, crossing his leg. 

“Congrats on the investigation, but it wasn’t us, so can we go?” Natasha asked. 

“No-” 

“Yeah I’m gonna go. See you guys at lunch,” She said, standing up. 

“Ms. Romanoff-” 

“You’re pronouncing my name wrong,” She said. 

“Well, how do you pronounce it exactly?” Fury said. 

“Романов,” Natasha said. 

“I- alright. Look I need one of you to come forward or else you will all receive disciplinary action,”

“Dude- but you know it wasn’t us!” Clint said. 

“Well until I have a better suspect, you will all be punished,” Fury said. 

“Even if it was one of us, you know you’re punishing a bunch of people who didn’t.” Sam said. 

“Actually this sounds like a war crime-” 

“Steve you’re going to make this worse,” Bucky said, covering his mouth. 

“There’s no way that he’s actually going to put us in detention,” 

~

“I can’t believe he actually gave us detention,” Clint muttered with a scowl. 

“I feel out of place here,” Bruce muttered. The school used one of the big overflow classrooms for detention because it was the teachers' go to for punishment. “They’re staring at me,” 

“No one’s staring at you,” Thor muttered. 

“Yes we are,” someone kid with dramatically stretched out ears said from the back. 

“Well… alright maybe a few people,” Thor said. Bruce sighed, pulling out his backpack. 

“Hey! Put that down!” The monitor yelled. 

“What- my backpack?” Bruce asked. “Natasha has a knife!” 

“Backpacks are against detention rules,” They said. 

“I was just trying to do my homework…” Bruce said. 

“Well you can’t,” The teacher said. 

“But you said to- nevermind,” Bruce muttered, resting his head on his desk. 

“No slouching either,” The moderator said. 

“I- Tony’s in the ceiling and the kid in the back is vaping out the window,” Bruce said.

“If you keep talking back to me then I’ll have to start docking points from your grade,” They said. 

“Good, he has a 5.0,” Tony said, popping out of the veiling. 

“Wait- how is that even possible?” Clint asked. 

“It’s… extra credit and stuff…” Bruce muttered, crossing his arms. 

“Detention doesn't agree with Bruce,” Natasha said, sharpening her knife extra loudly. 

“Have you ever  _ been _ in detention before?” Bucky asked. Him was sitting by Steve at his normal spot in the window. He ended up in detention for sick days more than he did for getting in trouble, not that either were uncommon occurrences.

“...no,” Bruce said, looking down. 

“Noob,” Clint said. “Tony we should put a trapeze in here,”

“You know I could…” Tony said. 

“How is it that you can plot to put a trapeze in the ceiling but Bruce gets in trouble for doing homework?” Thor asked. 

“Discrimination,” Sam said. “So… does anyone actually know who the mascot is?” 

“I don’t know, but I hope he’s someone good because he’s watching Loki right now,” Thor said, pulling his hair up. 

“You just left your brother alone with someone wearing a slug suit?” Natasha asked. 

“...yes. Was that a bad idea?” Thor asked. 

“How are either of you alive?” She asked. 

“Okay, I just installed a AC symptom and a fire alarm, I’m heading out,” Tony said, dropping down from the tile in the ceiling. 

“You can’t just leave,” Bruce said. 

“Why not?” Tony asked. “What are they going to do? Stop me?” 

“Tony can leave early,” The moderator said. 

“Wh- why?” Steve asked. 

“You know my throat hurts a little…” Tony said, winking at them.

“He’s clearly having a medical emergency,” They said. “Take care of yourself Tony,”

“Don’t worry sir,” Tony said, faking a cough. “I’m sure I’ll feel better tomorrow, I probably just need some water and bedrest,” He said, taking a swig from his water bottle. 

“Bullshit he’s drinking vodka,” Sam said. 

“It’s clear, that’s all I need,” The monitor said. 

“This place is rigged,” Bruce muttered to himself. 

“No talking!” 

~

“Loki, come over here!” Tony yelled across the field, seeing Loki playing with the mascot head. 

“T’ny!” Loki yelled, running over. “I was pla’ing with the slug!” He said, pointing back to the side of the field, where a blond guy with the rest of the slug costume waved. 

“Oh really? Can you introduce me?” Tony asked. Loki nodded solemnly, taking Tony’s hand and walking over. 

“Dis T’ny,” Loki said. “Dat a slug,” 

“Oh that’s a slug huh?” Tony asked. “Listen we need to get going Loki, I just remembered we have to pick up Thor from detention,” 

“Why Th’t in detention?” Loki asked. 

“You mean Thor?” Tony asked. 

“Th’t,” Loki repeated, narrowing his eyes. 

“Okay fine,  _ Thot’s  _ in detention because he made bad friend choices, let’s go,” Tony said, stumbling as he picked Loki up. He was still a little bit short to hold Loki comfortably. 

“Okay. Buh-Bye slug!” Loki yelled, waving at the slug, who had sense put his mask back on. The slug saluted back with a nod. 

“Okay, Loki I want you to be with one of us if you are playing with the slug okay?” Tony asked. 

“But he’s fun!” Loki said. 

“But if you had someone else who was also fun wouldn’t that make it double fun?” Tony asked. 

“Yea,” Loki said. “Double fun!” 

“Great so you’re going to stick with us?” Tony asked. 

“No!” 

“Fine, you know what I’m not in charge of you. Wanna go watch stuff blow up while we wait for Thor?” 

“Yes!” 

~

“Okay, so we need to find the mascote,” Clint said. “Because I can’t do detention again. It’d bad enough when I deserve it,” 

“If I don’t make up the missed time I could get kicked off my sports teams,” Thor said, throwing Loki up on his shoulders. “And if I don’t play sports I  _ die,” _

“I’m already on it,” Natasha said. “Mascot is technically a campus job, they pay you three dollars a hour, the money is being deposited directly into a highschool checking account,” 

“Can you get a name for it?” Clint asked. 

“Give me a second, geez,” Natasha said, tapping faster on her keyboard. “Let’s see, it’s got some info here, but not his name, that’s been censored. This isn’t a coding language I know, so it might take a minute,” She said.

“What is it?” Tony asked, looking over her shoulder. 

“Erlang,” She said. “I only know Java,” 

“Oh that stuff’s easy, let me try,” Tony said, tapping on the laptop for a second. “There you go,” 

“You know you genuinely scare me sometimes,” Bruce said, wincing as Loki pulled his hair. “Ow,” 

“Well we’ve got a last name,” Natasha said. “Wilson,” 

“Are we sure it’s not same?” Bucky asked, laughing. 

“Nah is initials are W. W. Wilson,” Natasha said. “Ouch, his parents must have really hated him. I’m in the roster from school right now,” 

“Also this kid was blond,” Tony said.

“Do we know any other Wilsons?” Sam asked. 

“I don’t think so,” Bruce said. 

“Oh- perfect, here he is. And it’s even got a home address,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyone here want to guess who the mascot is?
> 
> also, if you arn't going to be back in your home for at least another month and can't see your dogs and genarally feel like giving up on life clap your hands! *clap clap*


	6. ~ice cream~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mean... come on y'all you hade to have seen this coming.

“Hello sir,” Tony said. They had all come to the conclusion that it was best for Tony to go up and talk to them because he had the most people skills -which really meant the extensive training Tony’s dad had forced him to do- so he was the one knocking on the door. 

“Oh shit- you’re that rich kid from a few blocks up, huh?” The man said. He was wearing a open patterned button up and basketball shorts, and had a harry chest and gut that made Tony want to wrinkle his nose. 

“In the flesh,” Tony said, lifting his arms. “Listen does your son-” 

“I’m the uncle, you got any kinda questions abou’ Wade then you gotta go though his father,” He said.  _ “Ay Tom gettin ‘ere!” _

“Thank you,” Tony said. A few moments of awkward silence a man with premature gray hair and a while button down, tucked into jeans with motor oil stains. “Hi I’m Tony,” He said, extending a hand. 

“Yeah I know who you are,” The dad, Tom apparently, said, hesitantly shaking his hand. 

“What can I say,” Tony said with a smirk. “Listen I need to talk to your son, would you care if I stole him for a few hours?” Tony asked. 

“Tom me and Wade were going to the bowling alley-” The uncle said. 

“Will you  _ shut up _ for a minute Dick?” Tom yelled. “You take him bowling every other day. I’m getting him,”

“Yah wanna drink while you wait?” Dick asked. 

“Whatcha got?” Tony asked, leaning on the doorframe. 

“Beer,” He said plainly. 

“Mm, I’m more a whiskey kinda guy,” Tony said. “Anti-oxogents, you know,” 

“Mm,” Dick said, turning around and leaving, giving Tony an uncomfortable show of where his shorts hiked up. 

“Alright, he’s meeting you outside, I need to talk to him first,” Tom yelled, stepping into view.

Tony nodded, closing the door behind him and walking out to the car. Sam’s mom had taken away his rights to drive the minivan a few weeks ago after he swerved off the road and scratched it up, so Tony had bought a Lincoln Navigator for them to trash. His friends thought it was ridiculous, but Tony’d assured them that his father wouldn’t notice or care. 

“He’s coming out,” Tony said when they rolled the windows down. Natasha nodded, rolling it back up. To avoid getting pulled over for his age every car Tony owned had the windows tinted as dark as the law allowed. And then some. 

“Uh, who the fuck are you?” A kid asked. He looked like the same kid Tony’d seen on the field. “Are you going to kidnap me? Please kidnap me? If I have to go fucking bowling again I’m shooting myself,” 

“You know who I am,” Tony said, nodding at him. “We got detention because you put a fish in the vent, so we’re going to turn in,  _ but _ now I’m bored so… you wanna go get ice cream?” Tony asked.

“Hell yah,” Wade said. Tony smiled, opening the door for Wade. 

“You know most people are more concerned when a group of teenagers kidnapps them,” Steve commented, taking in Wade’s relaxed demenor. 

“There is literally nothing you could try and do to me that hasn’t been done before,” Wade said. “If I’m lucky you kill me! Now, ice cream,” 

“I like this guy,” Tony said, crawling into the driver's seat. “We’ll try not to aid in your suicide plan,” 

“No, really. Don’t worry about it, I am happy to die,” 

~

“Tony… I am begging you… just- at least stay within like… 30 miles of the speed limit,” Sam said with wide eyes. Tony smiled at them, pressing the gas a little more, pushing them up to 90 MPH before slowing back down. 

“Okay okay,” Tony said at it went back down to 75 MPH. 

“I literally can’t believe we haven’t been pulled over yet,” Bucky said, rolling up his window. 

“I have an agreement with the cops,” Tony said.

“What… kind of agreement?” Steve asked. 

“If they try and arrest me, I pull all the accommodations to the station my family pays for,” Tony said. “I just add a new license plate every time I get a new car. Even if I get pulled over, as soon as they run it they apologize and send me on my way,” Tony said. 

“I- that’s… this is coming up in the social justice group…” Steve said, shaking his head.

“Oh for the love of- fine whatever,” Tony said, pulling into the parking lot with a screech. “You guys get whatever you want I can pay,” 

“I always feel bad when you do that,” Bruce muttered. 

_ “Don’t. _ It’s all money my dad made by killing people and sueing whoever he feels like that week. He doesn't deserve the money,” Tony said. “When I own SI I’m turning it into a tech company or something,” 

“Do you know anything about tech?” Natasha asked. 

“Give me a week, I’ll know anything they have online,” Tony said. “I mean come on, I’m only 12 after all, I’ve got time.”

“I’m sorry that little fucker is 12?” Wade asked. 

“No he’s a fetus,” Sam said. 

“I’m really glad I left Loki at home,” Thor said. He’d been nervous about leaving Loki ‘alone’ with their parents all morning, but it became clear from the moment Wade opened his mouth that children were most likely not a good idea around him. 

“Dude you’re like… driving and shit? You’re so tiny,” Wade said. “Can you even reach the petals?” 

“Yes!” Tony said. 

“Even for twelve you’re short though- was your growth stunted?” Wade asked. 

“Watch it or I might forget your ice cream on the scale,” Tony said, flipping him off. Wade stuck his tongue out, consequently walking straight into the wall. 

“Ow,” 

~

“I swear all of you are going to give me a heart attack just looking at your cup,” Natasha said, looking around at everyones cup. Aside from Bruce, who got plain vanilla, and Tony, who got whatever weird diet ice cream they had, the table looked like a diabetics nightmare. 

“What?” Clint asked, trying to lick the whipped cream off his nose.

“Thor what’s going on with your cup?” Tony asked. 

“I mixed the marshmallow and chocolate and caramel sauce.” Thor said. “And the leftover juice from all the fruit,” he said. “And gummy bears,” 

“And oreos,” Tony said. 

“Oh yeah I forgot about that,” Thor said with a laugh, taking a bite. 

“I’m getting cavities watching you,” Bruce muttered, drawing his knees up to his chest. 

“Says you, you got the most boring option,” Tony said. 

“You and Nat got the weird diet ice cream, you can’t judge me,” Bruce said. 

“Mm, no I still can,” Tony said. “Right now, in this moment, I am judging you,” Bruce rolled his eyes at him, crossing his arms. “Wade what’d you get?” 

“See, I got blue sour patch kids ice cream, and then I got gummy sharks,” Wade said, pointing with his spoon. “Then I got a few sour patch kids and fruit sauce, see it’s a murder scean,” 

“That’s cool and shit, but does it actually  _ taste _ good?” Tony asked.

“It tastes like blue,” Wade said. 

“Ah yes… blue,” Sam said. “The sixth, unknown flavor profile,” 

“What exactly does blue taste like?” Steve asked. 

“Like dark cyan,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just cried for like three hours because it's been almost three weeks sense I saw my dogs and it might be another month. fml. 
> 
> ANyway, I love literally anyone who reads this. Like, you don't get it, I ~LOVE~ you. I would die for you. Without question.


	7. Just fun lil chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basicly just them all hanging out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this with a ~migraine~ during school because screw education.

“Tony I know you’re like five but I  _ really _ need your help to pass this test tomorrow,” Clint said over the phone. “Nat stayed to try and help me but I couldn’t figure it out and now she’s just throwing stuff at me,” 

“Kay, bring it over, I can help,” Tony said. “Check in with everyone, make sure they’re all good for tomorrow. I learned this like forever ago so I can help. And I’m 12,” 

“Thank you thank you thank you,” Clint said. 

“Uh huh. You guys want snacks?” Tony asked. 

“Yes I haven’t eaten in like… an hour,” Clint said. 

“Wow that’s a long time for you,” tony said. “I’ll see what I can do, gimme at most twenty minutes,” 

“You are literally a life saver,” Clint said. “I’m not kidding, I think if I keep working with Nat she’ll kill me,” 

~

In the end, Thor, Clint, Nat and Bruce ended up at his house. Bruce had surprised them at first, but he’d mostly come just to do homework somewhere quite because his dad ‘had the football game on too loud’. 

“Okay what was the largest contiguous empire in known history?” Tony asked. 

“Europe,” Clint said. Natasha, in turn, banged her head on the table. 

“Nope. It's the Mogul empire,” Tony said. “Here, I’ll give you a minute with the answer key, just try and memorize the words as best you can,” 

“Maybe I could drop out and become a stripper,” Clint said. “I mean I play sports all the time, I bet I have the body for it,” 

“If you become a stripper I’m going to поцелуй you,” Natasha said. 

“Wh- does that mean kill?” Clint asked. “Wait- Nat what does that mean? Nat?”

“I told you, you should learn Russian,” Natasha said. “I’m not explaining myself,” 

“Bruce what are you working on?” Tony asked. “That’s not due for awhile right?” 

“I like to keep a buffer,” Bruce said, scribbling down his answers. He was planning on going into Physics, but by his handwriting he would fit in pretty well in the medical field. 

“The implications and dangers of overuse of astrological nuclear physics in space,” Thor said, looking over. “I think I got smarter just by reading the title,” 

“What are you working on?” Tony asked. 

“Well, my math teacher said I was really smart, but I never learned multiplications tables, so I’m studying those,” Thor said. “This is stupid, we have calculators for a reason. This reason, mostly,” Thor said. 

“Which table are you working on?” Tony asked. 

“Sevens,” Thor said, flopping over onto the table. “Just shoot me now,” 

“Oof, sevens are rough,” Tony said. 

“You know, why do we even need to know history? I mean it already happened didn’t it?” Clint said. 

“Because graduation requirements,” Natasha said. “Tony what the hell is that on your computer?” 

“Oh- this is just code. I’m working on an AI,” Tony said. “I was going to name it after one of the guys who works here but he said no,” 

“Wait- like the Alexa things?” Clint asked. 

“No, those are predetermined responses to a list of questions, this is an actual intelligent code that has the ability to learn, so you can’t really ask a question that it wouldn’t know,” Tony said. “I’m hooking it up to the internet to so it’s going to be pretty smart,” 

“You know you scare me sometimes,” Bruce said. 

“It’s also, as of fifteen minutes ago, connected to all the weapons my father keeps in his New York house, which is where they spend most of their time, so I can blow them up if I feel like it,” Tony said. 

“Wait- they don’t live here?” Natasha asked. Tony just laughed.

“Are you kidding? They haven’t been back from new york in like, what, three months? And even that was for a week so they couldn’t get charged with neglect,” Tony said, rolling his eyes. 

“What?” Clint asked, tilting his head. 

“Yeah like they take a few dozen pictures in different clothes in different places, they post one about every ten to eleven days, set for the year,” Tony said. 

“Dude that’s horrible,” Clint said. 

“Really? Because I get to do whatever I want alone in this house whenever I want,” Tony said. “And no one can tell me not to drink,” 

“Drink  _ what _ exactly?” Natasha asked. 

“Apple juice, what do you think?” Tony said. “Clint- this isn’t the worksheet I handed you,” 

“It’s not?” Clint asked. 

“Well… unless they have math on the history test,” Tony said. 

“I really need to organize my binder…” 

~ 

“So, do you feel prepared for tomorrow?” Tony asked, taking a sip of diet coke. He hadn’t been kidding when he said he’d find snacks for them, it looked like you’d sent a four year old into a snack store with several hundred dollars. Which is basically what happened. 

“I feel numb, does that count?” Clint asked. Thor nodded in agreement, fiddling with the redvine he was using as a straw. 

“Close enough. Y’all can go home, but I’m watching a movie if you wanna stay,” Tony said. 

“Yeeees,” Clint said. “Nat are you staying?” 

“I guess I can,” She said, rolling her eyes. 

“I should probably go because of Loki,” Thor said. Tony had a bunch of toys for Loki at his house in a bedroom downstairs, right by where they usually hung out so he’d been quiet most of the night. 

“You can go, but he does have a bed in there,” Tony said. Thor stood up, peeking around the doorframe to the room. 

“Holy shit he’s asleep,” Thor said. “Are you kidding me? I swear he’s not the same kid at everyone’s house. He doesn't put _himself to_ _sleep_ at home,” 

“He didn’t get to nap after school like he usually does, wasn’t he with your parents?” Bruce said. “He usually sleeps through practice,”

“I bet that’s it,” Thor said. “Well i’m not  _ waking him up _ so I’ll stay as long as he sleeps,” 

“Sounds good,” Tony said. “PSA for anyone staying, I both have plain spare rooms and ones with clothing that fits everyone we know,  _ and _ more alcohol then you could drink. Trust me, I’ve tried,”

“Wait can we stay for the night?” Nat asked. “I’m staying the night, my mom brought over one of her boyfriends,”

“Isn’t she married to your dad-” Bruce asked. 

“We don’t talk about it,” Natasha said. 

“Does he know?” Thor asked. 

“You know temporary blind and deafness does wonders for a marriage,” Natasha said with a grin. “So what are we watching?”

“Literally anything you guys want,” Tony said, standing up. “We have anything,”

“Cool,” Natasha said. “I vote we watch a horror movie,”

“No, I can’t sleep when we watch horror movies,” Clint whined, shoving his papers back into his backpack without much care, making Bruce cringe. 

“Yeah Bruce is jumpy,” Thor said. 

“Am not,” Bruce muttered, crossing his arms and tucking his chin down. 

“Sure bud,” Tony said, patting his head condescendingly. “Ooh your hair is all fluffy,” 

“You know what-” 

“Oooh! Can we watch the muppets?” Clint asked, bouncing. 

“You have the muppets?” Thor asked. 

“Children. I am surrounded by children,” Natasha said, resigned, sitting down next to Clint. Tony’s house had a giant home theater, but they almost always avoided it, instead opting for the living room with the largest TV, which always had snacks stashed in the audimen. 

“Who the hell put pickle flavored chips in here?”

~

“Bruce are you staying over tonight?” Tony asked, smirking at Bruce. Both Clint and Thor had fallen asleep at some point halfway through the movie. Clint was always a sneaky sleeper, because he had the disturbing ability to sleep with his eyes open. Thor however, was sprawled across the floor and Bruce’s lap, pinning him down. 

“I really should get home…” Bruce said. Tony raised an eyebrow. “My dad’s going to be annoyed,”

“Screw your dad,” Tony said. “Look, Thor’s like a golden retriever, are you really going to wake him up?” 

“Seriously I have to get back-” Bruce said. 

“Come on dude,” Natasha said. “I’ll drive us to school tomorrow, you don’t have to drive with Tony,” 

“I dunno I…” 

“Please?” Tony asked, batting his eyes. Bruce sighed, rubbing his eyes. 

“I guess I can stay for a little while,” Bruce said. 

“Yes!” Natasha said, pumping her fist, causing Clint to slip from where he was leaning on her shoulder, making him slam his head into the floor. “Oops-” 

“Ow,” Clint muttered, rubbing his head. “Tasha that hurt,” 

“Uh huh,” Natasha said, patting his head, Clint mumbled something grabbing her like a teddy bear. “Whoa whoa whoa-” 

“This is going into the yearbook for sure,” Tony said, taking a photo.

“Why are you- ow- geeze your strong,” Natasha said, trying to squirm away. Clint just laid his chin on her shoulder, wrapping his arms around her tighter. “I do need to breath you know,” 

“But you’re  _ wa-rm,” _ Clint whined. Natasha rolled her eyes, leaning back against his chest. 

“Disgusting,” She said, rolling her eyes.

“Okay if I have to stay at least hand me my laptop,” Bruce said after a minute. Tony grinned, cheekily handing it to him. “Don’t look at me like that,” 

“Aw, the whittle Brucie is upset,” Tony said. Bruce narrowed his eyes, putting in his earbuds. “Brucie! Bruuuuucie!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it seems like there's no plot I swear I'm setting stuff up.


	8. Basketballs and syrup

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WOw two chapers in ~one day~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

“Hey wake up,” Tony said, poking Natasha in her face. She blinked, sitting up and smoothing down her hair. “We’ve got school in a hour and half, I thought you would want to be up first,”

“You did go to sleep didn’t you?” Natasha asked, running her fingers through her hair, wincing when her fingers ran into a knot. 

“I had work to do,” Tony said “I’m about a week away from getting this prototype done,” 

“You’re like three, you need to sleep,” She said. Tony rolled his eyes, standing up to stretch. 

“Yeah yeah. I’m going to go check on Loke’s. You’ve got makeup and a flat iron in the bathroom to your left,” Tony said, swinging around the doorway to Loki’s room. “Hey Loki, you up?” 

“Is da’ morning?” Loki asked, sitting up with his hair comically flopping in his face. 

“Yes it is, do you wanna pick out some fun clothing?” Tony asked. “After we do that we can make breakfast together,” 

“Really?” Loki asked, blinking at him. “Okay, we get dressed,” 

“Alright,” Tony said. “Which clothes do you want?” 

“I dress myself,” Loki said confidently, pushing Tony out of the room. “Jus’ wait,” 

“Alright,” Tony said laughing. “Hurry up though because I’m making pancakes!” 

“Pancake?” Loki asked, peeking his head through the door. 

“Yep! So you better get dressed,” Tony said. Loki nodded, like he had been given a very serious task, closing the door again. “Now I need to figure out how to make pancakes…”

~

“Are you making the pancake?” Loki asked, skipping into the kitchen, dressed in all black with a baby jean jacket. He looked like the cutest toddler model for hot topic. 

“I am you wanna help?” Tony asked. Loki’s eyes widened, looking up at him. 

“Can I?” He asked, bouncing on the balls of his feet. 

“Well it’s not like I can do it alone can I?” Tony asked, picking Loki up and setting him on the counter. “Can you crack some eggs in this bowl?” Tony’d already put the eggs in but it was always Loki’s favorite part to help with so he figured he could make it look like he added more. 

“Yesss!” Loki said, delicately starting the process. Tony grinned, turning back to the pan he was heating up. 

“Nat! You came back!” Tony said as Natash walked into the kitchen. “We’re making pancakes,” 

“An’ I help!” Loki yelled, gesturing to the eggs. 

“I can see that,” Natasha said with a grin. “We’ve got school in a hour should we wake the boys up yet?” 

“Nah let’s make them nervous,” Tony said. “I live to see Bruce panik,” 

“Alright,” She said, grinning. “Loki I think you got a little bit of shell in there,” 

“It jus’ adds flavor,” Loki said with a grin. Natahsa laughed kissing his forehead. “I think you’re right,” 

“Want one?” Tony asked. “I have the finished stack over there,”

“I don’t eat breakfast,” She said. “The cheer coach doesn't like us eating before practice,” 

“Like hell you’re not, right Loki?” Tony said. 

“You need bwekfast’,” Loki said. “Is yummy!” 

“Most important meal of the day,” Tony said with a grin. Natasha rolled her eyes, sitting on the bar. 

“Tell you what Tony, I’ll match you pancake for pancake,” she said with a grin. 

“That’s not fair,” Tony said. “My stomach is smaller then yours. Besides I already ate,” 

“There’s no way you already ate,” She said. 

“Loki did I already eat?” Tony asked. Loki nodded his head aggressively. “Told you so,” 

“Loki are you lying?” Natasha asked. 

“Das a twick question,” Loki said. For a three year old he had a pretty big vocabulary. “I ‘on’t even knows how lie,” 

“О, парень, I’m going to go wake up the boys,” Natasha said, crossing her arms. 

“We’ll miss you!” Tony said.

“Mhm,”

~

“Good morning,” Tony said. 

“I smell food,” Clint said, sitting down at the bar. 

“I made food. Would you like food?” He asked. Clint made a vague noise of agreement, making Natasha snicker as Tony handed him pancakes. “Loki helped make them,” 

“I did’d the eggs!” Loki said with a smile. “Th’t look I did’d the eggs!” 

Thor, who still looked half asleep, blinked at Loki. “what are you wearing?” 

“He dressed himself,” Tony said. 

“Yes. I dressed myself,” Loki said, wiggling. 

“I… okay,” Thor said. 

“There’s food for you on the bar,” Tony said. “And Bruce I made you coffee,” 

“Thanks,” Bruce muttered, picking up the thermos and retreating back to the sofa with his laptop. 

“Are you going to eat actual food or just coffee?” Natasha asked. 

“Oh like you have room to talk Nat,” Tony said. “I mean you’re not eating until practice,” 

“That’s different, people have to catapult me into the air,” She said. “Bruce is just sad,” 

“I just like coffee,” Bruce said from the sofa, typing something quickly. 

“What are you working on that’s so important?” Thor asked, trying to lean over and see. He was not anywhere near close enough to actually see and ended up almost losing balance. 

“Just homework,” Bruce said with a shrug. 

“You’re always doing homework but you never have homework to do,” Clint said. 

“That’s  _ because _ I do my homework,” Bruce said. 

“I- something dosn’t make sense,” Clint said. “But I’m too tired to figure out what it is,”

“Alright well I’ve got to talk with a teacher before school so I’m going to go…” Bruce said. 

“Oh I need to talk to the coach, I’ll come with you,” Thor said, finishing his pancake. “He’s trying to trade in the prowler for a revirse hyper, even though we already have equitment for that,” He explained. 

“Oh… alright,” Bruce said. 

“We can bring Loki later,” Tony said. “He seems to be enjoying his pancakes,” 

“Syrup,” Loki said simply, pointing to the mess he made. “Fun,” 

“Yeah we’re going to take a  _ bath _ before school, huh?” Nat said, scooping him up -at arms langth to protect her hair- and carrying him into the other room. 

“Wif bubbles?” They heard Loki asked. 

“All the bubles,” She replies, closing the door. 

“Come on, let’s go,” Thor said, grabbing his backpack, with the zipper still open, cramming the papers back inside. Bruce sighed, chugging the last of his coffee and putting the thermos in the sink. 

“Yeah okay,” He said, crossing his arms. “I just need to grab my coat,” 

“Oh I put it in the washer, Clint spilled hot chocolate on it,” Tony said. 

“How?” bruce said. “I put it by the door. 

“Well we kinda used it to cover the rug…” Clint said. “And then I sneezed,” 

“Here you can use mine,” Thor said. “I run warm,” 

“I- oh okay,” Bruce said, sheepishly taking the -very large- jacket. 

“Great let’s go,” Thor said. “See you guys at school!” He said on his way out. Bruce just waved before following him. “It’s a nice day huh?” 

“Uh… yeah,” Bruce said, looking around. Tony’s parents had more money than anyone should, that combined with the remote area meant his house was really nice and really big. The weather was nice, the sky was completely clear and the trees were turning. “Cold,” 

“Are you cold?” Thor asked. Bruce shrugged, sticking his hands in his pockets, which are much larger than he was used to. They also fell closer to his knees then anything else. 

“Not really,” Bruce said, kicking a buckeye out of the way. “I dunno. Did you finish your homework?” 

“No!” Thor said cheerfully, making Bruce laugh. “I don’t know how you do it, I don’t usually know a assignment is due until I miss it,” 

“You’re really smart, it surprises me you struggle in your homework,” Bruce said. 

“I dunno, I probably wouldn’t have a chance at college if it weren't for sports,” Thor said. “Which is why this coach can’t be stupid and traid in the  _ best _ equitment we have,” 

“What if he got the new equipment and didn’t get rid of the other stuff?” Bruce asked. 

“Well then we would just have two pieces that do the same thing,” Thor said. “What’s the point of that?” 

“I mean, two people could then work out at the same time,” Bruce said. “I mean I don’t know but-” 

“I’m stupid. Bruce why didn’t I think of that!” Thor said. “That’s a brilliant idea!” 

“Oh not really it’s-” 

“I mean they  _ clearly _ have the budget if they can buy eight basketballs a year,” Thor said. “Who needs that many basketballs? I mean you only use one per game,” 

“I thought there were two,” Bruce said. 

“Two basketballs?” Thor asked, tilting his head. 

“Are there not?” 

“...no,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear there is a plot in here ~somewhere~ we just haven't reached it   
> (it turns out that returining to my house, burnt and all, makes it so I can write again so I'ma just hike over every day from now on so y'all can have a chapter)
> 
> also poor bruce trying to talk about sports. I mean... bby, he needs help


	9. Say whaaaaat?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: i'm not going to ship anyone to early...
> 
> also me:

“So are we all just ignoring the fact that Thor has been hitting on Bruce sense the year started?” Tony asked. 

“I’m so glad that you brought that up, I’ve been taking pictures,” Natasha said. 

“What? No he’s not,” Clint said. 

“Dude are you kidding?” Natasha asked. 

“I just want to know why  _ bruce _ you know?” Tony said. “I mean, we’ve all seen him with his shirt off. He could have literally anyone in the highschool,” 

“He did pick the one person who wouldn’t throw themselves at him,” Natasha said. “If he ever picks up on it he’d be to awkward to do anything,” 

“I still don’t buy it,” Clint said. “I need more evidence,” 

“Evidence, here, look at this picture,” Natasha said, showing a photo she’d taken of Thor with his arm over Bruce after a game. “Is this not enough  _ evidence _ for you,” 

“Maybe he hurt his shoulder,” Clint said. 

“Alright- here would you put your arm over me after finishing a game?” Natasha asked. “Assuming you’d showered because I have standards,” 

“Well yeah,” 

“Okay would you put your arm over Sam?” She asked. 

“No that’s weird,” Clint said. 

“See!” Natasha said. “It’s not enough to cement a relationship, but it’s a move,” 

“Okay so there was a move, that dosn’t prove anything,” Clint said. 

“I- here, let me call Bucky,” She said. “Steve’s club meets early he should be up,” 

“While she does that, I’m going to track down a step stool,” Tony said. 

“I can hand it to you,” clint said. “I think you’re still shorter then me even with a step stool,” 

“It’s not my fault you are a million feet tall,” tony said. “It’s fine I’ll just climb the counter,” 

“What are you getting?” Clint asked, tilting his head. 

“Vodka,” 

“Tony no-” 

“Bucky? Yeah it’s Nat,” Natasha said, putting it on speaker phone. “I’ll make this quick, do you think Thor likes Bruce?”

“Oh definitely,” Bucky said. “I would say there’s like a forty present chance he keeps his shirt on when we’re all there aside from Bruce, but if Bruce walks in it’s like a ten percent chance. At most,” 

“Thot behavior,” Tony said, filling his water bottle with vodka. 

“Maybe Loki was right,” Natasha said. “That’s all we need, thanks Bucky,” 

“My pleaser,” Bucky said, hanging up. 

“That… is pretty damning evidence,” Clint said. “Alright so if you  _ are _ right-” 

“Which I always am, continue,” Natasha said. 

“Then where’s this  _ going _ because according to you Thor’s been doing this for awhile, and Bruce is Bruce so like… is there a end game here?” 

“Hold on I can put it into my algorithm,” Tony said. 

“I’m sorry your what?” Natasha asked. 

“Well I have an algorithm for predicting these things, give me a sec,” Tony said, opening his computer.

“There’s no way that some computer program will be better at prodicting that then people,” Clint said. 

“Not just any computer prograhm,” Tony said. “I have over a thousand microdetails that need to match up in certain ways to show the kind of relationship two people will have,” 

“So how long does it take to input all of that?” Natasha asked, crossing her arms and leaning forward. 

“No time at all. Everyone’s being monitored all the time, I just use that data, because it’s just  _ floating _ out there in the world, all I need is to match the name and appearance to who is being monitored,” He said. “It’ll take about five minutes to finish the match up. 

“You creep me out man,” Clint said.

“Thank you. While that happens, I’m going to go find Loki,” Tony said. “Because I’m like 90% sure he got his hands on bubble bath,” 

“Uh oh,”

~

“ -I mean he has to be joking right? Right Buck? ‘What’s so bad about world war two’ my ass,” Steve muttered, angrily shoving his binder into his backpack. 

“Why is this kid even in the club if he’s so against talking about that stuff?” Bucky asked, leaning against the lockers. 

“Because he’s ‘oppressed’ for not getting exactly what he wants when he wants it,” Steve said. “And he wants us to talk about issues that effect him exclusively,” 

“What was today about anyway?” Bucky asked.

“Residual racism against people of jewish heritage,” steve said. “I swear I’m gonna punch him,” 

“Don’t punch him,” Bucky said. “I spend to much time keeping you alive as is,” 

“But I really wanna punch him,” Steve said, bouncing.

“No!” Bucky said. 

“I’m gonna punch him after school,” Steve said. Bucky just signed, resting his head on Steve’s. 

“Just don’t die,” Bucky said. “I got a weird call from Nat,”

“Mm? What’d she say?” Steve asked. 

“She asked if I thought Thor liked Bruce,” Bucky said. 

“Duh,” Steve said. “You said yes right?” 

“Duh,” Bucky mimicked. “Please don’t punch that guy,” 

“I’m punching him. Why do you think it came up” Steve asked. 

“I dunno, I was wondering the same thing,” He said. “I thought I saw Thor around here, I was wondering what he was doing here,”

“Didn’t he say something about the coach yesterday?” Steve asked. 

“Oh- I bet this is about the prowler,” Bucky said. “He knows more than the coach does about all that stuff,” 

“What’s a prowler?” Steve asked.

“Uh, it’s sorta like a huge piece of metal that you load with weight and push around the field a bunch,” Bucky said. 

“Sounds like that would dislocate every bone in my body,” Steve said. 

“I think looking at it would hurt you,” 

~

Loki had, luckily, not found any bubble bath, but he had found the soap dispenser. Luckily making a mess with soap wasn’t the end of the world cleaning wise, so within five minutes he’d been returned to the kitchen under close supervision. 

“You talk about Th’t?” Loki asked. 

“It’s  _ Thor _ not  _ Thot _ Loki,” Natasha said. 

“I know,” Loki lisped. “You talk about Th’t?” 

Natasha sighed, rubbing the washcloth over his arm again. “Yeah why?” 

“And you talk about Boots?” Loki asked. It was his long standing nickname for Bruce. Their standing theory was that R’s were hard for him to say so he just avoided them, but Thor thought that it was entirely possible he knew what he was doing. 

“Uh-” Clint said. “Why what did you hear?” 

“En’ugh,” Loki said, crossing his arms. 

“What will it take for you to tell us what you heard?” Tony asked. “A lollipop?” 

“Two lollipop,” Loki said, holding out two fingers. Tony laughed, pulling out a jar from the top. 

“Which colors?” Tony asked. 

“Don’t you mean flavors?” Natasha asked. 

“They taste more like colors than anything else,” Clint said. Loki crawled across the bar, grabbing one orange and one pink one with a cheeky grin. 

“T’anks,” Loki said. “You t’ink that Th’t likes Boots,” Loki stated. 

“Okay Loki, it’s very  _ very _ important you don’t  _ tell _ Thor anything you heard, okay?” Tony said. 

“That cost another lollipop,” Loki said, crossing his arms. Tony sighed, tilting the jar to him. “Okay,” 

“Hey Loki, have you ever… heard… Thor say anything about Bruce?” Natasha asked. Clint smacked her with his homework. “What? I’m just asking,” 

“That cost-” 

“You arn’t getting anymore candy,” tony said. 

“Maybe… I jus’ baby,” Loki said, crawling back to the barstool and getting down. “Who know,” 

“This kid is already a expert in extortion,” Natasha said. 

“Yeah that’s your fault,” Clint said. “You know that right?” 

“I’m so proud,” 

~

“Tony why are people being weird?” Bruce whispered in the hallway. 

“What do you mean?” Tony asked, smiling. 

“Everyone in the group keeps looking at me and then smiling,” Bruce said. “Or like… like talking and looking at me,” 

“I dunno man, you’re just paranoid,” Tony said. 

“But they are-” 

“No no no, don’t worry about it,” Tony said, patting his back. 

“But-” 

“Don’t worry dude,” Tony said. “Come on we have advanced cal in like one minute,” 

“Okay,” Bruce said. “I’m just going to give Thor back his jacket before we go,”

“Come on we’re going to be late,” Tony said. “Unless you wanna skip. We could skip I can hack attendance,”

“No i’m not skipping-” 

“Well then we’ve got to go,” Tony said. “You can give it to him at the end of the day,” 

“Sure, I guess,” Bruce said, shrugging. 

“Besides I need to get some pictures,” 

_ “Tony-” _

“Say cheese!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like it i'm ~failing school~ because I write instead of paying attention. 
> 
> BUT GUESS WHAT!  
> *not related to fic so you can skip if you want*   
> I FINALLY   
> FINALLY  
> F I N A L L Y   
> Got officially diagnosed with hypermobility-type Ehlers-Danlos syndrome !! Becuase my GP refered me to Rhemotology to get diognosed like 19 days ago and they kept trying to push me off because they didn't want to see me and we just found out it's because he already knew it was hEDS so he didn't wanna deal with me! So it's on my chart now and I can see a PT!   
> (I know this isn't to cool to anyone else but it's super awesome for me!)


	10. Here yah go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ay ay

“Clint, do you have gloves for tomorrow's game or do you need to borrow mine again?” Bucky asked, sinking down in the grass. Their teacher had called in sick last minute and instead of offering up a sub they just gave them a period off, so they were lounging out in the grass behind the school.

“We have a game tomorrow?” Clint asked, tilting his head. 

“What did you think we were running those plays for?” Thor asked. 

“Practice,” Clint said. 

“Practice  _ for the game,” _ Thor said. 

“Oh. Well that explains a lot,” Clint said. “Wait so if it’s tomorrow do we still have practice tonight?” 

“No because last year they canceled practice the day before,” Bucky said. 

“What happened last year?” Bruce asked. 

“Some kid dove for a practice ball for some reason and tore their ACL. Still can’t play, so the coach doesn't want to risk it. Also then we can rest more,” Thor said. 

“Oh that makes sense,” Bruce said. 

“Hey you guys are coming to the game right?” Clint asked. 

“Unfortenetly I don’t have a choice,” Natasha said. “If it when’t for cheer I wouldn’t come,” 

“Aw come on you don’t wanna watch me play?” Clint asked, mock hurt. 

“Let me think about that for a minute- no. No I don’t,” She said. 

“I’ve got my dad trying to fly me out to New York but I can push that,” Tony said. 

“You know you can skip if it’s like a for real meeting, right?” Bucky said. 

“They’re all assholes anyway,” Tony said. “Just try and win,” 

“What about you Bruce?” Thor asked. 

“Uh… as long as I finish my paper I can probably make it,” Bruce said. “I’ll need to see,” 

“Okay!” Thor said, flopping back on the grass.. Everyone -save Bruce- exchanged eye contact with a smirk. “What? Did I miss something?” Thor asked. 

“Nope,” Tony said. “Same paper as last night Bruce?” 

“No I finished that at lunch,” Bruce said. “This is that science extra credit thing,” 

“Why do you even do those assignments?” Clint asked. 

“I like doing homework,” Bruce said, shrugging. Clint fake gagged, rolling over onto his stomach. 

“Couldn't be me,” He said. 

“We all know Clint,” Natasha said, petting his hair. “What the hell is in your hair?” 

“Gel. I’ve got circus stuff tonight so I used a lot,” He said. 

“Why is it staining my hand?” She asked. 

“Because the strongest hair gel I could find is for men with dark roots,” clint said with a chuckle. 

“Come on, we’re going to the bathroom and I am washing out your hair,” Natasha said. “This is horrifying. You’re scaring the children,” 

“I’m not scaring children,” Clint muttered. 

“Tony, Loki, look scared,” She said. 

“His hair is something to fear,” Tony said, looking up from his laptop. 

“Scawy,” Loki said with a nod. 

“Come on, let’s go,”

~

“I’m going to fail,” Sam said, banging his head on the desk. 

“No you aren't,” Bucky said. “You mom would kill you otherwise,”

“Well thank you for the reminder Bucky, contrary to popular belief I am aware of that,” Sam said.  _ “And yet,” _

“Why did you wait until now to study?” Natasha asked. 

“I was busy last night,” Sam said. “I mean busy doing nothing but still,”

“I’m just planning on failing,” thor said. “Maybe if I tell them that Loki was sick or something they will let me off,” 

“You did that one last week,” Bruce said. 

“Oh you’re right,” He said. “Loki, do you feel like breaking a arm?” 

“Do da homewor’,” Loki said, crossing his arms. 

“Fine but don’t expect a bedtime story tonight,” Thor said. Loki stuck out his tongue, going back to scribbling with sharpie on the floor. 

“Is that permanent?” Bucky asked. 

“Yes. I write bad word,” Loki said. 

“Like what?” Tony asked, grinning. 

“Shi’ eater,” Loki said. “Pwincable Furry taught me,” 

“Principle Fury taught you?” Tony asked. “Why don’t we go talk to principal Fury?” 

“Ooh! I’m coming, I can miss the test,” Thor said. 

“Me too,” Sam said. “I mean- only to stand up for what’s right, of course,” 

“I’ll tell the teacher,” Natasha said with a eyeroll. “You know she’s just going to make you retake it later, right?” 

“Exactly. Later,” 

~

“Oh, here Thor, this is your jacket back,” Bruce said, taking it out of his locker. 

“You walk home right?” Thor asked. Bruce nodded, confused. 

“Alright, keep it for now, okay?” thor said. “Me and Loki rid the bus, you’ll be cold,” 

“But-” 

“You can give it back to me at the game,” Thor said with a smile. “If you go,” 

“I… yeah okay,” Bruce said. “I’ll see you then?” 

“Ooh- call me tonight, I need homework help,” Thor said. 

“I thought you had the day off of homework,” Bruce said. “For the game,” 

“Oh backlog,” Thor said. “Besides, Loki likes using facetime, right Loki?” 

“Mhm!” Loki said, nodding his head aggressively. 

“I- okay I can do that,” Bruce said. 

“Awsome, I’ll call you at like seven okay?” Thor said. Bruce nodded, pulling on his jacket. “Okay, see you!” He said, jogging down the road to the bus stop. 

“I do it right?” Loki asked as the bus rattled up. 

“Yes, good job,” Thor said, patting his head.

“I get the candy now?” Loki asked. Thor smiled, handing him a starburst. “Tank you!” 

“Little extortionist,” Thor said. Loki smiled, taking a bite out of his candy. “Did you just  _ bite _ a star burst? With the rapper on?” 

“It tast better with peel,” Loki said with a grin. 

“No…?” Thor said. “Loke’s that’s paper,” 

“Peel,” 

_ “Paper,” _

_ “Peel,” _ Loki said, popping the rest into his mouth. “Done,”

“This is why you got kicked out of that preschool,” Thor said. “And the other one,” 

“No that was for bite,” Loki said. 

“Oh, yeah, I forgot you bit a kid’s face,” Thor said. Loki just smiled, climbing onto the bus. “Why do I feel like you have a life of crime ahead of you?” 

~

“Okay that was just sickening,” Bucky said. “And in front of children,” 

“Have you heard Loki talk about the hockey team? I’ve never been so sure of a child's sexuality,” Natasha said. 

“Oh I was referring to Tony,” Bucky said. Tony threw his water bottle at him with an eye roll. “Ow!” 

“Wait what’s going on?” Sam asked. 

“Oh we haven’t told you yet,” Natasha said. “Do you not read the group chat,” 

“No I turned off notifications after that one picture Clint sent of the stripper clowns,” Sam said. 

“Listen dude it’s not my fault that my brother’s roomates are weird,” Clint said. 

“Okay but you didn’t have to  _ show _ us,” Natasha said. “I’ve had nightmares about that ever sense,” 

“From the clowns?” Clint asked. “They are nice once you get to know them,” 

“Nope nope nope nope. I don’t do clowns,” che said. 

“So what’s going on?” Sam asked. 

“Oh we’re trying to figure out if Thor likes Bruce,” Tony said. 

“What? There’s no way,” Sam said. 

“Think about it dude,” Bucky said. “Have you heard him like… ever open his mouth around him?” 

“But… there’s no way, right?” Sam said. 

“I dunno man,” Steve said. “The evidence is pretty damning,” 

“Well… maybe,” Sam said. “I mean I would believe it if it where anyone else but…” 

“I’m not saying I understand it,” Natasha said. “But it’s simple fact,” 

“Huh,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not me getting a sore throat, cough and headache during a pandemic while living with my grandparents. Not me being the smartest kid in my class and still having missing assignments. Not me getting diognosed with a incurable degenitive desiese. Not me dislocating my wrist opening my soda today because of said disiease. 
> 
> who tf did I anger?


	11. Aggressive meat cleavers/blenders/pillows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like it

“Dude I don’t think I can take this,” Thor said, banging his head on his desk. “Hear me out, what if I just became a professional football player and moved on from academia forever,” 

Bruce laughed, covering his face. “First of all you mean academics, second of all professional sports have zero job security, you’re better off with a bachelors,” 

“See this is why you are so smart,” thor said. “I don’t even know what job security is,” 

“How do you not know… nevermind. Here, what do you have so far?” 

“The scientific theory has been used in lots of things for investigating,” Thor said. 

“...okay,” 

“I could also be a stripper,” Thor said. “I would make a great stripper,” 

“So that’s not… exactly what scientific theory is,” Bruce said. “So it’s sorta how you explain a aspect of anything in the natural world,” Bruce said. “So like if you wanted to know how a ant could carry so much more then it’s body weight you would use scientific theory,”

“Ugh I’m just going to tell the teacher that I have a game that night or something,” thor said. “What homework do you have left?” 

“Oh! Um… I don’t think I have anything due anytime soon,” Bruce said. “I- uh…” 

“Like doing homework?” Thor asked with a smile. “Ugh I wish I was as smart as you,” 

“You’re really smart when you aren't planning out your life of stripping,” Bruce said. “Didn’t you like learn an eygiption language or something?”

“Yeah but that’s different,” Thor said. “You just, like...  _ understand _ things,”

Bruce chuckled awkwardly, looking down. “So scientific theory…”

“Bleh,”

~

“Sam honey I think you should invite some of those friends of yours over tonight,” Sam’s mom said, swinging around the doorframe. 

“I- why?” Sam asked. 

“I’m going to ask your dad to make burgers, and they where just so lovely last time I would love to see them again. The short one, Tony I think, he was really polite,” she said. 

“Tony does cocain off of the lunch table,” Sam said. “And he’s like eight,” 

“Well I’m sure he would love to come hang out,” she said. “I’m calling everyone's parents,” 

“How do you even know their numbers?” Sam asked. 

“I asked the school secretary for the rubric and used the phone book,” She said. “It’s not that hard,” 

“Just don’t try and adopt them or something,” Sam said. 

“I wouldn’t do that,” She said. “Oh and I’m inviting that kid Wade you told me about,” 

“Oh ew don’t invite Wade,” Sam said. “He’s gross and weird,” 

“Samual Thomis Wilson first of all you do not tell me who I can or can not invite in this house unless your name is on the mortgage, second I know I did not raise you to talk that way about other people behind their back,” She said, cocking a hip. 

“Aw come on mom, he’s creepy,” Sam said. 

“I’m inviting him and you won’t say another word about it,” She said. “And I’m having Natasha tell me if you say anything about him behind his back.” She said. 

“Ugh, whatever,” Sam said. 

“And you need to get cleaning! Look your homework is all over the table, and the baseboards are discusting,” She said. 

“This is why I never want friends over!” 

~

“Hold on my moms calling, I gotta go,” thor said, standing up. “Thank you for trying to help, but I think I’m going to look into stripping some more. It’s deffinitly less complicated,” 

“Oh! You’re welcome,” Bruce said. “I should tell you some time about the physics of pole dancing, it’s really interesting,” 

“Remind me to ask you about that later!” Thor said, “See yah,” 

“Bye…” Bruce said, turning off his phone, which has been below what he would want for battery life, which was at least 50%. He panicked whenever he looked at his friends phones, mainly Clint and Thor’s, because they always kept them well below 30. 

He plugged it in and opened his laptop, planning to get a head start on homework, when he saw a email in his school inbox adressed to his father. He’d rewired all emails using the adress he’d given the school to come to his computer first so he could make sure it wasn’t anything that would piss off his dad.

“Hey dad can I go to Sams-” Bruce yelled, pausing when he saw his father was already on the phone. “Oh shit,”

~

“Well Sam it looks like Bruce can make it,” Sams mom said, hanging up the phone. “His dad was unsure at first but I persuaded him. I didn’t get a law degree for nothing,” 

“Mom-” 

“The table needs to be wiped down before they get here,” She said, throwing a rag at him. “Your grandma was right I never should have bought a glass dining table. Honey would you be mad if I switched to wood?” She asked. 

“Why would I give a crap about the table?” he asked. 

“Nostalgia?” she said. 

“Do whatever you want with the table, I really don’t care,” He said. 

“Watch it or I’m bringing out the baby albums,” She said. 

“Fine,” He said with a eyerol, grabbing the paper towles. “Wait you talked to  _ Bruce’s _ dad?” 

“Yes, why?” she yelled from the other room. 

“Nothing. I just don’t hear about him,” Sam said. “I assumed he didn’t live with bruce or something,”

“Well does he talk about him mom a lot?” His mom asked. 

“No,” Sam said. 

“Maybe he’s just more privet then your other friends,” She said. “By the way Wade can make it to,” 

“Oh so you also talked to him on the phone,” he said. “Great…” 

“I talked to everyone's parents,” She said. “Your friends are just so  _ interesting,” _

“Oh no,”

~

“Hey dude, get in,” Tony said, pulling up to Wades driveway. He was the only one who could drive and also had a car. “Holy shit what happened to  _ you?” _ Tony asked. 

“Pillow fight,” Wade said with a smile.

“It looks like someone beat you up with a meat cleaver,” Tony said, pulling out of the driveway. 

“You should see the other guy,” Wade said, running a hand through his hair, whipping the blood off on his jean legs. 

“I’m sorry he looks worse?” Tony asked. 

“ICU,” Wade said. Tony raised his eyebrows. 

“Impressive,” He said. “So what happened?” 

“Something fucking stupid with this jerk,” Wade said. “He always pissed me off, but he hits his wife so he had it coming,” He said, kicking his feet up on the dashboard. 

“Seems fair enough,” Tony said, speeding up. “Do you care if I go fast? You seem like the kinda person who’d have a death wish,” 

“If seven suicide attempts won’t do it I dout a car crash will,” Wade said. 

“See, more people should have this attitude when I drive,” 

~

“Here, this is it,” Tony said, stopping with a lurch. 

“Who’s that?” Wade asked, pulling his beanie off his face, pointing to a dog, running around the corner. 

“Bella!” Tony said, opening his door. “Come here! Hi girl,” He said, patting his lap. The boxer jumped up, licking his face. 

“Aw hi sweetie,” Wade said, reaching out his hand. Bella jumped back at first, then surged forward, licking his face. “Ow,” 

“Come on, they made food,” Tony said, closing his door. Wade opened his, letting her jump out, and whipped his face before following him. “Hey, that’s Bruce. Hey Bruce!” He yelled. Bruce, who was walking up the street, gave a half wave. 

“Lets go I smell food,” Wade said, following the dog. Tony laughed, jogging after him to the porch. 

“Hi Tony,” Sams mom said, answering the door. “This must be Wade!” 

“Uh oh, sensarity,” Wade said. 

“Are you alright, did you get in a crash,” she asked, taking Wade’s beenie off for him to look at his face. 

“No,” Wade said. 

“Why, what has Sam told you?” Tony asked with a grin. 

“To much,” She said. “Come in, I’ll get you a ice pack Wade,” 

“Oh I’m good-”

“It wasn’t a question,” She said. “Everyone’s in the living room,”

“Okay, Bruce is right behind us,” Tony said as they walked in. 

“Geez Wade, what blender ran into your face?” Natasha asked. 

“It was a pillow, actually,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha I hate everything


	12. Ayyy ayyy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like it!

“Ay! Keep that on your face hun,” Sam's mom said, as soon as Wade lowered the ice pack. 

“Look, my jaw’s barely broken!” Wade said with a smile, setting it down. 

_ “Wade…” _ She said. “Sam I’m adopting your friends,” 

“Nooo,” Sam said, throwing a burger bun at her. 

“Don’t waste food sam,” She said. 

“Yeah sam,” Tony echoed. 

“Tony I am  _ this close _ to hitting you with this shovel,” Sam said. 

“Aborting him,” Natasha said, getting a high five from Thor.

“Ha, ha, ha,” Tony said, rolling his eyes. 

“Come on, Paul is almost done with the grilling,” Sam’s mom said. “You can get veggies and stuff now,” 

“What veggie?” Loki asked, pulling on Thor’s jeans. 

“Like carrots and stuff,” Thor said. “The stuff you scrape off your plate,” 

“Ew,” Loki said. 

“You are going to love my veggies,” Darlien said. “I make special veggies, don’t I Sam,” She asked. 

“Uh… sure?” Sam said, earning a nasty look from her. “Sorry mom, I don’t like cauliflower,” 

“Well that’s because you’re weird,” She said. “Loki you wanna be more grown up then Sam huh?” 

“Yeees,” Loki said with a grin. 

“Okay, that means you need to eat a whole piece of cauliflower,” She said. “Can you do that?” 

“Only if Thot doesn't eat it,” Loki said, crossing his arms. 

“Fine by me,” Thor said. “Come on,”

“I am a bigger kid than Sam,” Loki said with a proud nod. 

“Not exactly hard,” Sam's mom said.

“Hey!” 

“You still sleep with a night light honey, can you blame me?” 

~

“So Bruce I just wanted to talk to you for a second,” Sam’s mom said, pulling Bruce aside.

“What- why?” Bruce asked, nervously looking back at the group. 

“It’s nothing bad, don’t worry,” She said. 

“Heh,” 

“I just wanted to touch base with you and make sure you’re okay, I heard a tense conversation before hanging up with your dad,” She said. 

“I- that’s uh… don’t worry about that that’s… that’s nothing, really,” Bruce said 

“I just wanted to make sure because it sounded like someone was rather upset-” 

“No no, that's the TV, don’t worry about it!” Bruce said, shifting from foot to foot. 

“Are you sure-” 

“Absolutely positive, nothing to worry about!” bruce said. “I should get back,” 

“If there is anything you need to tell me it’s really alright-” 

“Nope! Nothing at all!” Bruce said. “Uh I should really be getting back though it’s… I mean I can’t exactly just… I uh,” 

“Why don’t you hang out until it’s dark, I’m getting Paul to drop everyone off,” She said. 

“Ooh, that’s okay I-” 

“It’s freezing, we insist,” She said. 

“I’m really okay it’s uh… I- okay…” Bruce said with a shrug. 

“If there is anything you need to tell me…”

“No no no no no, it’s- I’m good there’s nothing I- it’s fine uh… I’m gonna just-” Bruce said, backing up a little. 

“Alright sweetie,” She said, patting his head somewhat condescending. 

“Heh,” Bruce said, “Alright… I’m gonna just… yeah….” He said, stepping back and tripping over himself, barely managing to catch himself before falling. “I’m going to go back over there…” 

“Alright,” She said, watching him scamper back to his spot next to Thor, who greeted him enthusiastically. “Paul hunny, come here,” She said. 

“Yes?” He asked. 

“First of all do you know where we put the rest of Sam’s old toys, I want to pull some out for Loki,” She said. 

“Probably the garage but I'd be heading to the storage unit to get the fall yard work equipment, I can check then,” He said. 

“Second, I’m trying to figure out who all here is dating, I need your help,” She said. “What do you think about those two? Steve the sick one and that other guy?” she said. 

“Bucky or something,” Paul said. “I assumed they were, do you think they aren't?” 

“Well I thought so, but I don’t want to say anything,” She said, wringing her hands. “I’m also confused about Bruce and that blonde guy,” She said. 

“He’s  _ blond _ actually, not  _ blonde,” _ Wade said. “It’s french or some shit, so you use the masculen spelling,” 

“Oh thank you hun,” She said. 

“But we’re talking-” John said. 

“Shhh,” She said. “Anyway, I can’t tell with those two,” 

“I don’t know,” He said. “Bruce seems way too nervous to date anyone,” 

“That’s true,” She said. “What about the girl? Natasha and that kid,” she said. 

“Oh they have to be together,” He said. “He would be way more nervous sitting that close to ehr if they when’t together,” 

“Or he’s gay,” Darlene said. 

“You wouldn’t sit that close to someone you didn’t like,” He said. “See Tony and Sam, that’s how you sit with friends. None of those three pairs are sitting like friends,” 

“I’ll keep a eye on them, and get Sam to snoop some,” She said. “I’m just so  _ curious,” _

“I know, you’re nosey,” He said. “Oh shoot- I left the grill on,” 

“Go turn it off!” she said, pushing him away. “Okay, who wants to turn on a movie? I have the nightmare before christmas…”

“Yeeeees!” 

~ 

“You know, if any of you want to stay for the night, I would love to keep you here for the night,” Darlene said. “I know that it’s late, and I’m happy to drive but it might be easier for everyone,” 

“Yeah that sounds good, I’ll just text my mom,” Natasha said, grabbing her phone. “Clint you good to stay?” 

“Uh yeah. This foster family has so many kids I think they forgot I live there to,” Clint said. 

“That’s awful,” Sam’s mom said. 

“No it’s great. I can do my job without anyone bugging me,” Clint said. “And if a month or so my brother gets me, so we’re all good,” 

“What do you do for work?” she asked. 

_ “Don’t ask!” _ Several of them said at the same time. 

“Seriously mom don’t, you don’t wanna know,” Sam said. Clint just winked. 

“What is he a prostitute?” She asked, making Sam’s face drop. 

“No, that's Wade's job,” Clint said, unfazed. 

“No I sell drugs,” Wade said. 

“I work with the circus down the road,” Clint said. “I do like aerial tricks and archery tricks and shit. It’s pretty fun, but the clowns are creeps,” He said. “One of them tried to pay to have me killed, but I shot the clown that the other clown hired, so it was fine,” 

“Well that’s… very impressive,” She said. “So everyone’s staying?” 

“Oh- I uh- I think my dad uh… he’s… I should get back… probably,” Bruce said. 

“I can call your dad, make sure it’s alright,” Paul said. 

“Oh it’s really okay-” 

“No no, I insist,” He said. “Of course if you  _ want _ to leave-” 

“Bruce doesn't want to go,” Tony said. “Do you Bruce?” 

“I- uh…” Bruce said. 

“Come oooon Bruce, it’ll be boring if you leave,” Thor said, flopping across Bruce’s lap. “Who will explain the science of Tim Burton movies?” He said. 

“Uh… I… I guess I could stay for a minute…” Bruce said. 

“Yes!” Thor said, high fiving Bucky. 

“I would love to stay but I need to walk home to get my meds,” Steve said. 

“I’ll go, if you walk out in the cold you’re going to break,” Bucky said. 

“I’ll drive you,” Tony said. 

_ “I’ll _ drive, Tony you’re a baby,” sam’s mom said. 

“I’m not a baby! I’m 12!” tony said. “And I know that makes me sound like a baby but I’m  _ not,” _

“Mhm,” she said. “12 is way too young to drive,” 

“If I’m too young to drive then why don’t the police pull me over?” Tony asked. 

“I thought you were paying off the police,” Bruce said. “That’s what you did that one time we got pulled over-” 

“Okay shut up now!” 

~

“I’m back and I have  _ all _ the drugs,” Steve said, holding up a bag of medicine bottles. 

“Are they-” 

“Only legal drugs Wade,” Steve said. 

“You can still have a lot of fun with legal drugs,” Tony said.

“No- Tony you’re already an alcoholic,” Natasha said. “Don’t do drugs to,”

“Ah, yes I shall  _ not _ do drugs, and absolutely never have,” Tony said with an eye roll, making Clint smack him in the head with a book. “Ow! Geeze,” 

“My mom’s here,” Sam said with a sigh, face palming. 

“I’m sorry Tony drinks?” Sam's mom said, raising her eyebrows. 

“Don’t worry,” Tony said with a smile. “I never drink  _ alone _ ,” 

“Yeah, like  _ that _ makes it okay,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just posted this to the wrong fic fml


	13. Calm down o

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fml

“Okay hear me out, we take the pillows, and then we use the drain pipe for  _ leverage _ which is when the parachute comes in-” 

“It’s not dense enough,” Tony said. “You’d be better off with something like a tarp, not a bedsheet,” 

“We have tarps in the garage from when we fixed our roof,” Sam said. “I’ll go get them,” 

“See if you can find any flippers while you’re in there!” Thor called. 

“What are the flippers for again?” Bruce asked. 

“Traction,” Thor said. 

“But that’s not how that works-” 

“Shh,” Tony said. “We don’t tell them the science before hand, we let them fail and gloat afterwords,” 

“That feels mean,” Bruce said. 

“And this feels stupid but I’m not saying anything,” Tony said, bouncing a ball against the roof. 

“That- that’s exactly… that was my point-” Bruce said, interrupted by Sam returning with the tarp and flippers. 

“We’re  _ good to go!” _ He yelled, leading to cheers.

“Just keep them from dying, everything else is fair game,” Tony whispered.

“But what if they get hurt?” Bruce whispered back. 

“They are trying to parachute off of the roof with flippers, I think that they could predict the outcome,” Tony whispered. 

“Well  _ yeah _ but-” 

_ “Boys if you do not get off the roof this moment I am calling ALL of your parents!” _ Sam’s mom yelled, running outside. 

“No no no, we used science, it’ll work!” Thor yelled back. “Right Bruce?” 

“Eeeh,” Bruce said, shrugging. 

“Nope nope nope, get off of there,” She said. “Really? Bruce?” 

“They made me,” Bruce said, climbing down the ladder, almost stepping on Clint, who did a backflip off, landing on his feet. 

“Loki isn’t up there is he?” she asked, resting her hands on her hip. 

“No I duck taped him to the drain,” Thor said, causing her jaw to drop. “Oh it’s fine he’s having a great time,” 

“Hewwo!” Loki yelled, waving at her. “I float!” 

“Oh my-  _ Paul, get a knife!” _

_ ~ _

“In our defence Tony said the tarp would work,” Sam said. 

“I told you I had one rule,” Sams mom said, putting her head in her hand.

“Don’t eat on the nice sofas?” Thor asked, raising his hand. 

“Two rules,” she revised. “No eating on the nice sofas,  _ and _ don’t do anything that could get you sent to the hospital,” 

“Breathing gets me sent to the hospital,” Steve said, raising his hand. 

“So what does jumping off a roof do?” She asked, a hand on her hip. 

“Well if you hadn’t interrupted us we would have found out,” Bucky said. 

“Not the right answer,” She said. “I’ll tell you what, I’m going to leave you with Paul while I get some snacks, and then you are all going to stay upstairs for the night so you don’t hurt yourself,” She said. 

“I come I come I come?” Loki asked, jumping with his hand up. 

“Loki don’t bug-” Thor started.

“No no, come on Loki. I miss shopping with kids,” She said. “If you’re good I might get you a gum ball,” 

“Wassa gum ball?” Loki asked, tilting his head. 

“This will be fun. Sam go get your dad, tell him I said he can’t take his eyes off of y’all okay?” she said. 

“Mhm,” Sam said. 

“Come on Loki, I’m going to teach you about vegetables,” She said. “Does anyone here have allergies? I should have asked that before dinner,” 

“Nope,” Bruce said. 

“Bruce can’t eat peanuts and Steve is allergic to everything,” Natasha said. “Bruce we’re just going to give you a epipen if you eat nuts, we’re not just going to let you die,” 

“Worth the shot,” He said. 

“Alright I’ll figure out some stuff for you guys,” she said. “Steve you wanna come so I can make sure you don’t get anything you can’t eat?”

“Nah I’m good,” Steve said. “Just get like… fruit or something, I dunno,” 

“I’ll get something better, don’t worry,” she said. “Behave, alright?” 

“Yes ma’am,” 

~

True to her word, she’d found a  _ lot _ of good snacks, even for Steve, who got a few different kinds of popcorn, fruit cups and dried mango and dark chocolate. Everyone else had oreos, chips and soda’s (and a organic brand for Steve, because he was allergic to food dye). Natasha tried to stick to sparkling water, which did not go over well with them. 

“I just don’t see why any of you should  _ care _ about whether or not I eat a oreo,” Natasha said. 

“Come on, one oreo won’t ruin your routine,” said Clint. 

“They are  _ really _ strict about flyers. If I gain weight it could actually injure them,” Natasha said.

“You are  _ tiny _ Nat, we lift twice your weight in the gym!” Clint said. “One oreo,” 

“No,” 

“But you’re being left out!” Clint said. 

“I feel perfectly content,” She said. 

“One.” 

“No. And if you don’t stop I’m going to choke you with that oreo,” 

“Pleaaase Nat,” 

“If I eat it will you shut up?” She asked. Clint nodded, smiling. “Fine,” 

“Yes!” He said, handing her the cookie, which she took an angry bite out of. 

“None of you are making Tony eat,” She said, popping the rest of the cookie in her mouth,”

“I’m eating!” Tony said. 

“You had one handful of organic plain popcorn, it has like… negative calories in it,” She said. 

“I also ate dinner,” He said. 

“It’s not my fault I don’t like hamburger buns!” She said. “I still ate the meat,” 

“What do you think fills you up? Protein?” Tony asked. 

“Oh my- you know for a new born you have a awful lot to say,” She said, taking a sip of her fancy water. Tony threw a crumpled up piece of paper at her. 

“Tony you just threw plans on disarming the US’s major explosive devices into a bowl of chips,” Bruce said. 

“I already wrote it down, I don’t need the paper,” Tony said. 

“...what?” Bruce asked. 

“Once you write it down you have it memorized, right?” Tony said. 

“This explains how you seem to pass your classes,” Bruce said. 

“I’m already working ahead into the next month,” tony said. 

“Weirdo,” Bruce said. 

“I’m sorry what’s your grade average?” Tony asked. “4.0?” 

“Well-” 

“No no, really I’m interested,” Tony said. 

“It’s.. it’s a 4.6,” Bruce said. 

“I don’t think that’s possible,” Natasha said. “Hold on- let me see your canvas,” 

“It’s… for extra credit,” Bruce said, allowing her to grab his laptop. “Or- like I did extra credit and- well the… I already had good grades so-” 

“Holy fuck,” Natasha said. “I mean you’re not Tony smart but this is still low key disturbing,” 

“...thank you?”

~

“Tony did you know there’s a documentary about you on netflix?” Steve asked. 

“Only one?” Tony asked, looking over the edge of his laptop. “Oh- that one cracks me up! It’s a beautiful combination of exploring how sad and lonely my life is, while making heart wrenching predictions for my future,” Tony said. “I watch it when I want to laugh,” 

“Oooh, look it’s described as an emotional, heartfelt documentary, exploring the secret life of Tony Stark, the child behind the cameras,” Wade said. “I personally would choice the documentary underneath it, exploring  _ THE _ Tony Stark’s life of-” 

“Oh we don’t need to look at that one!” Tony said, slamming close Wade’s laptop. 

“Spicy,” Wade said. Tony rolled his eyes, before picking up the laptop. 

“Is this a school crome book?” Tony asked. 

“Yeah I stole the mother fucker in like third grade,” Wade said. “I put all my stickers over the logo though so you can’t tell,” 

“Hold on I want to take a look at this,” Tony said, causing all of them to groan collectively. 

“What?” Wade asked. 

“Tony finds it necessary to update/scrap and replace all of our electronics,” Bucky said, pulling out his hair tie. “It’s sweet at first and then it gets annoying,” 

“I can’t be friends with someone who uses an android Bucky,” Tony said. “I’m sure you understand,” 

“I really don’t,” Bucky said. 

“Do whatever you want to that thing,” Wade said. “It’s not like I can’t steal another one, they just  _ hand _ those things out,” 

“Yeah you’re suppose to give those back you know,” Sam said. 

“It’s a self run charity for one,” Wade said with a wink.

“Look at how  _ swollen _ this battery is-” 

~

“I mean I want to die all the time. I wake up, I’m disopointed,” Wade said, bouncing a ball against Sam’s head. “Think about how many times I could have bit it. That time the police tried to kill me, that time I tried to kill myself, that time I tried to kill myself, that time I tried to kill myself, that time my dad tried to hang me with a belt, that time I tried to kill myself-” 

“Are you  _ okay?” _ Clint asked. 

“No,” Wade said. Bruce high fived him. 

“Bruce. Bruce no,” Thor said. “I’m just going to hold your hand so you can’t touch it anymore,” 

“Wade’s not a  _ it,” _ Steve said. 

“No no, he’s got a point,” Wade said. “Pale, bad hair, loves balloons, gets along with children…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ha ha wade is me in this last bit. Also I just started reading 'it' and omfg how can a book so long be so compelling? 
> 
> please send happy coments, not only for all the shit going down today, but because I just found out that my grandma can hear me plotting out fanfic points for the future -and as you read on in this fic it will make sense why that's so bad- and I might just SLIP into a semi truck.


	14. late night sneek out and tony has a job

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wee woo wee woo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ay ay!

“Who’s still awake?” Clint whispered. About half of them sat up straight away, and Tony swung open the closet, where he was still writing on his laptop. “Okay wait let’s get a headcount,” 

“Me and Thor have been smacking each other with our homework for a hour,” Bucky whispered. 

“I am,” Natasha whispered. “Because you can’t hold still for  _ two minutes,” _

“I get bored,” He said. “Thor is Bruce asleep?” 

“He’s either asleep or just ignoring us,” Thor said, in what was technically a whisper, but still probably carried through the house, causing them to wince. 

“Wouldn’t surprise me,” Tony said, closing his laptop. 

“I’m going to go get a snack,” Sam said. “Let’s all go so we don’t wake them up,” 

“Okay,” Bucky said, throwing Steve off of him with the absolute  _ least _ care possible, causing Steve to hit his head fairly hard against Sam’s nightstand. 

_ “Bucky!” _ Natasha hissed. 

“On come on he can sleep through a head injury,” Bucky said. “I think he can sleep through anything,”

“This is why he has so many heath issues,” Natasha muttered, grabbing Clint’s hoodie off the floor and pulling it on over her teeshirt. 

“Okay we just need to be quiet or else my parents are going to get upset,” Sam said. They all nodded, following Sam’s footsteps in order to avoid squeaky spots. Except for Natasha, who walked right down the middle of the stairs, which they knew from going up, squeaked really bad, except she stayed completely silent. 

“That girl… she scared me,” Clint whispered to Tony, who snickered while watching her float down the stairs, seemingly weightless. 

“Come on, or we’ll wake up Bella,” Sam whispered. “She gets spooked really easy, and once she starts howling it’s all over,” He said. 

“That bella?” Tony asked, pointing to Bella who was sprawled with her legs in the air on the couch. 

“She’s not suppose to be on the sofa,” Sam whispered, amused.  _ “Bella,” _ He hissed. Bella jerked up, jumping guiltily off the sofa with a tail wag. “Don’t tell on me, I won’t tell on you, okay?” He whispered. Bella must have understood, because she went back to sleep. 

“Sibling energy,” Clint whispered as they reached the end of the steps. “Sam, do you still have that play book from coach?” 

“Yeah, you want to go over it again before tomorrow?” Bucky asked. Clint and Thor nodded aggressively. 

“Ew, Tony come on, no more sports,” Natasha said with an eyeroll. 

“Thank goodness,” Tony said. “Hey you’re in coding right?” 

“Duh,” She said. 

“So I figured out how to hack the ‘unhackable’ website, but I don’t know this language,” 

“Oh well  _ that’s _ easy-” 

~ 

“Wow, you guys are up early,” Sam’s dad said stumbling downstairs. “Early bird gets the worm, huh?” He said with a wink, pointing to his shirt, which had the same saying written across it, causing Sam to groan. “Y’all always wake up this early?” 

Bucky snapped the play book closed and Thor threw it across the room, narrowly missing Tony’s head. Tony, to his credit, just ducked as if he’d completely expected the binder to come hurtling at his head. 

“Yep!” Bucky said, as if he ever woke up before noon when left to his own devices.

“...none of you went to sleep did yah?” Sam’s dad asked. 

He was a really nice man, far nicer than many of the people in the town. He could be seen wearing only two styles, as if he was at work, church or golf, and wearing his self proclaimed ‘mom jeans’ with old Tee shirts. He kept his slightly graying hair cut close to his head, which he claimed was much less work then his 90’s afro. Now he was already dressed in his second kind of outfit, bird shirt and all. 

“Of course we did sir,” Thor said, with compleat sincerity. “Tony we went to sleep at like, 11 right?” 

“Closer to 11:30,” Tony said, not even looking up. “But if you have camera’s you want to check, go ahead,” 

“See, I could do that,” Sam’s dad said, leaning against the counter as he poured a cup of coffee. “But the baby monitor we stashed under those cushions right there really helped us sort out what happened,” 

“...fuck,”

~

“Oh are the boys still asleep?” Sam’s mom said, walking downstairs. Even though she had promised to make them breakfast, Sam’s dad had decided that it would be faster -but more importantly, less burnt- if they ordered from McDonalds. Now several of the boys who had stayed up the night before where sprawled across the living room sofa. 

“They just fell asleep about ten minutes ago,” Sam’s dad said, handing her a bag with egg bites. “Morning hun,” 

“Morning paul,” she said, kissing his cheek. “You need to shave,” 

“Shave this?” He asked, mock offended. “What, my rugged charm?” 

“More like broom stubble,” She said, taking a sip of coffee. “Anyone here want coffee?” 

“Me and Bruce do,” Tony said, answering for Bruce, who never did well when asked for his own opinion or preference for something. Everyone who was still asleep was woken up so Paul could order their food.

“Cream or sugar?” She asked. 

“Bruce?” Tony asked. Bruce, who was being pinned down by Thor, who was long sense asleep, shrugged awkwardly, avoiding eye contact. 

“I’ma add a little bit of cream for both of yah,” She said. “Cut’s the bitter taste,” 

“Oh I’m fine to take it black,” Tony said. 

“We have strong coffee,” She said, handing him the mug with cream and sugar.

She would never  _ admit _ that she had been using Sam to spy on the friend group, but she’d been bugging him to report on everything to do with his friends health, including their eating habits, and she was particularly concerned about the fact that Tony and Bruce where rarely seen having anything other then black coffee, save for disgusting green smoothies Tony’s father made him drink.

“Thanks ma’am,” Bruce said, timidly taking the coffee mug.

“Don’t spill it on his face honey,” She said, gesturing to Thor, who was sound asleep on him. 

“Eh heh,” Bruce said.

“You guys have that game today?” Paul asked. 

“Seven thirty,” Natasha said. “Then need to get there at seven,  _ I _ need to get there at four because we have a competition with the opposite teams cheer squad before the game, and then we’re cheering for that,” 

“That sounds like fun,” Clint said. 

“Clearly you don’t cheer,” She said. “I think I would rather blow my brains out. Or do a group project with Tony,” 

“Hey!” Tony yelled, throwing a paper at her. 

“There’s a reason only Bruce can keep up with your presentation. Last week you two did a google slide show that lasted four class periods. And they didn’t let us leave,” she said. “Where you even paying attention at that point?” 

“I was never paying attention,” Tony said. 

“What are you talking about you did most of the project,” Bruce said. 

“You did at least thirty slides,” Tony said. 

“And we had 212!” Bruce said. 

“Whatever. I already knew about the subject so it was easy,” he said. 

“How have you already researched High-energy particle physics and nuclear physics?” Bruce asked. 

“I get bored,” Tony said with a shrug. “My only hobbies are work, school and alcohol, and when I drink I work so,” Tony said, shrugging. 

“Wait what  _ job _ do you have?” Natasha asked. 

“I sell blueprints and prototypes to advanced hospitals working with the army. I just made a  _ huge _ sale for them to test this prototype of a in-field surgeon robot,”

“There’s no way,” Natasha said. 

“Aw fuck dude, it’s on the news,” Wade said, pulling up CNN. “See, ‘young Stark makes 19 million dollar sale to military for a robot that could save millions of lives’,” 

“How does that even work?” Natasha asked. 

“It’s like this big claw that uses clamps and heat to stop bleeding in-field. Mostly used for less complicated injuries, like a accidental amputation, but i’m working on making it ‘learn’ so the older robots can recognise anatomy well enough to help with something more severe, like a head or chest gash,” Tony said, taking a sip of coffee. 

“I-”

“There is no way in  _ fuck _ that you’re twelve,” 

_ “Wade,”  _

“Someone had to fucking say it ma’am!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tony is still Tony... 
> 
> also 'yorktown' by hamilton has been playing in my head sense they called pennsylvania.


	15. Big crowds and ball gags

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I know that the chapter title makes it sound dirty, it's not I swear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bruce does not do well in crowds.

_ “Yes get the ball get the ball- YES!” _

They were at the game, which was packed to the gills with almost the entire town. It was especially crowded today because it was the first game of the year. Games were also one of the only times everyone's  _ parents _ were in one place, causing much discomfort for everyone there. Luckily everyone who wasn’t on the field was able to get away and sit together near the bench.

“Yay go slugs…” Bruce said, clapping quietly. He was not a fan of crowds or his parent. Or loud noises. Or sports. 

“You look sad,” Loki commented, before taking a huge bite out of his cotton candy. Thor’s parents were too busy screaming a few rows over to notice that he’d slipped off. 

“I’m not sad,” Bruce said. Maybe he was anxious, but he wasn’t  _ sad _ persay. “Are you sad?”

“No! I have candy an’ I have…  _ all the candy!” _ Loki said enthusiastically. 

“Hey, you see your brother out there?” Sam asked, pointing Thor out to Loki. “Look at how fast he’s running!”

“Eh. I see faster,” Loki said. “I like… cheer,” He said, pointing to where Natasha’s squad was doing some pretty impressive cheers on the sidelines. They had won against the other team, and it seemed they where taking more then a little joy in it, practically rubbing it in the other teams faces with their fancy rutienes. 

“You want to go stand by them?” Sam asked. “We can go stand and watch,” 

“Yes!” Loki said, jumping up and down. Sam grabbed his hand, inching out of the row. 

“Bruce you look like you’re filled with joy,” Tony said with a grin, scooting over to where Sam had been sitting. Bruce just rolled his eyes, hugging his sweater a little bit closer. “How you doing?” 

“Fine,” Bruce said, crossing his arms tighter. “Why are you making that face?” 

“Because you look like hell,” Tony said. 

“Gee, thanks,” Bruce said. 

“I’m just being honest,” Tony said with a shrug. “Popcorn?” 

“...yeah sure,” Bruce said, taking a handful. 

“Sports not your thing?” Tony asked. Bruce just raised his eyebrows. “Okay stupid question, I get it,” 

“I’m just really confused about everything going on,” He said. 

“Here, I made a chart,” 

\---

“Did you see the ending? When Clint made the pass and then number 8 just  _ bodysmalled _ him, and then there was the kid who lost a  _ tooth-” _ Thor said.

“No wonder they make us wear mouth guards,” “I spent two years of braces to get these teeth, I’m not risking anything,” 

“Holy shit there was blood  _ everywhere,” _ Clint said. “I got some on my shirt,”

“I know, a girl on the team threw up all over Wade,” Natasha said. 

“Ooh,” 

“It’s fine, I was wearing the slug thing,” Wade said, taking a sip from his milkshake.

“No wonder that thing smells so bad,” Tony said, interrupted by his phone. “Oh- this is a client I have to go,” He said, standing up. “I’ll be right back, this guy talks quick,” He said as he ran out. 

“I’m still not over the fact that the infant has a job,” Sam said, talking over the others chatting about the game. 

“I’m pretty sure it’s illegal,” Bruce said.

“I mean he’s a minor, but I think as long as he isn’t being employed by anyone…” Natasha said, adjusting her ice pack. The girl that threw up happened to also be the girl who was supposed to catch Natasha. Luckily she was used to tumbling, but she still rolled an ankle. 

“Can you move your ankle at all Nat?” Clint asked, resting his chin on her shoulder to look at her ankle, which she had propped up on her knee. 

“Eh. I can if I focus,” she said. “I was able to finish the routine, so i’m sure it’s not broken,” 

“Maybe we should take you to the doctor…?” Bruce said. 

_ “No. _ all they do is make you wait and then send you home with a ice pack, which is what I already have,” Natasha said. “If it’s not better by practice I can make a appointment,”

“But you’d be walking around on it all day,” Clint said with a ‘sad puppy pout’. 

“I’ll be fine,” she said, talking over Thor, who was loudly recounting a particular play to Bruce, who was doing his level best to look interested. Thor didn’t  _ try _ to shout, it just sorta ended up happening. 

“No. Until you go to the doctor I am carrying you everywhere,” Clint said, crossing his arms. 

“No-” 

“Can’t do anything about it, I already promised myself I would do it. And I don’t break my word,” He said. 

“If you pick me up I’ll scream,” 

“You can’t scream if I break your jaw first,” He said. 

“Isn’t the point to put her in  _ less _ pain?” Bruce asked, interrupting Thor. 

“Sometimes you have to make sacrifices,”

\---

“I’ll see you guys Monday!” Bucky yelled on his way out the door with Steve. Bruce had been picked up earlier by his dad and Sam was trying to hide from his mom, who was sniffing around to make him go home. 

“Bye!” Thor called, waving and smacking Clint in the face, causing both of them to burst out laughing. 

“I don’t understand guy humor,” Natasha said, shaking her head. “I’m heading home, bye guys,” She said, grabbing her purse. “Bye  _ Sam!” _

“Ssshhh!” 

“Samual?” Sam's mom said. “Oh Natasha hun, you shouldn’t walk on that ankle,  _ Sam you know we have church in the morning,” _

“Uhh… I’m not Sam?” Sam said. 

“There is one other black kid in this town and unless you tricked us all at your circumcision, you arn’t Amanda,” She said. 

“I- alright,” Sam said, sliding out of the booth. “Did you really have to say that in front of my friends?”

“Did you really have to lie to my face in front of your friends?” She asked, putting a hand on her hip. 

“Alright alright, lets go,” Sam said, standing up. “You know I think we should be allowed to skip church tomorrow-” 

“Samual Thomis Wilson-”

“Bye guys, I’m on my way to get my ass beat,” Sam said, making him mom laugh. “I’m only half kidding,” 

“Well if you would stop digging this whole deeper to yourself you would be fine,” She said, pulling him by the elbow. “Take care of yourselves,” 

“Hey did tony ever come back in from that call?” Thor asked as he and Clint cleaned up the table. 

“I assume so. Maybe we missed him,” Clint said. 

“He’s just normally so assertive I assumed we would have know,” Thor said. “Eh. He probably drove himself back,” 

\---

“I understand why you would kidnap me, I’m great, but really? This car is so  _ gross, _ and I mean you clearly have experience, you would think that you would be able to splurge for something with seatbelts. Or something other then the bass floor,” Tony said, wiggling. “And zipties are the  _ worst _ to tie someone up with, I could break this in two seconds if I wanted to. What you really need is rope-” 

“Do you ever  _ fucking shut up?” _ one of the men, the one riding shotgun with a nasty eye infection, yelled at him, whipping around. “Caral, gag it, I have a headache from all of its blabbering,” 

_ “Blabbering? _ I’m trying to help you here. Not that you seem to care for the advice. I mean really, you try and help a guy out and this is what you get,” Tony said. “And I  _ know _ you are not about to put that nasty gag in my mouth. You couldn’t have sprung for a ball gag? They have them in the sex store like a mile away, it would be a hell of alot better for every party involved-  _ MMpf!” _

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oop-
> 
> Comment stuff you might want to see in a kidnapping scene. I already have a few festive ideas that will need TW (nothing sexual though, I'm not a monster)


	16. TW Torture

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When you finish the chapter instantly after posting the last one but you wait a few hours to post it: 0_0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Isn't that a promising title?

“You are a smart kid Tony,” The man said, pacing in front of him. His ‘face’ made Tony want to throw up. He was wearing a mask straight out of a horror movie, it looked like it was made out of cracked tan leather, or some kind of shell. He was hoping that meant that it meant they would be letting him go.“Smarter than people give you credit for, hm?” 

“No I get… lots of credit,” Tony painted, bracing before getting the anticipated slap with an old belt. He wasn’t supposed to be talking. 

“Oh sure you do, for what you chose to tell people about, but there’s plenty that you know that they don’t. Like your father's business secrets perhaps?” The man asked. 

“Oh if that’s what you want I can give that to you, but it’s gonna be a give and take,” Tony bluffed with a smile. He did know things about codes and stuff, but he didn’t have anything that could help them. They already knew that it would be hard to get anything out of him, he’d been trained to handle this, he was hoping that offering something up would get this over with faster.

“How about this, you  _ give _ me the information, and I don’t  _ take _ your life, hm?” He asked, towering over him. He was rotating his arms as he put his hands against the metal stalt he was placed on. A control meathed that Tony had been trained to recognise. If he wasn’t tied up he would invade the guys space, counteracting the move. As it, he decided that the best course of action was to show that he wasn’t intimidated. 

When Tony turned his head up, refusing to acknowledge the man's presence anymore. He was smacked across the mouth and he could taste as if filled with blood. 

“Aw come on, I thought we where friends,” Tony said with a bloody smile, spitting the blood on the shoes of the gard standing next to the table.

“Ay, talking is a privilege, not a right,” The guard said.

“Freedome of speech mother fucker-” Tony started, cut off as his hand shot out, chocking out the rest of the sentence.

“Let’s take him to the pool,”

\---

“Is he  _ still _ not back?” Bucky asked, walking in on wednesday. They all shook their heads somewhat glumbly. It wasn’t entirely unheard of for Tony to be gone for longer stretches of time, but that was usually because his dad needed to parade him around in New York. Even if he hadn’t told them he’d have posted about it online, or there would be some pictures from his fathers never ending cocktail parties.

“And he’s not answering his phone,” Natasha said. “I tried tracking it, but he’s got firewalls on that thing that even  _ I _ can’t break,” She said, flopping defeatedly on the floor. 

“I really think we should call the police…” Sam said. “I mean, he’s  _ 12 _ he shouldn’t be alone, no matter how freaky smart he is,” 

“But he’s  _ Tony, _ he’s self sufficient,” Steve said. 

“What if someone took him or something?” Clint asked. “It happens to kids with symptoms all the time. They get lost somewhere between homes and you see their body on the news a few weeks later. Or they just never turn up,” 

“Tony’s smart, he wouldn't just climb in some guy's car,” Bucky said. 

“He’s also short,” Thor added. “I mean on the hockey team they make us throw sand bags that weigh like twice his weight. He’s like what, 70 lbs?” 

“He was just showing us self defence the other day though,” Steve said again. 

“Knowing the moves against a dummy or a willing opponent who doesn't want to hurt you is a hell of a lot different then being surprised from behind by a creep four times your size,” Natasha said. 

“Yeah a lot of the stuff online is bullshit,” Wade added, stepping out of Bruce’s locker and startling all of them. “If you can’t reach their eyes or their groin you’re toast,” 

“How would you know?” Steve asked. 

“Not a lot to do in this town other than drugs,” Wade said. “Buy em’ or sell em’ shit will go down. I don’t usually fight, but I’ve seen some nasty stuff,” 

“Is that why you have a black eye?” Thor asked, grabbing Loki, who was trying to run into the library. 

“I’ll take him,” Clint said, snatching Loki and bringing him to the tiny kids section they had, pretty much only because of Thor. 

“No my dad just beats me,” Wade said without a second thought, sitting down next to them.

“Uh-” 

“Listen, I don’t trust policemen as far as I can throw them, which is about three feet last time I tried, but if you don’t get those assholes involved and some shit went down, and you knew, they could arrest you,” Wade said, pausing. “Actually probably just Sam,” 

“Why just me?” Sam asked. 

“Come on man, do you really think it’s a coincidence that they ‘randomly’ search your locker for drugs while I can do a line in the back of the class?” Wade asked. “They’d be on you for any charge they could get passed in court. I’d tell em’ and then do it on my own,” Wade said, just barely cut off by the bell. “Oop, time for me to skip. See yah,” 

“...he’s right,” Bruce said, looking down. “We need to call someone,” 

“I don’t think we should call the police yet,” Steve said. 

“I’m calling my mom,” Sam said. 

\---

Sam's mom wasted no time to speed down to the school and check them out for the day, telling the receptionist that they ‘all had doctors appointments at the same time’. They all piled in her car somewhat nervously as Sam’s mom swung into a random park a few miles from school, much closer than their house. 

“Mom what are we-” 

“I want all of you to go over and sit at the picnic table and wait for me to get out. Do not go anywhere, do not talk to anyone outside of your group, even on your phones,” She said finally, pressing the button to open the door to her car. 

They all scampered out, literally able to feel the tension on the car and waited at the table she had pointed out for almost fifteen minutes while she sat on the phone in the car. After she hung up she walked over to them, standing at the head of the table. 

“You knew, for  _ five days _ that a 12 year old child was missing, and  _ none of you _ thought to say anything?” She asked. They looked away, focusing on their different points in the table or grass, some on the playground.  _ “Five days. _ Do you know what can happen in five days? What can disappear over five days? How infected a wound could get, how far away someone could get, in  _ five days,” _

“It was more like four days and six hours,” Clint muttered, before getting jammed hard in the ribs by Natasha. 

“As soon as he didn’t come into the restaurant, you should have called and reported a child missing,” She said. “He is  _ twelve years old _ and he needs to be supervised. I don’t care if he acts like he’s a adult, or if he tells you that he’s alone all the time. When you are with him, you are responsible for his wellbeing do you  _ understand me? _ His brain is not yet developed enough to discern what is and isn’t danger. He needs people to help keep him safe so things  _ like this _ don’t happen,” 

“Do you-” Clint paused, clearing his throat. “Have you heard anything?” 

“Police are being dispatched to the last place you saw him,” She said, running a hand through her hair. “I’m not angry with any of you, I hope you know that, but I need you to understand that even though Tony can keep up with you physically and mentally, he is still a child that needs someone to watch him, because otherwise things like this will happen, do you understand?” She asked. 

They all nodded, a few of them rubbing their faces with their hands, possibly wiping away tears, although there was really no way to tell. “Is there anything we can do?” Thor asked finally. 

“The police might want to talk to you, other than that?” She said. “Pray,”

\---

“Let him up,” The man growled, giving the order for Tony to be lifted out of the water, gasping and retching as he was held by the wrists. “Anything to say?” 

“3/10, would not recommend,” Tony said, still grinning even as he shook, almost convulsing from the cold and shock to his body. “Three points for the window-” 

“Again,” The man said, clapping his hands. 

This was exactly the 87th time Tony would be dunked underwater. On the floor there was a combination of water and blood running to the table that held much more intimidating devices. Waterboarding seemed to be favored by most all of Tony’s kidnappers for some reason, maybe because it was the hardest to prove. It was fine by him, less time he would have to spend revision scar tissue damage. It wasn’t by chance that nothing had scared him physically. 

Although Tony could admit that there was a lot of benefits to the waterboarding technique, he wasn’t exactly a fan. There was something almost more disturbing to feel the desperation of your body trying to claw itself to the surface, then the physical feeling of discomfort. Not that that wasn’t also bothering him.

“I’m going to give you one more chance to tell me what I want to know,” The man growled as Tony was let up again, this time thrown on the ground as he retched up more pool water. They had used one of those above ground pools in some kind of concrete basement or something. 

Tony panted, curling in on himself and turning his face to the floor. “Kiss… my ass…” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need the comments on this chapter I just know they will be fun. 
> 
> Guys we're got a hella lot of fun things coming up with Tony here. let me know if you want anything specifically ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)


	17. I love pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When it happens to other people that is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy (if you can)

“Why are you so freaked?” Natasha whispered to Bruce as they waited. The police were questioning them one by one. “You didn’t kill him did you?” 

“What? No!” Bruce said, jumping slightly and making the guy at the desk look up. He lowered his voice. “I just don’t like talking to people about… things…” 

“Eh heh,” She said. “You look like you’re gonna puke,” 

“I’m not gonna puke,” He said. “I’m just worried about Tony, and I really don’t like talking to people,” 

“If you know you didn’t do anything wrong what’s there for you to worry about?” She said. 

“Uh I’m always worried,” Bruce said.

“Oh you are so pathetic,” She said with an eye roll. “Want some candy?” 

“No,” He said. She opened her mouth to say something when the police came back out, bringing Clint with them, who looked somewhat smug. 

“Next please,” They said in a monotone voice. They had lined them up in the order they would talk to them, meaning that Wade stood up next. “Not you again,” 

“Hiya buddy,” Wade said with a grin. “Don’t worry I didn’t commit any crimes related to this,” 

“Some day I am putting your punk ass away for life,” The police officer said.

“Well then I just get to see you lovies more,” Wade said with a grin. Clearly the police intriguing him wasn’t something she particularly feared. 

“Get in there,” The officer said, grabbing him by the collar of his leather jacket. 

“Spicy-” he was cut off with the slamming of the interrogation door. “Dude what the fuck, why the fuck would I do something to Tony?” 

“We didn’t say you did,” The lady said. He raised his eyebrow, looking between the ‘tough guy mean cop’ and the ‘sweet lady detective’. 

“Aw hell no, no way in fuck are you doing the whole ‘good cop bad cop’ shit on me,” Wade said, rolling his eyes. “Mark here is a sweet ol’ family man trying to pull the bank for his kids, and Lillian here is a stripper in her free time, you don’t think I’m buying this do you?”

He grinned, seeing he’d caught them off guard. The urge to fuck with them was strong, but instead, he leaned forward, crossing his hands. 

“Behave yourself Wade,” Mark said. 

“Look, I didn’t do shit here, I want this kid back, so yell at me, push me around, harass my friends out there, you are wasting time, and while you do it, Tony’s out there still missing, so I’ll give you the shit you need if you will focus on finding him and not harassing us,”

“You need to be straight with us buddy,” Mark said, turning his chair around to sit on it. 

“Unfortunately I am a raging pansexual,” Wade said. “Look, I want Tony back, but I don’t know shit,”

“You seem angry Wade,” Lillian said.

“Yeah, I’m kinda fucking pissed that half the police force is working on interrogating people who you and I  _ both fucking know _ didn’t have shit to do with this. What are you going to do, call in a few more high schoolers, make me hate themselves. I mean look out there man, do you really think yelling at  _ Bruce Banner _ or  _ Steve Rogers _ is going to do shit for you?” He asked. "I mean come on, _Bruce,"_

“We’re the ones that will decide what does or doesn't work, buddy,” Mark said. 

“Fine,” Wade said. “But if that’s how the police here work then I’m hiroring a privet fucking detective and we’re going to find the kid before you guys fuck up and-”

Wade’s monolog was interrupted by an intercom, demanding that all units gather in the back room to listen in on a call. Not feeling like following any more rules, Wade followed them. 

“Hi,” The voice said, clearly disguised. “We need to know how to resuscitate a child,” 

“Sir where are you, we’re sending an ambulance,” The lady with the headset on said. 

“No. We will not surrender, but we need to know how to resuscitate a child that has drowned,” the man -wade thought it was a man, it could have just as easily been a smoker- said. 

“Sir what’s the childs name?” The lady asked. 

“Tony Edward Stark,” 

\---

“You’re going to  _ fucking kill me _ you basterds!” Tony yelled, spitting out a mouthful of water. “You… you need to switch… something else,” 

“What’s it trying to say?” The man asked. Now that Tony could see a little more clearly, he saw that he was a white man, probably about fifty, with a weird island of hair in the front of a bald spot. His watery blue eyes were set back in his head and his dark eyebrows had been shaved off, although they were now growing back. 

“I- my body… lungs will give… out…” Tony said. “Biology. Muscle exhaustion… like dry drowning…” 

“I’m sick of it, dunk him again,”

“No- you need- call the doctor… my lungs can’t-” Tony, for the first time in his life, realised he should shut up. Instead of trying to tell them what would happen, he focused on gasping for as much air as he could before they forced him under again. 

He was right. He knew somewhere in his mind that it would happen at some point, and he knew that his body was too tired to keep fighting, but there was something different about feeling his body let go then to think that it would happen. The water gushed tight into his mouth and nose right away, and he was too tired to even convulce, even though he felt like throwing up. He’d long since gave up on keeping the water out of his eyes, so he got to see the exact moment his vision began to go. It was like a book, except so much more vivid and awful and painful. It wasn’t until then that he realised. 

He was going to die. 

\---

“Okay sir, you said he coughed up the water, is he breathing yet?” The lady asked. 

“No it’s- it’s blue now,” the man said. 

“The child is turning blue?” She asked. 

“Yes,” 

“Okay he’s not getting air, I want you to pound on his back, okay?”

“Okay,” There was a sickening noise of someone pounding on what must have been Tony’s back and Wade briefly excused himself to vomit in someone's trash can. Half because the noise was making him sick, half because he wanted them to have to deal with him puking in their trash can. 

“Is he breathing?” She asked. There was silence for a few minutes, before a second voice, still distorted, came across the line.

“They can track phone calls you know. I knew you guys were bad at this. How- ugh, how stupid- dude you called the  _ police _ you know they can track you in like three minutes right? I mean if they- ow, if they know how. Those guys are useless, I’ve been paying them off to be allowed to speed in the area. I bet you guys are paying him off, you seem like the kind who would-” 

“Do not contact us again,” 

\---

“-it wouldn’t surprise me if they could track you, but those guys are so stupid over there, I really wouldn’t be suprised if they can’t. Still, that was stupid,” Tony said with a gasp. “Really you should have gotten a book,” 

“Shut your fucking mouth,” The man said. “Or we won’t bring you back next time,” 

“Well that doesn't really matter,” Tony said, propping his foot up on his knee. “Because i can help you,” 

“We don’t fucking want your help anymore,” The guy said. 

“Then what do you want from me?” Tony asked. It wasn’t a request to help them, but if he knew what they wanted he could act accordingly. Like he said, no matter what they think, this was a give and take. Until then he would have to stick to emotionally wearing them down with his monologues. “Is it money? Because my parents don’t really care that much if I die or not. I mean they might pay, but you need to make it a much bigger thing, and by then you are at a much higher risk for the police because it’s clear that you don’t really know what you are doing-” 

“We want you to build something,” The man said, grabbing him by the collar of his -now ripped- band shirt and dragging him into a new room. 

“I like the decor,” Tony said sarcastically as they strapped him into a chair. The room was blank aside from the concrete and the lab. “I think that it’s nice the way that the water stains contrast with the- Mmpf-” He was cut off by a dirty gag being strapped over his mouth. 

“Now listen, you are going to build us a model of daddy’s toys, and you might get a chance to walk out of here,” He said. “Here’s what we’ve got. Good luck,” 

Tony already knew he was doomed. None of the materials they had in there sufficed for anything more than a room based explosive. Definitely nothing to the grade that his father walked on. Something like that would take years of experience to understand even just the simple baseline materials for. At least for the average person. If someone of normal intelligence had studied all of Tony’s life they still wouldn’t be able to set up a lab that he could work in. But there was enough there to make it look convincing. 

“And we want it quick!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wade is the best and shit is about to get read ;)


	18. ig Loki is still a kid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hope you don't mind tantrums

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ay aaaay

“We have you surrounded,” The police yelled through a megaphone. They didn’t, not even by the largest stretch of the imagination. What they had where a few cop cars that where empty but strategically placed, and the entire police force that had a whole of maybe seven people standing out with there hand guns. “Come out with your hands up,” 

That was fine by Tony, he just needed them near the front. He could hear screaming and crying from outside. He didn’t know who would be crying for him, maybe worried, but not crying. Unless all hell broke loss and they had called his parent out, in which case he would rather they just killed him. 

He heard the wails escilat and he was now very sure they had brought his mother out, and he couldn’t help but roll his eyes at the hysterics of it all. He might not have cared as much if she had ever bothered to kiss him goodnight in her life, but she had a unfortenit pattern of attention seeking when  _ other people _ were in danger. It didn’t really matter though, because as soon as the cameras where gone she’d be back to her phone, and Tony could get back to pretending he was a independent adult. 

It would just be a little longer now. 

\---

“Wha’ going on?” Loki asked for the hundredth time, pulling on Thor’s jean. “Wha happen now?” 

“I don’t know Loki,” Thor replied again. 

“Why police?” Loki asked. 

“I don’t know,” 

“Why though?” Loki asked. Thor, deciding the best way to keep him quiet was to stop engaging, sat on the ground and turned his face to the old warehouse.  _ “Why why why why why why why!” _

_ “Loki,” _ Thor said firmly, stopping him immediately, although now he looked close to tears. “I’ll tell you later, you need to be quiet right now,” 

_ “No!” _ Loki yelled, throwing a rock he’d found on the ground at Thor. Luckily he wasn’t the best aim. Unluckily it hit the cop behind him. 

_ “Loki!” _ Thor said, surprised. Loki could be annoying, but most of the time he didn’t show his age and was actually really rational. “We  _ never _ throw rocks, understand?” 

_ “NO!” _ Loki yelled, throwing another one, this time it just hit the dirt. Thor picked him up before he could hit anyone else, or damage something. Ignoring his consistent pounding, he threw him over his shoulder, heading to the back of the parking lot where everyone was camped out. 

“Can I do anything to help?” Sams mom asked, seeing Loki’s angry face. Thor was looking pretty flustered to. 

“Just- can you text me if anything happens?” Thor asked. 

“Of course hun,” She said. “I’m going to go talk to his mom, poor women,” She said. “If I hear anything you’ll be first to know,” 

“Thank you,” Thor said, jogging away before Loki could cause any more of a scene. He kept going across the abandoned street, where they ended up in a overgrown field. He didn’t want anyone to hear if Loki threw a fit. Part of why he could go to school with him at all was his reputation around town for being so controlled. 

“Loki what’s gotten into you?” Thor asked, setting him down. “Of all the times  _ now _ is when I need you to be good,” 

_ “No!” _ Loki said, stomping his foot. “You’re mean!” 

“Loki…” Thor said, pinching the bridge of his nose. 

“Meanie!” Loki said, throwing a stick at him. 

_ “Hey! _ We do  _ not _ throw things when we’re angry, do you understand?” Thor asked, kneeling down. “You can scream at me, or call me names, but if you throw things you hurt people, like that cop,” 

“I throw!” Loki said, hurling a handful of dirt at Thor. 

“You wanna throw stuff like Dad?” Thor asked. Loki paused, turning his red face up to him. “Dad throws when he’s angry,”

“You do to,” Loki said, crossing his arms. 

“What-When have I thrown anything?” Thor asked, genuinely confused. 

“Da ball,” Loki said. 

“Oh- Loki that’s a game, that’s okay. No one’s really angry it’s all pretend,” thor said. “Wanna know what I do when I’m really mad?” 

“Wha?” loki asked, still not exactly leaping for joy for Thor, although he’d calmed down some. 

“I break up all the big wood outside. That we use for the fire,” Thor said. “How about we do that when we get home, okay? We can break all the wood together,” 

“You do with me?” Loki asked, sniffing. 

“Of course I’ll do it with you!” Thor said. “But right now, it’s kinda scary for everyone, so we need to be polite, okay?”

“Okay,” Loki said, looking down. 

“Now can you tell me what made you so upset?” Thor asked. 

“They not let me in,” Loki said, pointing to the police. 

“Where are they not letting you?”

“Wif Tony,” Loki said, crossing his arms. 

“Oh- Loke’s none of us can see Tony, that’s what’s so scary,” Thor said. “How about I pick you up, and we go wait to see Tony, is that okay?” 

“Mhm,” Loki said. He wasn’t happy by any stretch if the imagination, but he seemed somewhat compliant. 

“Okay let’s go,” Thor said, checking his phone. No texts. 

“Can we stand by da building?” Loki asked. “Close?”

“No-” Thor paused, sighing as Loki started to screw up his face. “Okay we can stand a little closer,” 

“Yay!” Loki said, throwing his hands up, his tearful outburst almost forgotten.

“But if I let you go you need to be quiet, right?” Thor said. Loki nodded eagerly as they crossed the street. 

\---

“We’re going in,” The police man said. “We need you to move away,” 

“Wait- what about the negotiation?” Natasha asked. “If you go in now they’ll just kill him,” 

“Miss I understand your concern, but we understand what we are doing,” The policeman said.

“No- he’s going to die, don’t you know the first thing about interrogations?” She asked. 

“And what would you know about them?” The officer asked. Natasha almost wanted to laugh at how ridiculous they where. 

“My mom works as a terrorist negotiator for russian and american tensions,” she said, crossing her arms. “I’ve attended approximately thirty negotiations, and not all of them go well. What have you done?” 

“A active imagination you have there, huh?” He asked. 

“You know what- мама, иди сюда,” Natasha yelled over her shoulder. A few moments later Natasha’s mom walked over, a eyebrow raised. 

“Yes Natasha?” She asked in a thick accent. 

“Они собираются убить Тони! Объясните им, или он умрет! Они не знают враждебной ситуации,” Natasha said quickly, scrubbing her face. “пожалуйста мама” 

"What are you saying?" The officer asked.

“тише я понял,” Her mom responded, smoothing down her graying hair. Switching back to english, she took the radio from the officers chest. “Hello we will be needing more backup. We are on road 223, near the highway. The address is 22029, Pine avn, NW. This is life or death and children are at risk. Bring bullet vest,” 

“What are you doing?” The man yelled, pushing her back. “You do  _ not _ touch a officers vest,” 

“Sir you have been on the job for nine months, they promoted you for a crisis situation and the moment our backs are turned you will be back to checking highways, handing out tickets, and fishing toys out of ponds. I have over 15 years of negotiation work under my belt, so if I where you I would step aside and let the adults make the calls,” she said, grabbing Natasha by the shoulder. The man scrambled away, his head down. 

“Thank you мама,” Natasha said, hugging her mom. 

“Stupid полицейские свиньи,” Her mom said, smoothing her hair with a kiss. “It will be alright,” 

\---

“Tell them that they need to clear a perimeter,” Tony said, pulling down his gag. For some reason it hadn’t computed for them that him having free hands meant he also had a free mouth. 

“What?” The guard asked. 

“The perimeter. Tell them to make everyone back away,” Tony said. 

“Why the fuck would we do that?” He asked. 

“I think there’s a gas pipe about to blow,” Tony said. The guard walked over, grabbing his face and staring at him for awhile. “Are we gonna kiss or-” 

“Stay put,” He said, walking out with a huff. Tony counted to twenty, before leaning forward across the table, and grabbing the rickety remote he’d made. It wasn’t great, and if he pressed it wrong it would shock him, but it would work. 

“I really hope they listened,” Tony said, putting in his ear plugs, before pressing the detonator. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> translations: мама, иди сюда- Mom come here  
> “Они собираются убить Тони! Объясните им, или он умрет! Они не знают враждебной ситуации,-They will end up killing Tony! He's going to die because they don't know how to handle hostile situation  
> тише я понял- hush I got it
> 
> Hehe, I have a problem. I finished this chapter yesterday but I waited to post. Also I might have to go to the er again for my side.


	19. Fun times ;)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We're all just having a ball in this fic aren't we?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy my dears ;)

It was the shockwave that really scared them. The explosion should have been loud, according to all the movies they had seen, but it was quiet. And it was the air, not fire or rubble that knocked them down. Clint, Thor and Loki where closest, and the older two moved quickly, Thor grabbed Loki to shield him and Clint tackled down two of the officers, that hadn’t even bothered to turn their faces away. 

Clint was the first one up, unbothered by the noise, and only slightly tippy from having been knocked down. First he ran over to Loki and Thor, yelling  _ something _ at them. Finally he just picked up Loki, who must be screaming, although no one could hear it yet, and checked him over, which is when Thor realised he was checking if he’d been hurt. 

There was a small scrape on his cheekbone, and a tiny trickle of blood ran down his face, mixed with tears, but his limbs were fine, and his lungs seemed in perfect working order. Finally the deafening ringing begane to subside in Thors ears and he could hear all the car alarms, mixed with Loki’s screams. 

“-looks okay but check his head,” Clint finished, handing Loki back to him. “Are you okay?” 

“I’m fine!” Thor yelled. “How can you talk?” 

“I’ll explain later,” Clint said at a normal volume, handing Loki back to him, who now Thor could hear screaming much better. 

“Shh, shh, you’re okay,” Thor said, grabbing him and sitting up. They where luckily far enough back that there wasn’t any rubble embedded in any of them, it looked like the biggest victim there was where the guys just on the other side of the wall.

There wasn’t much left of them other than bloody charred piled. Thor clamped a hand over his nose, scooting away from the smell of burning flesh. Loki sobbed instead of screaming now, turning his face into Thor. At least he wasn’t trying to run away anymore. Thor scrambled over to the police, who were clearing people away, pulling his shirt over his nose to stop the smell. 

“Are you two okay?” Sam's mom yelled at them, running up. Thor gave a haisty nod and she gave him a pat before running off. 

“Loki can you hear me?” Thor asked, talking at a normal voice now, as best as he could. Loki clamped his mouth shut, nodding. “It’s okay to cry, you can cry, it’s scary I know. Look we’re safe now, okay? Okay you’re okay, right?” Thor asked. “You want to clean up your face a little bit buddy?” 

Loki shook his head, grabbing Thor's pointer finger and holding it to his chest, which almost made Thor melt. “Okay buddy, is it okay if the two of us go look for Bruce? Is that okay?” Thor asked. “If you want to stay put we can do that,” Loki didn’t respond, just shaking his head. “You don’t want to stay still?” now a nod. “Okay we’re going to go look for Bruce. 

\---

Tony was in worse shape then they had expected. Not only was he tied up, facing a metal table when the explosion happened, but his body had been exhausted beyond belief. His head had slammed hard into the metal table and, although it didn’t break his nose, blood was quickly blocking his airway. He was already halfway to the ambulance on a backboard when they realised his breathing had stopped.

“What’s going on?” Bucky asked, noticing their panic. “Is that Tony? Did you get him?”

“Sir please step back-” 

“Holy shit is he okay? Why- are you doing chest compressions? Is he alive?” A distant wail was heard in the background, presumably from his mother. 

“I’m riding with you fuckers,” Wade said, jumping in. The EMT’s didn’t seem to care, and even took his help as they loaded him in. “Tony if you fucking die I’m killing you mother fucker-” 

His words where cut out as the doors to the ambulance slammed shut and the ambulance squealed away. In the background the firemen and police ran around the building yelling at people, which is when Thor finally saw Bruce. 

_ “-need to tell me everything or you are just as bad as-” _ Clips of the police officer’s yellings came into hearing range as Thor ran closer. 

“Bruce?” Thor asked, making Bruce turn around. He seemed relatively unscathed, but his face was dirty, and he looked terrified. “Why is this guy yelling at you?” 

“I- uh-” 

“We believe that he might have information about this case and is refusing to disclose it,” the officer said. Thor grabbed Bruce’s hand, walking away. 

“Weirdo,” Thor muttered as the cop stared at them open mouthed. “Cops suck huh Loki?” Loki nodded into his shirt. 

“Thanks,” Bruce muttered, whipping at some of the dirt of his face with a grimace. “Is Loki okay? Is that blood-” 

“No no no, he’s fine,” Thor said. “He got a scratch but he’s okay. He’s not talking though,”

“Oh,” Bruce said, pulling his sweater over his hands, which were scraped up. “That’s good,”

“Are your hands okay?” Thor asked. Bruce nodded quickly, pulling the sleeve down further to hide his hands. “Are you sure?” 

“Yeah yeah yeah, I’m good,” Bruce said, shaking his head, making his hair flop into his eyes. 

“We should go make sure everyone’s okay,” Thor said, nodding his head. Bruce nodded, following him. “They took Tony to the hospital,”

“I saw,” Bruce said, looking down the road they’d taken. “He’ll be fine though, his parents are already there waiting for him. Howard is pretty impressive when it comes to this stuff,” He said as they stepped over debris.

“That's good,” Thor said. “Sam! Hey are you okay?” He yelled, waving at him. Sam shot them a thumbs up, jogging over. 

“You guys okay?” Sam asked. They nodded, including Loki. “That’s good. I checked with everyone, I think the only one aside from Tony who’s hurt is Steve but it’s Steve so…” 

“Anything bad?” Thor asked. 

“No but he dislocated like eight things,” He said, gesturing to Steve who was popping his joints back in place, much to the horror of the EMT and the amusement of Bucky. It wasn’t an uncommon occurrence for them, although they had never seen him dislocate both hips at the same time before. “Natasha is with her mom who’s yelling at everyone, and Clint- I don’t know where Clint is,” 

Loki smacked Thor’s shoulder, pointing to the building where Clint was sitting on an upturned car. “Good catch Loki,”

They made there way over to the car, waving at Clint, who hopped down, wiping the soot off of his pants. “Hey guys,” 

“Hey,” Thor said. “Are your ears okay? You where the closest but it didn’t seem to bother you,” 

“Oh,” Clint said, laughing awkwardly. “I’ll explain that in a minute,” 

“What…” 

“We should get away from the smoke,” Clint said, pushing them. As much as Thor was dying to find out what he was being so secretive about, the smell of burning human flesh wasn’t his favorite, so he followed them.

“Which hospital did they take Tony to?” Clint asked. 

“Geniral,” Sam said. “They were going to drive the hour to the nice one before his heart stopped. Now they are going to transfer when he’s stable,” 

“I have a license, if everyones okay I can drive,” Thor said. 

“My mom can take us, she’s got a bunch of seats,” Sam said. They all nodded. “Once she’s done yelling at the police we can go,” 

\---

“Are there any cameras here?” Miria, Tony’s mom, said, patting powder on her face. 

“Not yet,” His dad Howard said. “We have a hour or so,” 

“Alright,” She said, crossing her leg. “Any word?” 

“I don’t know, ask them,” He asked, nodding to the nurses station. 

“Hey, can we get a timeline here?” She called across the waiting room, turning a few heads. “We’ve got stuff to do,” 

“Ma’am your son had sever trama to his heart and lungs, and is incredibly weak. They are working as fast as they can, but the surgery has a lot of risks, so they need to work slowly and carefully,” The nurse said, clearly surprised. 

“Ma’am that’s just not going to work for us, can you bring in someone higher up that I can talk to?” Miria said. “A surgeon or something,” 

“Well no he’s- we only have one cardioligical surgeon and he’s working with your son in tangent with another pediatric specialist-” 

“I’m sorry I can sue you and your tiny little hospital into the ground with two texts, get us someone to talk to sweetheart, or you won’t have a job to come back to tomorrow,” Howard said.

“I’ll be right back,” The nurse said.

“Thanks hon,” Howard said, crossing his leg as he pulled out a tablet. “There you go Maria,” 

“Mhm,” she said, sitting back. “I wish they would hurry up I have a meeting to get to,” 

“What could you possible have to do that’s so important?” Howard asked. 

“I don’t want to have this fight again,” 

\---

Sams mom drove at a frightening speed to the hospital, knowing that all the police would be busy at the scene. It was to a point where it almost mirrored Tony’s driving all the time, although this was without the lane stitching or random intentional off roading. Aside from a few directions muttered from Bruce to the hospital they all had been silent. 

“Mom do you think Tony’s okay?” Sam asked. 

“I don’t know dear,” She said. “He wasn’t when they took him, let's just hope he’s doing better, okay? We’ll know more at the hospital,”

They stayed quiet as she pulled smoothly into the parking spot and got out. She grabbed Loki, who was crying but still held his mouth in a firm line, not speaking. “Thor I’ll keep an eye on him, alright hun. I want all of you to stick close to me until I tell you otherwise,”

“Okay,” Thor said quietly, grabbing Bruce's hand as they all raced to catch up with her. The elevator ride was quiet, aside from Steve wheezing slightly from the running. Surely the smoke didn’t help his lungs either, but Bucky rubbed his back and handed him his inhaler just in case. He hadn’t had a really bad asthma attack since the beginning of the year, but they didn’t exactly want to break the streak. 

“Mom,” Sam said, poking her arm as the door opened. “Why is that guy covered in blood?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that was fun :)


	20. Go sit with the Wade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mwahahaha

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy ;)

_ “Why would you pull a surgeon out while Tony’s in surgery?” _ Steve yelled. 

_ “Steve,” _ Bucky said, elbowing him. Not that he didn’t agree, but Steve was going to get them in trouble. 

“We wanted information, it’s their legal obligation to tell me what is happening with my property,” 

“He’s your child you sick fuck, not a peice of fucking proproty,” Wade said from where he was sprawled across the seats. 

“Both of you hush,” Sam's mom said, swatting at Steve. “Go sit by Wade, all of you,” 

Steve opened his mouth, but Bucky wrapped his arm around his head in almost a headlock and covered his mouth. She re-adjusted Loki, who looked pathetic as he clung to her sweatshirt, and they shuffled over to the corner. 

“Any news?” Clint asked in a whisper. 

“Yeah his parents are fucking phycopaths,” Wade said. “His mom was bawling like a baby until they got in here, and she instantly started fixing her fucking face. The only reason that damn surgen is out here at all is because they wanted to prove that they fucking could the  _ assholes,” _ Wade said loudly. 

_ “Hush,” _ Sam’s mom yelled, making all of them flinch. She went back to her whispered argument with Tony’s parents as they settled in. 

“His heart stopped twice in the ambulance,” Wade said. “I’m surprised we made it, I thought he was fucking dead. He’s in really bad shape, his face is all bloodied up and it looked like his arm or shoulder or something was broken. It was all floppy and shit,” 

“Yikes,” Steve whispered. Clint waved Nat over as she walked in with her mom. 

“So Clint are you ever going to explain what happened with the explosion or…?” Thor asked. “Because I am just very confused,” 

“Yeah Clint,” Natasha said with a knowing smirk, leaning against him. “What happened?” 

“Oh, yeah,” Clint said with a laugh. “I keep forgetting to tell you, uh- here,” he reached up to his ears and pulled out what looked like two wireless earbuds. “I’m technically deaf so… the explosion was fine. I’d actually just turned them off because they were ringing,” 

“Well did you wear them in the shower again?” Natasha asked. 

“...yeah,” Clint said, putting them back in. “They’re still ringing but it’s not as bad. Just like normal feedback,” 

“Wait, you're  _ deaf?” _ Sam asked. “I thought deaf people couldn’t talk,” 

“Well I’m not 100% deaf,” Clint said. “It’s like 80% in my left ear and a little less in my right. I was in a car accident when I was eight and I lost my hearing because it burst my eardrums and then it got infected, it was a whole shit show. But I already knew how to talk and so with hearing aids I’m good,” 

“Is it just like hearing before the accident?” Steve asked. 

“No, it’s like- a lot of things don’t get picked up, because they mostly work like tiny amplifiers,” Clint said. “So I can hear talking but I might not hear like… if you drop a pencil,” 

“So you literally could never hear a pin drop?” Wade said, before getting elbowed by bucky. “What it’s a serious question,” 

“No,” Clint said laughing. “If I were 100% deaf or I had the implant thing then it would be different, but as is it’s just like I’m really really hard of hearing, so I use these to be closer to normal,”

“Do you know ASL?” Wade asked. “I know all the swear words and sex words,” 

“He doesn't know it as well as he should, given how often he damages his hearing aids,” Natasha said. 

“I’m basically fluent,” 

“See it’s the difference between basically and actually,” Natasha said. “I’m completely fluent in ASL, but not any other languages,” 

“I thought you spoke russion,” Bruce said. 

“Sign languages,” She amended. 

“Wait you knew?” Thor asked. 

“I know everything,” 

\---

“Steve stop that,” Sam's mom said, snapping at Steve, who was throwing pieces of balled up tissue at the back of Howard and Maria’s heads. 

“No,” He said, tossing another ball. 

“I’m sorry?” she asked. 

“I’m gonna throw tissues at them if I wanna,” Steve said. She reached over, grabbing the box away from him with a light slap on the hand, before he handed over the one he was holding. 

“Thank you,” She said. It was in the particular way that mothers do where she was really thanking him for not making it worse for herself. “If you guys can’t behave you’re going to have to sit outside,” 

“We’re not three!” Wade whined. 

“No the three year old is much better behaved then you are, right Loki?” She asked. Loki nodded, holding a fistfull of her shirt. 

“I’m going to go check for an update,” Natasha said. “Clint wanna come?” 

“Yeah sure,” He said. He wisely kept his mouth shut until they made it into the hallway, before turning to her. “Is something going on? You seem antsy,” 

“I talked to my mom about the explosion. They have special forces on the way but… it looked intentional,” 

“Okay so the weirdo’s tried to blow Tony up, shouldn’t be a surprise,” Clint said. 

“No,” she said. 

“No?” 

“There were five men involved in the kidnapping, and there were five devices detonated. None of the evidence was damaged and the fire didn’t get close to where Tony was held. All five of them were killed within half a hour due to injuries from the explosion,”

“Okay…” Clint said, grabbing her hand. “That doesn't add up…” 

“It gets weirder. The explosions were advanced. You would need years of experience to work with this stuff, and these guys are opportunistics, they aren't the type to study every kind of explosion. Why would they intentionally blow themselves up and not Tony?” 

“Are you saying you think someone else is involved?” Clint asked, drawing his eyebrows together. 

“No,” She said, rubbing her face with her free hand. “I think Tony built it,”

“Wha- Nat he’s a kid,” Clint said. 

“But he’s a weirdo genius child of one of the greatest weapons dealers in the world,” She said. “It’s the only thing that makes sense. And honestly it’s the only thing that would really make sense here,” 

“How would he even be able to build one?” Clint asked. 

“They had him strapped into a lab, they wanted him to build something of his fathers,” Natasha said. “Come kind of mass weapons. They think that he was worried the negotiation wasn’t going well and he took matters into his own hands,” She said. 

“Holy shit,” Clint said, rubbing his forehead. 

“Yeah,” She said. 

“This kids fucking insane,” Clint said, laughing slightly. 

“Probably saved his life to,” 

\---

“He made it though,” The doctor said, stepping out still in his clothing covered in blood. 

“Oh thank God,” Sam’s mom said. 

“So he’s going to be okay?” Clint asked as they walked in. 

“Well we shouldn’t get ahead of ourselves, he went through extreme trauma, you should expect months of physical and mental recovery from that kind of trauma,” The doctor said. “It’s too early to say anything definite but he is expected to make a early recovery,” 

“Good,” Maria said, standing up. “I’ll be back in a few weeks to check in again,” 

“What, you're not even going to see him?” Steve asked as they stood up. 

“Steve…” 

“He just got out of surgery,” Steve said, before Bucky covered his mouth. 

“I trust when you are a parent then you will make choices for everyone's greater good that may not be seen as the most emotionally intelligent,” Howard said. 

“That’s fucked up man, he’s your kid, and he almost died,” Wade said, from where he was hanging off the chair upside down. “He’s like twelve or some shit you shouldn’t make it your last fucking priorety after your fucking job or some shit,” 

_ “Wade,” _

“I don’t give a fuck about being polite to assholes ma’am,” Wade said with a grin to Sam’s mom. 

“Walk with me,” Howard said, walking to the door. Wade got up with a cheeky grin as Sam’s mom let out a sigh of defeat, before turning to the doctor. 

“Can we see him?” She asked. 

“Two at a time. He’s awake but keep in mind that he will probably be very scared or agitated,” The doctor said, leading them into the room. 

“I’ll go in first alone, just to see, alright?” she said, holding up a hand before they could argue. “Remember this was very traumatic for him,” 

She followed him back into the room, where Tony was lying, looking almost drowned in the hospital bed. 

“I’ll leave you in here,” The doctor said. “Press the call button if you need anything,” 

“Thank you,” She said. “Tony, can you hear me?” 

“Is he gone?” Tony asked, opening one eye. 

“The doctor?” She asked. “Yeah he’s gone. How are you feeling?” 

“Oh thank goodness, he’s such a stick in the mud,” Tony said. “He wouldn’t even let me adjust my own pain meds, even though I told them that they would need to adjust it higher because of my tolerance, and that if they didn’t it wouldn’t work. He said I just wanted to get high and gave me a normal amount and now look where we are. I don’t see why they have to give me pain meds if they won’t even work. Also, while we’re on the topic, those guys who grabbed me were the worst at drugging a kid, they gave me twice what you should give an adult. Now luckily I have a high tolerance so it wasn’t actually all that big a deal but still I think that there are all kinds of ways that that could have gone wrong. I didn’t tell the doctor about it though, because he would have just given me less meds, and they are awful about meds here? Oh and I guess my parents will have left by now, if they came at all, that’s nice, I didn’t want to see them, my mom makes such a big dead out of kidnappings-” 

“I fucking hate this kid,” Wade said, climbing in through the window. “You can come in guys! He’s back to normal!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tony and I have the same talking problem.


	21. Tony gets bored easy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy!

“Are you not tired?” Sam’s mom asked. 

“Nope,” Tony said. “I told you, high pain tolerance and even higher med tolerance. I mean I-” 

“Shh,” Natasha said, putting her hand over her mouth. “No more talking. We’ve had enough. No more,” Tony just giggled, licking her hand, causing her to smack him.

“Ow! Hey broken ribs here!” Tony yelled, swatting back at her.

_ “Natasha,” _ Sam’s mom said. 

“Oh come on, he’s fine,” She said. “Tony are you okay?” 

“No I am  _ deeply _ traumatized, can’t you tell?” Tony said, gesturing to himself. “I mean I am a shell of my former self, I can hardly talk, hardly eat, look at what I have become,” 

“Alright smartass,” Natasha said. “Hey I brought you your homework,”

“Kay,” Tony said, grabbing the significant stack of papers. “I already did all of this,” 

“All of it?” Sam’s mom asked. “Did you even look through it,” 

“Oh yeah this is easy stuff, I mean come on,” Tony said. “Most of this is for Trig,”

“He’s right, we have one math teacher and he’s gone insane,” Natasha said, kicking her feet up. “They had to start a  Dynamic system and Differential equations class just for him and Bruce. I think he’s going to lose his mind,”

“Wait, they started a math class for two students?” Sam’s mom asked. 

“What else would they do with them?” She asked. “If you do something really bad you have to go into class with them,” 

“Speaking of, why aren't you in class?” Tony asked. 

“Mono,” Natasha said. 

“Mono? They bought that?” Tony asked, surprised. 

“With a high enough fever they did,” Natasha said. She’d rigged a thermometer to read at whatever temperature she entered in beforehand when activated by heat. It was pretty impressive and their most used item in the whole group. 

“Natasha, what about your classes,” Sam’s mom said. “It’s alright I can stay with Tony,” 

“Oh my mom’s fine with it. I have good grades,” She said. “And there’s drama on the cheer squad that I am  _ more than happy _ to stay away from,” 

“Well alright I guess,” She said. 

“You know I don’t need to be watched,” Tony said. “I’m basically fine,” 

“I don’t trust you,” Sam’s mom said, picking up her stack of papers. “It’s fine, I have paperwork to do before my next case anyway,”

“What do you do for a living?” Natasha asked. 

“I’m a lawyer. I studied for murder but it’s a small town, so most of what I do is assault or domestic violence,” she said. “And Paul’s a surgeon,” 

“Wow,” Tony said. “Lot’s of college between the two of you, huh?” He said, making her laugh. 

“Yes you could say so,” She said. “I’m going to go get some coffee, I’ll be right back,”

Tony watched her leave and waited until the door swung shut, before turning to Natasha. “I need you to help me. I’m so bored I started rewiring my heart monitor,” Natasha laughed, throwing her head back. “I’m not kidding! Please, I’m back to redoing homework I’ve already done! I’m dying here Nat!” 

“You  _ should _ be resting,” Natasa said. 

“Anything, help me out,” Tony said, making her giggle again. “They won’t even let me use my computer,” 

“I’ll try and cobble something together for you,” She said. “You want math?” 

“Anything,” Tony said. “I’ve been doing math on the napkins and then they took my pen away. I’m about this close to scratching writing into my arm with my IV,” He said. 

“Alright. Give me a few hours, I’ll come back with something,” She said with a grin.

“Thank you,” Tony said. “Or this hospital room is going to look like a scene from Stigmata,” Tony said.

“Is that meant to mean covered in writing or blood?” Natasha asked. 

“We’ll see, maybe both,” Tony said. “And there wasn’t anything hard to do when they kidnapped me,” 

“Well I would think surviving would take the president,” Natasha said. 

“Oh that was easy,” Tony said. 

“I meant to ask, you know that explosion, they just ruled it as an accidental gas explosion,” Natasha said, with a raised eyebrow. “Did you…” 

“Blow them all up?” Tony asked. “Yeah the police here suck, they would have just blown my brains out so I wouldn’t talk,” He said. 

“...huh,” She said. “Alright them. I’ll be back,” 

“Thank you!” Tony called after her.

\---

“Ay look, Tony’s on the news,” Clint said, pointing to the TV, where a blonde reported stood in front of the camera at the site. 

“Hello today we are discussing the national news of the kidnapping of multi millionaire Howard Stark's son Tony Stark. Local police have been relieved by the FBI's investigation continues. At the time they are not making any statements, however the have seen some rather disturbing pieces of equipment go into evidence, including a  _ large above ground pool _ ,” She said, gesturing to the police, who were trying to fit it in a truck. “It seems the pool was used to  _ waterboard _ the young Stark repeatedly for information, Doctors are saying at least  _ 80 times in a row _ the child was forced under water until his lungs-” 

“Let’s turn that off,” Sam said. They all nodded, although none of them made an actual move to do so, watching as the details flicked across the screen.

“Nat texted me, she said the bomb was him,” Clint said, rubbing his forehead. “And he’s bored so if we have any homework we don’t want to do he wants it,” 

“Jeeze, that kid,” Bucky said, laughing. 

“Tony not kid,” Loki said. He seemed to regain his ability to speak after a long nap and some fast food, although sometimes he will still randomly go quiet for a few hours. “Stebe a kid,” 

“Steve’s older than Tony Lokes,” Thor said. 

“...bu’ Stebe tiny,” Loki said, causing them to bust out in laughter. “Wha?”

“No, Tony’s 12 Loki,” Thor said finally. 

“Stebe still kid,” Loki said, crossing his arms. 

“Steve you’re a kid!” Bucky repeated to him, causing more giggles from everyone. 

“If I’m a kid then what happened last night was ille- Mmpf!” Steve said as Bucky covered his mouth. 

“No no Bucky, I want to hear what he has to say,” 

\---

“Anything interesting going on in here?” Tony asked, poking his head into the ER. “My guard fell asleep,” 

“Young man get back in bed,” The nurse said from the desk, standing up. 

“I’m fine, nothing weight bearing is broken,” Tony said, doing a little dance. “I’m great, but I needed something from you guy,” 

“What do you need?” The nurse asked. 

“Do you guys have any medical textbooks? I’m dying of boredom in there, and my friend is going to bring me something to do but it’s taking forever and I’m going to lose my mind,” He said. 

“You want a… textbook?” She asked. 

“Or like notes, videos of a surgery, anything. They won’t let me use my laptop for some reason and I’m losing it over here,” Tony said. 

“If I give it to you will you go to sleep?” She asked. Tony nodded sincerely. “We have a information center down the hall. Grab some books and go back to bed,” 

“You’re a sweetheart,” Tony said with a wink, taking himself and his IV to the center. 

“And then bed, understood!” She yelled after him. 

“Eh!” Tony replied, laughing as he heard her shake her head. “I’m sure I’ll end up back there one way or the other!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys I think I am this close to actually losing it on my teachers help me
> 
> also do y'all wanna see any specific plotline here? I've got a few ideas for what I'm doing next but i wanna hear from you


	22. Stuff idk man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not okay but I sure hope this chapter is.

“Hey Bruce wanna come see Tony with us?” Thor asked, leaving against the locker. “We’re all bringing him homework but you are the only one with anything hard enough to keep him entertained,” 

“Oh- I have to get home,” Bruce said.”I promised my dad I would help him with… yard work?” 

“Yard work? Really?” clint said, before Natasha elbowed him hard in the ribs. “Ow,”

“Oh thats fine,” Thor said. “I’ll text you about it later. Let me know if you need help in your yard! I do stuff with my dad all the time,” 

“Oh- yeah. Sure,” Bruce said. “Yeah its all like… easy stuff,” 

“Still,” Thor said with a smile. “I’ll talk to you later?” 

“Uh… yeah okay,” Bruce said. “Oh- uh if you want to bring him his laptop it’s still in the back of our bio class,” 

“Perfect,” Thor said with a grin, running off with Loki thrown over his shoulder. 

“Dude that was painfully awkward,” Clint said. “Horribly, painfully awkward,”

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Bruce said with an eyeroll, picking up his backpack. 

“Come on Bruce! We can’t help you if you don’t help yourself- Nat he slammed the door in my face,” Clint said as Bruce left. 

“Well people tend to do that do you don’t they,” 

\---

“Jeez what happened in here?” Natasha asked, stepping into the hospital room with everyone. “I left for three hours,” 

“Did you know they have a resource center for medical books?” Tony asked, gesturing to the reading material he had brought with him . “I now know the proper treatment for CPR on people with collagen disorders,” 

“Hey wait let me take a look at that,” Bucky said, grabbing the textbook. “I might need this for Steve,” 

“You know what buddy-” 

“No fighting around oxygen tanks,” Sam said. 

“Geeze you blow up a fire department one time, and you get labeled,” said Clint. “In my defence, I wasn’t wrong in thinking that I could spit fire,” 

“All of you hush,” Sam’s mom said. “I told him he had to return twenty of the books already. This is what’s left,” 

“Dude you’re not going to be able to read all of these by the time you get out,” Clint said, picking up one of the books. “Ugh, it smells like work,” 

“He’s allergic to that,” Natasha said flatly, handing Tony the book back. 

“I’m already halfway through the stack,” Tony said, tilting his head. 

“Holy fuck man,” Wade said. “How the hell is that even possible?” 

“I read fast,” Tony said. 

“Why are you the way that you are?” Natasha asked. 

“Well there have to be a few perfect people in the world, otherwise who will all the lowly commoners look up to?” Tony asked with a cheeky smile. 

“If you are as perfect as humans get I’m shooting myself in the head tonight,” Wade said flatly. 

“Do you need a gun?” Natasha asked. “I have a few in my backpack, here lets see-” 

“No suicide and no guns,” Sam’s mom said with a sigh. 

“But-” 

“Hand me the backpack,” Sam’s mom said, holding out her hands. 

“Fine,” Natasha said flippantly, tossing her the backpack. Sam’s mom kicked it to the side, and throwing her coat over it. 

“We’re just not going to tell anyone about that, alright?” 

\---

“What are you doing on your laptop?” Clint asked. He was on Tony Watching Duty (TWD) and bored out of his mind. 

“Well my dad just told me to check my email, so I’m doing that right now,” Tony said. Clint walked up by him to look over his shoulder, raising both of his eyebrows when over 50 unread emails popped up. 

“Do you ever check this?” He asked.

“I did yesterday,” Tony said calmly. “Most of this is crap,” 

“Who the fuck asks people for photos of themselves while kidnapped?” Clint asked as Tony texted his dad. “What does he want you to look at,” 

“Ugh, something from CNN,” Tony said, clicking on it. “They want a interview? Already?” 

“Jerks,” Clint said, effectively sticking his tongue out at the computer. 

“Why does my dad care?” Tony asked. “Hold on, somethings not right,” 

“What do you mean?” Clint asked. 

“I don’t know yet,” Tony said. “But my dad’s acting off, so is Obie,” Tony said. 

“Who’s Obie?” Clint asked. 

“My dad’s friend,” Tony said. “He usually tags along when he comes around. They were both pissed that the guys got blown up, they said it was ‘bad PR’ or something,” 

“You’re kidding,” Clint said. “Dude you were trying to survive,”

“Whatever,” Tony said. “My dad’s okay, I just don’t see why Obie cares so much,” Tony said. “It’s obnoxious, I had to turn off my phone he wouldn’t stop texting,” 

“What’s his full name again?” Clint asked. 

“Obadiah Stan,” Tony said. “I guarantee if you google him you’ll find at least a linkedin. He updates it like obsessively,” 

“Are you good if I leave for ten seconds,” Clint said. “Because if you die or something then they are going to be pissed at me,” 

“Scouts honor,” Tony said with a laugh. “Just don’t do anything with Obie that will get me in more trouble with my dad or veise versa please,” 

“Mmhmm,” 

\---

“Hey man how’s it going?” Wade asked, bumping shoulders with Bruce. 

“Ow!” Bruce said, moving back. “Uh- it’s fine?” 

“Ow? Why did you say ow?” Wade asked. “I barley touched you and you said ow. Why the fuck did you-” 

“I’m just gonna go,” bruce said. 

“Why did you say ow?” 

“I dunno I fell on my shoulder?” Bruce said. “Can you leave me alone?” 

“I just think it’s weird that be barley touching you makes you say ‘ow’. If you fell on your shoulder maybe you fucked something up,” 

“I’m fine- why do you even care? Can you just let me read?” Bruce asked, looking down at his abandoned book. 

“Fine. But I want to see your shoulder,” 

“I-  _ what? _ no - why would you want to see my shoulder?” Bruce asked. 

“Well if you took such a great big fall on it” 

“I never said- I mean I hit it on accident but it’s fine. It’s just a little bruised that’s why I said ow,” 

“Alright take off your sweater,” 

“No! I-” 

“Hey what are you guys doing?” Thor asked, walking into the room. “I thought I heard yelling,” 

“Right as acid rain,” Wade said with finger guns, grabbing his backpack. 

“That’s not how that goes- never mind,” Bruce said. Wade made a hasty retreat, probably off to terrorize someone as the school mascot, while Thor sat down next to him. “Hi,” 

“Hey,” thor said. “If you don’t mind my asking, it seems strange for someone who isn’t in band to hang out here so much,” He said, gesturing to the band room. 

“Most people avoid it, I do homework in here,” Bruce said. “Just don’t sit on the ground, they don’t follow any of the rules and the floor is gross,” 

“Noted,” Thor said. The school had apparently gotten tired of the bulky chairs that were now stacked in the back of the room, and had opted to put metal bleachers, like the kinds you would see outside by the field, in the band room. No one liked it but the janitor. “Why was Wade here?” 

“He plays tuba and he said he forgot something, I dunno,” Bruce said with a shrug. 

“Somehow that doesn't surprise me,” Thor said. “It’s the loudest, shiniest, most obnoxious thing he could have chosen,” 

“I think it’s an i ntentional choice at this point,” Bruce said with a laugh. 

“Well it suits him,” thor said. “Come on, me and Loki are getting food before we go home,” 

“I didn’t bring any money-” 

“I’ll cover you,” thor said. “You can just owe me one,” 

“I- alright I guess,” Bruce said. “Do you mind if I work on this math problem at the same time?” 

“Nope!” Thor said. “What is it- never mind that’s going to give me a headache,” 

“It’s just The Riemann Hypothesis,” Bruce said. 

“I think I leaned about that in ‘wow that sounds really hard’ class,” 

“Do you mean Math?” 

“...probably,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not me not sleeping because I had a nightmare about stretchy pikmin from pikmin 3. I was stressed bc my mom tried to make me eat pizza...


	23. ;)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wow two uplodes in one night, it's almost like she's avoiding something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy yall

“Tony, why is one of your friends harassing Obie?” Howard said as soon as Tony opened the video chat. 

“What?” 

“Obie is texting me that one of your little blonde friends won’t leave him alone, what the hell is this all about?” Howard asked. “I have a lot of shit I gotta do today Tony I can’t be babysitting you and your little possy at the same time,” 

“I don’t know anything about that,” Tony said, crossing his arms. “I’ve got homework to do so…” 

“You still have homework? Tony it’s october, you should be done with all of that by now,” 

“Well teachers have this annoying habit of continuing to assign thing,” Tony said. 

“I can’t believe that you are this behind on your work-” 

“Behind? I have the highest grades in the school. I’m not even suppose to be in 10th grade i’m 12, I’m already ahead based on that alone-” 

“Tony if you keep using excuses like that then I’m pulling you out so fast your pretty little head will spin, and you will have to follow me and your mother around doing homeschool,” 

“Oh so I would actually see you more then once a year then? I got kidnapped and that wasn’t good enough for you to stick around more then a hour! What is this to you a publicity stunt?” Tony asked, throwing his hands in the air with only moderate pain. 

“Well that’s the only thing it’s been useful for,” Howard said, clearly checking something on his other monitor. 

“Useful- it’s not suppose to be useful to you  _ I got kidnapped! _ It has nothing to do with you!” 

“It has everything to do with me, and based on your behavor you should be lucky that anyone would want to kidnap you in the first place. If you keep acting this childish I’m putting you back in 6th grade where you belong,” 

“You where the one who told me I couldn’t-” Tony was cut off as the call ended. “Well  _ fuck _ you to Howard,” He said, mopily shuting the laptop. “I gotta get the hell out of here,” 

\---

“Clint you lost Tony,” Natasha said. 

“I did?” 

“Yes you did,” she said. “Where even are you? The nurse said he’d been checked out by his mom, but she’s on vacation in the Bahamas,” 

“I told him to not do anything dumb,” Clint said. 

“Of course not, he makes bad decisions with the utmost intelligence,” she said. “Get down here, we’re trying to find him,” 

“Alright,” Clint said. “Small problem, I’m being arrested for harassment,”

“Being arrested as in this moment?” Natasha asked. 

“No more like they tried to arrest me and I dislocated my thumb and ran away and now I can’t get out of this really tall tree,” Clint said. 

“I’ll be there in ten minutes, keep your phone on so I can track you,” She said with a sigh. “By the way, surprise surprise, we can’t track any of Tony’s devices,” 

“I’m shocked,” Clint said flatly. “So he’s got some pretty serious firewalls up?” 

“No, he’s completely off the grid. He’s never been  _ on _ the grid, all of the electronics he uses or has worked on don’t send pings and use a completely different cell symptom,” 

“So he reinvented smartphones?” Clint asked as Natasha climbed into her car. It used to be her dads before he ‘disappeared’. 

“And Wifi. Or he’s never connected,” She said. “Will rope help you get out of the tree? I have rope,” 

“Rope is perfect,” He said. “If I could just reach this other trunk-” 

“Don’t move genius, you’re just going to fall,” She said. “I can hear the wood creaking from over the phone. I’ll be there in five alright?” 

“Okay,” said Clint. “And watch out for cops, I’m technically a fugitive of the law now,”

“Were you not already?”

\---

“Ugh, Jarvis look up ‘how to remove an IV’. These things drive me insane,” Tony said, hopping up on the metal table in his workshop and shaking his arm. 

“I would not recommend that sir, and due to protocol 1742 I can not aid in self harm directly to any Stark by-” 

_ “Overrule,” _ Tony yelled, throwing a bouncy ball at the high metal ceiling and catching it again. “This thing’s annoying, if you don’t google it I’m just going for it,” 

“Protocols sent to your phone sir,” Jarvis said with an electronic sigh. Sometimes Tony had to stop and congratulate himself on just how well his programming was. And remind himself that Jarvis wasn’t human, no matter how advanced his dialogue was.

“Thanks Jar Jar,” Tony said. 

“Please don’t call me that Sir,” 

“Sounds like someone got a new nickname,” Tony said. “Oh this is easy, just pull it straight out?” 

“No- sir that’s not exactly what it-” 

“Badda bing batta boom,” Tony said, basically ripping out his IV. “Minamal blood loss and all,” 

“Sir you need to apply a sterile bandage,” 

“I need a drink,” Tony said. 

“Sir you know how I feel about underage drinking,” Jarvis said. 

“You’re right Jar, because I programed you, and somewhere along the way you developed a concise,” 

“Unfortunately I did sir,” Jarvis said. “Some day if you ever grant me a body I will remove the bottles myself,” 

“Number one reason to not give you a body right there,” Tony said. “You can mix alcohol and painkillers right?” 

“No that is very dangerous-” 

“Aaaaand I’m doing it,”

\---

“Sir you now have over 20 missed calls, if you do not respond the authorities will be dispatched. They will most likely return you to the hospital,” 

“Ugh, fine,” Tony said, grabbing his phone and pressing the call back button on the first missed call that popped up. “Yes?”

“I’m going to kill you- Tony where are you?” Steve’s voice said over the phone. “They said your mom checked you out,” 

“Holograph is a wonderful advancement in technology isn’t it?” Tony said. “I’m fine, I’m at home,” 

“You arn’t better yet,” Steve said. “I- hold on, I’m handing this to Sam’s mom,” 

Tony waited, taking another swig from his drink as the phone was handed off. “Tony? Are you there?” 

“Mhm,” Tony said, grabbing the holographic display with all of his homework on it, opening his science paper. 

“I’m coming to pick you up,” she said 

“What? Why?” Tony asked. “I’m all good here,” 

“You need someone to monitor your condition to make sure there isn’t any neurological trauma we haven’t seen,” she said. “Besides, I don’t like you there in that big house all on your own, there’s no one to help if something goes wrong,” 

“I’m good, trust me,” Tony said. “But I’ve got some stuff to do, so I’m going to have to let you go,” 

“No-  _ Antony-” _

“Sorry, gotta go,” Tony said. 

_ “TONY-” _

“Oh no you’re breaking up, gotta go,” Tony said, turning off the call and sighing, putting his head on the dest. 

“Incoming call from Sam’s Mom-” 

“Decline,” Tony said. 

“Sir-” 

“Decline Jarvis!” Tony said, running a hand through his hair. 

“Yes sir,” Jarvis said. “May I subject that you take a nap before resuming work?” 

“I just want to finish this page,” Tony said. “I’ll go to bed soon,” 

“Sir-” 

“Jarvis mute,” 

\---

“Tony? Are you in there?” Clint called, knocking on the door. “Hello?” 

“He’s not going to answer,” Natasha said. “Is there a window?” 

“Electric,” Clint said, pointing the wires strung across the window. “How’s the lock looking?” 

“Complicated,” she said. “Come on let’s go for the roof,” 

“I don’t see why he won’t just let us in,” Clint muttered, shooting a grapling hook up. 

“Well, it honestly makes sense,” She said. 

“How so?” Clint asked. “I mean if I was kidnapped I wouldn’t want to be alone ever again,” 

“Tony’s phone might not be tapible, but his dad’s sure is. I got a recording of his last video call with Tony, and he basically told him he didn’t care about the kidnapping unless it benefited him, and to tell you to lay of Obie,” 

“Still don’t like him, by the way,” Clint said. 

“Anyway, Howard totally betrayed the trust there, if i was Tony I wouldn’t want to see anyone at all,” 

“I guess that makes sense,” Clint said. “I dunno, couldn’t be me,” 

“Believe me, I know,”

\---

“Hey Bruce what are you doing?” Thor asked. 

“Oh- astrology homework,” Bruce said. He’d conceded to Thor buying him food, on the condition that Thor let him get something cheap, so he had a soda and fries. Thor also ordered chicken nuggets for the table to ‘share’ but he pointedly put five on Bruces plate. Loki was enjoying his share. 

“How many planets are there exactly?” Thor asked. “I keep getting mixed signals,” 

“Well astrologists will tell you eight, but that dosn’t really make sense because they’ve already acknowledged that pluto is a dwarf planet, so it’s really nine,” Bruce said. “But both can be correct,” 

“I thought it was ten,” Thor said. 

“I- how?” Bruce asked. 

“Well to start there’s the sun,” 

_ “NOPE,”  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess who's not sleeping enough? Yep! It's me. I- I never sleep...


	24. zombie tiny robot things...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this should not have taken so long.

“Sir I suggest you grant your friends access before they injure themselves,” Jarvis said. “They are not aware of the traps on the roof and they are likely going to be very hurt,” 

“They could also try and not break into the house,” Tony said. 

“Sir there is a very real chance of injury,”

“Tell them to scram then,” Tony said, taking another sip from his bottle.

“I am allowing access to the building under override rule 187 that allows disobedience in order to protect a minor,” Friday said. 

“No  _ override-” _

“They are already in the building,” 

_ “Jarvis,” _ Tony said, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Fine, whatever,” 

“Sir you are the one who installed the prodigal-” 

“I installed all of your protocols, I made you,” Tony said. 

“Of course sir,” Jarvis said. “Allowing them access to the workshop-” 

_ “No- _ hey guys,” tony said. 

“Why the hell are you not in the hospital?” Natasha asked. 

“Who’s to say that this isn’t a hospital?” Tony said. “Look I have a IV and everything,” 

“A IV that was ripped out of your arm-” 

“Jarvis mute,” Tony said. 

“Who’s Jarvis?” clint asked. 

“He’s an AI,” Tony said. “Don’t worry about him. Anyway, you’ve gotten proof of life, so… you can scram now,” 

“Very cute,” Natasha said. “Let me see your hand,”

“What, gonna read my future?” Tony asked, holding out his palm. Natasha grinned, smacking a metal cuff around his wrist. 

“Nope. Let’s go,” 

“Ooh, handcuffs,” Tony said. “So where exactly are you taking me?”

“Back to Sam’s,” Clint said. “We know you will just leave the hospital again,”

“Well I’m afraid I’ve got some stuff to wrap up here, but I might have some time to swing by next week,” Tony said.

“And how exactly are you going to get away?” Natasha asked. “You’re handcuffed to Clint,” 

“Am I?” Tony asked. 

“What the-” Clint asked, raising his half of the handcuffs that where completely broken off. “How did you do that,” 

“Microscopic robotic technology is all the rage right now, you should invest,” Tony said. “Teeny tiny robots that can break through almost anything, titanium, carbon, tungsten the strongest metal known to the public,” 

“Is there stronger metal out there?” Natasha asked. 

“Unfortunately you count as the public,” Tony said.

“So you used tiny robots?” Clint asked. “Why can’t we see them?” 

“If there visible to the naked eye they would still look smaller than a fruit fly, but they use high tech masking tech to become practically invisible,” Tony said. 

“So what’s this? SI’s new big thing?” Natasha asked, jumping up on one of the workshop table.

“Oh, nope,” Tony said with a laugh. “This is just my own project. Unless it can eat out brains or blow something up SI won’t look at it,” Tony said. “Being a weapons company and all. Most of the robots and stuff in here is just junk I’ve messed with,”

“Who’s that?” Clint asked, pointing at a claw style robot that was repeatedly ramming it’s head into the wall. 

“Oh-  _ Dummy get over here!” _ Tony yelled. “You’re walking in the wrong- okay that’s a different wrong way- I programed echo location into you bud, you should be able to figure this out,” Tony said as the robot spun around, bumping into the work benches. “That’s Dummy. I made him when I was really drunk. I tried to take him apart for parts, but drunk me thought it would be a good idea to make him beg for mercy if he’s in danger so… now he’s just kinda here,” 

“You built him on your own?” Clint asked. Tony shot him a look. 

“Uh… yeah?” Tony said. “It was easy,” 

“Why where you ever that drunk?” Natasha asked. “You’re a  _ child _ Tony,” 

“Wow I didn’t notice,” Tony said.

“Whatever. Can we call Sam’s mom to come pick you up?” she asked. 

“Uh… no,” He said. “But if one of you want’s to mess up all of my stuff in here while I work that’s alright I guess,” 

“Give us some credit,” Clint said, tossing a base ball in the air. 

“That,” Tony said, grabbing it from him. “Is a explosive,” 

“Who’s the target? Little league?” Natasha asked. 

“Probably,” 

“Wait-” 

\--- 

“Hey Bruce come here,” Thor said, waving him over. 

“Why?” Bruce asked. 

“I got a 48 on my test and I don’t know why,” Thor said. “And you’re really smart, so I thought you might understand better than I do,” 

“Well it looks like the teacher has all the notes here,” Bruce said. “She said you got all of these right in class,” 

“Huh, that’s weird,” Thor said. “None of it makes any sense to me, maybe she worded it differently or something,” 

“Yeah,” Bruce said. “But you understand the theory behind it?” 

“Not really,” Thor said. 

“But you can do the homework fine?” Bruce asked, genuinely confused. 

“No I copy off of Clint’s homework, and he copy’s off of Natasha. And then we intentionally get different ones wrong so she can’t tell,” Thor said.

“I-” Bruce said, shaking his head. “How does Clint get Nat’s homework?” 

“Oh he steals it from her backpack out of a dog cage she keeps it in in her basement,” 

“How does he get in the basement?” Bruce asked. 

“It’s better to not question those two,” 

\---

“Did you get Tony?” Sam’s mom asked when Clint and Natasha showed up at her house. What with the Tony stuff that was going on they had all gotten pretty comfortable at Sam’s house. Enough so that mostly they could just let themselves in. 

“Nope, but we saw him. He’s okay,” clint said. “We tried to handcuff him to get him out but he had tiny robots that ate through the cuffs,” 

“...What?” She asked. “You know what I don’t want to know. Did he look okay?” 

“Yeah for the most part he looked fine,” Natasha said. “Although he has a AI that snitched on him for pulling out a IV,” 

“I have so many questions,” Sam’s mom said. “But now’s not the time. I’m going to talk to the police and see what they can do about making sure he has someone to watch him. I don’t know who all’s here but everyone should be in the basement,” 

The Wilsons had a  _ amazing _ basement, at least by a teenagers standards. It was full of pillows and blankets and huge bean bags that had something to do with a legal case which had been gifted to Sam’s mom. There was a TV on the wall to the right when you came down the stairs, and all the lights glowed a warm yellow. There was even a fridge that was suppose to be for extra food they couldn’t fit, but really only got used for junk food Paul and Sam hid from Darlene. 

Clint and Natasha raced down the stairs, almost whipping out on the slippery wood as per usual. Well Clint actually did but the carpet broke his fall so he was okay. Thor and Bruce where in one corner, leaning over what seemed to be a textbook, and Bucky was throwing a ball at the wall while talking to Sam. 

“What no Steve?” Natasha asked, sitting down next to them. 

“Ugh, the brats in the hospital again.” Bucky said. “And they won’t let me see him. I’m texting him updates,” 

“What’d he do this time?” Clint asked.

“Picked a fight and got a joint in his spine dislocated,” Bucky said. “He can’t move his head and they thought visitors would cause to much of a distraction,”

“That sounds concerning,” Clint said. “And about right,” 

“How’s Tony?” Sam asked. 

“Well he has tiny zombie robots,” Natasha said. “And won’t let us get him, but he’s alive,” 

“Cool.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so tired man, idk i'm sorry this took so long. I fr haven't slept like... at all. anyway, comments make me happy so thank you to everyone who comments!


	25. I'm giving the people what they want.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> enjoy ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all wanted drama, so here's drama

“You should probably go to sleep soon,” Bruce said. Tony jumped, hitting his head on the lights over the workbench. 

_ “Holy shit man! _ Jarvis why didn’t you tell me- wait how did you get in?” Tony asked. 

“I didn’t think that Bruce would pose any kind of threat to you,” Jarvis said, amused.

“You just have a magnetic locking symptom on your garage door,” Bruce said with an awkward shrug. “So… a stronger magnet is all you need to deactivate it,” 

“And you just happened to have one on you?” Tony asked, rubbing the back of his head.

“...Science project,” Bruce said with a shrug. 

“Holy fuck man. Turn it off I don’t want it messing up my stuff,” Tony said. Bruce nodded, pulling a mess of wires out of his backpack and pulling a few out. “What do you want man? Gonna drag me away like Nat and Clint tried to do?”

“I don’t think I can manage that,” Bruce said with an awkward smile. “But Sam’s house is to loud to do homework, and his parents think that you are already dead, so I thought that I should make sure you were alive,” 

“What happened to your house? Did it burn down?” Tony asked. Bruce shrugged, rubbing the back of his neck. Tony sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “If you promise you you won’t talk there’s a bunch of extra tables over here,” 

Bruce nodded, picking up his backpack and walking over to one of the cleared tables in the back, pulling out a textbook while Tony sighed, looking back at his equation. 

“I’m never finishing this,” Tony sighed, before tilting his head up. “Bruce! You know chem right?” 

“...yeah?” Bruce said. Tony grabbed his tablet, jogging over. 

“Okay take a look at this,” Tony said, handing him the tablet. Bruce raised his eyebrows. “A hospital widely used in automotive engines to power their machines which is 38.70% carbon, 9.75% hydrogen, and 51.56% oxygen. It also has a molar mass of 62.07 g/mol. So I need to determine the molecular formula for the compound, but I can’t get it,” 

“What have you already tried?” Bruce asked. Tony swiped to the left to show him everything he’d written with his stylist. Bruce nodded, pulling out his notebook and scribbling in it. 

“Do you understand it at all?” Tony asked. Bruce nodded. 

“...one sec,” Bruce said. “You had the answer,” 

“No nothing fits-” 

“This right here,” Bruce said, pointing. “You wrote a nine here, but later you wrote a four. You just got them mixed up,”

“...huh,” Tony said. “You really got it that fast?” 

“You got it that fast as well,” Bruce said. “You just forgot what you wrote,” 

“Hm,” Tony said. “I guess maybe you can stick around for a little while,”

\---

“Bruce you need to call an ambulance,” A voice said, startling Bruce out of his homework. 

“Who-?” Bruce asked, looking around. 

“I’m Tony’s AI, you need to dial an ambulance right now,” Jarvis said. 

“Okay okay… uh… what’s going on uh… I’ll okay where’s my phone-” 

“Your phone is in the backpack,” He said calmly. “Dial it and I’ll tell you exactly what to say,” 

“Okay okay,” Bruce said, “My backpack…” 

“To your left,” He said. Bruce opened it, grabbing his phone. “Dial 911 and tell them that you need a ambulance to 3347 Richards Avn,” 

“Hello I uh- I need a ambulance to-” 

“3347 Richards Avn,” Jarvis said again. 

“3347 Richards avn…?” Bruce said. 

“Sir I need you to speak up,” The operator said. “You said 3340?” 

“3347,” Bruce said quietly. 

“Okay sweetheart what’s going over there?” they asked. 

“Uh… I don’t-” 

“Tell them that there is suspected internal bleeding into the chest cavity, the patient is male twelve years old-” Jarvis said, crashing with the operator. 

“Sir are you still with me?” 

“Oh- uh one second I- uh-” 

“Suspected internal bleeding into the internal cavity-”

“They uh- they think it’s internal bleeding in-” 

“Who does?” 

“Uh- I donno the- he’s collapsed and he’s uh-” 

“How old is he sir?” 

“12,” Bruce said. 

“Is this for Tony Stark?” The operator asked. 

“I- oh um- yes,” Bruce said. “He fell over and- I think he might have hit his head on the table when he fell or-” 

“Okay we are on our way, I need you to see if he’s breathing okay,” they said. 

“I don’t know… I have no idea how to do that,” Bruce said, running a hand through his hair. “I mean his face isn’t blue,” 

“That’s… not how we check that,” She said. “Put your hand on his chest and see if it’s moving at all,” 

“Yeah it… I think so,” Bruce said, kneeling down. “I don’t know I- uh… it’s hard to really um… I dunno it’s- I think so,” 

“And is his heart beating?” They asked. 

_ “I don’t know _ I don’t- I have no idea how to do that!” Bruce said.

“Okay place your fingers-” 

“His heart is beating,” Jarvis said. “I have a heart rate monitor on him, the most important thing for you to do is open the front door from the inside using the magnetic deceive you where using to sneak in and explain to the paramedics how to navigate to Tony’s lab,” 

“Sir I need you to verify on your own,” The operator said. 

“I- uh,” 

“Call ended,” Jarvis said. “The operator is on the way. I have opened the doors. Due to his head injury I would turn him on the side in case of seizure to keep his airway clear,”

“Uh-” 

“Now Bruce,” 

\---

“Back again huh Tony,” the nurse asked, putting a hand on her hip as Tony blinked himself awake, shaking his head. “Don’t do that, you’ve got a huge tub in your chest and about a million wires everywhere else. And you’re intubated so you’ll save my ears,” 

Tony narrowed his eyes at her, testing his arms by raising them up a few times, before signing at her, having to hold carefully to avoid ripping out his IV. **_‘where is Bruce?’_** He signed, fingerspelling Bruce's name and raising his eyebrows. 

“Sorry hunny, I don’t speak sign,” The nurse said, smiling. Tony glared at her, flipping her off. “But I do understand that one. Be careful or we’re going to strap you down,”

Tony rolled his eyes, crossing his arms, trying to stick his tongue out and gagging on his tube. The nurse shook her head, placing a hand on his chest. “You better not pull anything, tryin’ and get out of this. You could have really been hurt if you’d been alone at your house. As is you had some real bad bleeding we missed hun. You need to sleep and heal before you get back to your shenanigans, got it?” 

Tony flipped her off again, before signing  _ yes _ to her. She just shook her head, patting his head as she left, presumably to continue her shift. Undoubtedly she had not expected him to wake up so early. He waited until he was sure she’d fully left to pull out the phone he’d taped to his arm, tapping out a message. Luckily she hadn’t tied him up this time so he could use both hands, and was easily able to finish his message by the time everyone was let in the room. 

_ “Tony! _ What-” Natasha started. Tony smirked. He must have been in pretty bad shape because they only let two people in at a time. Natasha walked over to stand by his side, and Sam’s mom went to the top of the bed, combing out his messy hair with her fingers. He signed at her to stop, pressing the  _ speak _ button on his phone. 

_ “I’m fine. Internal bleeding into my chest cavity. It’s very normal to miss. You need to find Bruce. I’m sure he wasn’t on the ambulance because I was aware when they brought me into it and Bruce wasn’t there and I dout he went to your house because the nurse mentioned calling you to inform you, so he didn’t tell you. There’s shit going down at his house, particularly in the darker months. Send someone with Thor to go check on him. Everyone but Steve should be okay, but his dad will break Steve. The password to my security computers in my house has been scratched in code on the bottom of the desk. If any of you can break the code you can check security footage. I have cameras all over the state there should not be any blind spots so you can track him directly. There is a key on top of the doorframe,” _ his phone said for him.

“Do you know sign?” Natasha asked. Sam’s mom raised an eyebrow, but didn’t say anything. She seemed to be keeping herself as calm as she could and listen. She was smart, it was easy to miss things with them even if you weren't waiting to get your own points in. Tony nodded at her with a grin around the tube in his mouth. “I’ll go with Thor, I’m sending Clint in to translate Tony, alright?” 

“Okay dear,” Sam’s mom said. “Tell your mom what’s going on and be carful okay? I worked on a case involving Bruce’s dad once and he’s… quick to anger,” 

“I will be,” Natasha said. “What’s the worst that could happen?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promised more with Tony and I delivered ;) oh that pesky internal bleeding...


	26. Rescue mission

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took so long!!

“What’s  _ wrong _ with you? Do you have any common sense? At all?” Natasha hissed, grabbing Thor by his jersey and pulling him back from the door. 

“What?” Thor asked, loudly as usual. She shot him a look, clamping a hand over his mouth and pulling him into the bushes down under an uncovered window. “Mmpf,”

“Are you глупый or just acting like it?” Natasha asked. Thor drew his eyebrows together, tilting his head. She sighed, taking her hand away to pull her hair up. “We’re here because his dad’s not safe, what do you think you’re going to do? Walk in there and just walk out with Bruce?”

“...yes?” Thor said. 

_ “No!” _ She whisper-yelled at him. “Here, I have the blueprints of the house, let’s take a look,” She said. “It’s small, one story except for a tiny basement, and it looks like the windows are barely covered. Here, i’ll find his dad, once I know where he is we can try and find Bruce and get him,” She said. 

“Why don’t we just text him and have him walk out?” Thor asked. 

“I’ve been texting him for half a hour,” Natasha said. “Either his phone’s off or he… can’t get to it,” 

“Like he lost it?” thor asked. 

“...no- okay you just stay here, alright?” She asked. “I’m going around the side of the дом to look for his dad okay?” 

“Around the what?” Thor asked. 

“The дом,” She whispered. 

“I don’t know russion,” Thor said. 

“I- I thought that was english- I okay… whatever, I’m going.  _ Stay here, _ ” She said, squatting down and creeping around the side of the house. Thor followed her anyway, crawling on his hands and knees to stay under the windows. “Thor, go wait under the window to the left of the door,” Natasha said. “It’s the one that leads to Bruce’s room. I’m going to try and get in and bring him through the window,” 

Thor nodded, crawling under the window and waited almost a full minute before peeking over the window to try and see what was going on. Unfortunately the window was covered so he sat back down in the dying bushes, fiddling with his fingers, when something caught the corner of his eye. 

“Hello there?” Thor whispered, making eye contact with a scary looking dog. “Do you live here?” he looked at the dog’s neck, which had a big collor attached to a chain. “It looks like you do. You’re skinny aren't you?” 

The dog whined, pawing at him while shaking his head and flopping his cropped ears around. Thor couldn’t tell what kind of dog it was, but it was blond colored with a big snout and nose. “You wanna come with us bud? You look a little… beat up,” He said, looking at how scuffed up he was. Quickly Thor slipped off the flannel he tied around his waist and looped it through his collar and unclipped the chains. “Good boy,” 

“I found Bruce!” Natasha whispered, leaning out the window as she opened it “I- what are you doing?” 

“I found a dog,” thor said. “He’s sad so I’m going to take him with me,” 

“Fine. Me and Bruce will be out in one second,” She said, eyeing the dog. 

“Okay!” 

_ “Shh,”  _

Thor waited quietly until they walked out the door, before crawling out of the bush, pulling on the dog's collar, who whimpered but crawled along with him. Natasha raised her eyebrow at the dog, but shrugged. He seemed a lot bigger out of the bushes. 

“Is that your dog?” Natasha asked Bruce. 

“My dad got him a year ago and just tied him up out here,” Bruce said. “I don’t see him very much,” 

“What’s his name?” Thor asked. 

“...dog?” Bruce asked, shrugging. It was clear now that they where out of the bushes that the dog was some kind of great dane mix, because he came up past natasha’s elbows. 

“We need to move, the drug’s are going to wear off soon,” Natasha said. “I chloroformed his dad,”

“Okay let’s go,” Thor said, grabbing Bruce’s hand. “You okay?” 

Bruce blinked at him for a minute, shrugging. “I- yeah? Uh-” 

“Move it,” Natasha said, looking over her shoulder. “Here, Thor you parked just on the corner right?” 

“...sorta,” thor said, wincing at the beat up truck, which was all the way up on the sidewalk. 

“Great parking job bud,” Natasha said, patting his shoulder. “Come on, let’s move,” 

“Why are you so rushed?” Thor asked innocently, tilting his head. 

“Because his dad has a gun,” Natasha said, looking down. “And  _ you _ just stole his dog,” 

\---

“You can  _ not _ de-intubate yourself Tony!” The flustered younger doctor yelled. Tony flipped him off, rolling his eyes. “Do you have any idea how  _ dangerous _ that is?” 

“Fuck off,” Tony said horsly. The tube hadn’t done much for his throat. 

“Clearly you haven't met Tony before,” The nurse said. “Tony we’re putting the tube back in, I know you don’t like it, but your lungs are not strong enough to breath after this surgery for a while okay?” 

“I’m going,” Tony said, sitting up. The nurse pushed down gently on his shoulder, making him fall against the pillow. “I’m not staying here any longer,”

“Yes you are sweetheart,” The nurse said. “Doctor, I’m sure you want to get some restraints out to prevent him from pulling that tube out again, right?” 

“Uh… yeah, sure,” The doctor said. Tony stuck his tongue out at him again. 

“Be nice to the doctor Tony, he’s just a resident,” The nurse whispered to him, patting his shoulder. “He’s not used to you yet,” 

\---

“Hey Sam’s mom!” Thor said, bouncing into the ER with the dog in tow. “We found Bruce,” 

“Thor,” She said. “Why do you have a mini horse behind you?” 

“Oh this is their dog,” Thor said. 

“My dad’s dog,” Bruce added quietly. “He wanted a ‘tough dog’,” 

“What’s his name?” Sam asked. Bruce shrugged. 

“We never named it,” Bruce said. 

“Aw, he’s cute though,” Steve said, patting the shy dogs massive head. “Why’d you bring him here,” 

“Well bruce’s dad had him all chained up and it’s suppose to snow tonight,” Thor said. “And Bruce was basically chained to the wall as well,” 

“Tied. It was rope,” Bruce muttered. Thor rolled his eyes, but picked back up Bruce’s hand. 

“And I can’t take him back to my house because of Loke’s. And my dad would freak out…” Thor said, swaying back and forth. 

“Mom, look at how cute his ears are!” Sam said, flicking the dogs cropped ears down, then letting them flop back up. His mom sighed, shaking her head. 

“The dog can stay with us until I talk to Bruce’s dad about this guy coming inside,” She said. “But we are  _ not _ keeping him, understand Sam?” Sam just grinned, flicking his ears again. “Bruce come here, let me see your face,” 

“I- uh… why?” Bruce asked. Sam’s mom shook her head, standing up and grabbing his jaw. “Ow- I… uh,” 

“Where’s this bruise from?” She asked.

“I fell down the stairs,” Bruce said. She raised an eyebrow, but let him go. 

“Fine. Well they aren't going to let us see Tony anytime soon, so why don’t y’all come over to my house, we can get this big guy settled,” Sam’s mom said. “I hope he can fit in the car,” 

They all nodded, following her to the parking lot. However, before Bruce climbed in Natasha snagged him by the back of his sweater. “What-” 

“Bruce?” She said. “Can I talk to you for one second?” 

“Uh… sure?” Bruce asked nervously. “What… uh what is it?” 

“Your house… doesn't have stairs. Does it?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dun dun duuuuun ;)


	27. Wade no...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >:)

“Okay the doctor just called, he said that Tony’s stable and has been sedated for the night, and treatment is as expected,” Sam’s mom said. 

“Why are you getting updates instead of his mom?” Sam asked. 

“Me and the nurses have an arrangement,” Sam’s mom said. “There’s been a lot of lawsuits in this town for some reason and we’ve had to work very closely together,” She said. “Anyway, there’s nothing any of you should have to worry about for the night,” 

“That’s good,” Natasha said. “So… what are we going to do with Lassie over here?” Natasha asked, looking at the dog with a wrinkled nose. 

“What don’t you like him?” Clint asked. “You have animals,” 

“I don’t have animals, I have cats. A cat, and she doesn't drool on the carpet,” Natasha said. 

“What’s your cat's name dear?” Sam's mom asked.

“голубой кот,” Natasha said. “Or, in english, Blue Cat. She’s a Russion Blue,” 

“We should name him something big,” Thor said. “Like Plane or House,” 

“How about Hulk?” Wade asked. 

“That… actually kinda suits him,” Sam’s mom said. Bruce nodded, eyeing the dog's paw, which was almost the size of his foot. “We can do that,” 

“Good suggestion Wade,” Sam’s mom said. “How did you think of it,” 

“No don’t ask him that, it’ll be something gross,” Tony said. “I guarantee it’s something gross,” 

“I just thought that he was very big,” Wade said, making them all sigh in relief. “And his tail made me think of a penis and my uncle named his penis The Hulk,” 

_ “Ew! WADE!” _ Clint said, smacking him. “Why would you say that,” 

“Why  _ wouldn’t  _ I say that man?” Wade asked. “When I have the option why not fucking take it?” 

_ “Language,” _ Sam’s mom snapped. “Ignoring it’s disturbing oregon the name fits,” 

“No- mom we can’t keep a dog named after Wade’s uncles penis!” Sam said. 

“We’re not keeping the dog,” She said. “He’s a guest,”

“Wade how do you know that?” Tony asked. 

“Playtime,” Wade said, winking. 

\---

“Bella looks different,” Paul commented as he walked in, looking at the giant dog.

“This is Hulk, we’re keeping him,” Sam said. 

“Only temporarily,” Sam’s mom said. “And we have, let’s see who do we have here? Bruce, Clint, Natasha, Wade, Sam obviously, I think that’s it,” She said. 

“To be clear I’m only her to bother my mother into driving all the way out,” Natasha said. “I don’t want to be confused with all the strays you ‘ve dragged in here. Clint’s about a dog collar away from being put in the pound,”

“Except it’s illegal to have adoption events at foster homes,” Clint said. “Or they would, trust me,” 

“You’re in foster care?” Sam’s mom asked, tilting her head,

“Yep,”

“Do you like your foster family?” Darline asked. 

“I dunno,” Clint said. “I’m at school and work and Nat’s so much I hardly know them. But I have a feeling that they suck because I had to help a little kid escape them last week,” 

“Hm…” Darlene said. “Paul can I talk to you for a second?” 

“Arn’t we talking right now?” Paul asked. She just raised her eyebrows, standing by the door. “Alright, fine I’m coming,”

They waited quietly until the parents left the room, before Clint burst out laughing with Natasha. “Sam your parents are adopting Hulk  _ and _ me!” He said. 

“Hulk smells better,” Natasha said. 

“I don’t smell!” Clint said. 

“You smell wike dog,” Loki said. 

“So does Hulk!” Clint said. 

“Well he  _ is _ a dog, he has a excuse,” Natasha said. 

“You know my mom always tries to adopt my friends, but this is taking it a step far,” Sam said. 

“Your mom is so cool though,” Thor said. 

“So is yours, dosn’t she like make cookies for all the football games and stuff,” Sam asked. 

“Their store bought,” Thor whispered, giggling. “And she only does that because she has some weird need to be the straight A student after highschool,” He said. “She still has her old cheerleading uniform, I think she still wears it sometimes,” 

“Ew,”

\---

“Hey Bruce I wanna talk to you about something real quick,” Sam’s mom said. They swore up and down that they where talking about dinner earlier, but then she spent over half a hour typing with  _ serious _ intent on her computer. 

“Uh… sure?” Bruce said, shooting his friends a panicked glance as she pulled him out into the hallway. 

“Bruce I heard some things today from your friends about your father and I was just- I know we’ve talked before but… is there anything that I can do? Do you need a place tonight to stay or even longer it’s fine it’s…” 

“I- I’m okay?” Bruce said. “Ma’am I don’t- I mean I don’t really- I don’t understand why you would-” 

“Stop talking,” She said. Bruce clamped his mouth shut, blinking at her. “I’ve worked with your father  _ closely _ over a few legal issues he’s had and… I just want to make sure you have somewhere safe to stay tonight.”

“I- my house is safe,” Bruce said. 

“Are you sure about that?” She asked, grabbing onto his shoulder. 

“What?” Bruce asked nervously, blinking. 

“Bruce, today I sent your scary russian friend and the football player who you follow around like a puppy to untie you from a wall because your father had to  _ tie you down _ to make you stay,” 

“But- I mean I-” 

“Why don’t you  _ all _ stay here for a night, it’s been a tough night and it looks cold out there,” She said. “We can all talk about it tomorrow,”

“But-” 

“Tomorrow Bruce,” She said, stepping back into the living room. “Paul can you feed the dogs?” 

“Right we have two of those now,” Paul said. “What kinda food bowl do we put that in like a mixing bowl or…” 

“Just a normal bowl I think,” She said. “Don’t you think Bruce?” 

“Eh!” 

“Mom I told you what happens when you ask Bruce questions,”

\---

_ “Tony!” _ The nurse said. 

“Hello,” Tony said. “Oh, the tube was bothering me a little, thought I would take a break,”

“You mister are going to put me in early retirement,” She said. Tony rolled his eyes, pulling out his phone. “Ay! No phones in here,” 

“Why not?” Tony asked. “I don’t see any radiology equipment, nothing magnetic or any symptoms I can hack with this that would make a significant improvement to my life, maybe if I had a morphine drip but you guys are putting that in with a syringe- probably because of last time-”

“You sir, need to stop talking, okay?” The nurse said. “I’ll tell you what I’m going to do, I am going to page the  _ baby _ that is stuck on your case while they try and break him in, and you are going to have to put up with half a hour of stammering while he tries to explain that your lungs are not able to sustain you and that you should be dead, which you and I both know isn’t true because you are not coding, and I want  _ you _ to work on breaking him in,” 

“Break him in?” Tony asked, grinning. 

“Gentally,” She said. “I don’t need you running him out of medicine,” 

“Oh don’t worry, I’ll be gentle,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uuuuugh I'm tired. hope you guys liked it!!


	28. ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't mind me posting fanfic christmas eve. Lowkey might write more tonight idk

“Okay well my mom clearly dosn’t care about my saftly,” Natasha said, looking at her phone. “Clint can you give me a ride when you go?” 

“Yeah sure,” Clint said. 

“Oh are you going back home tonight?” Sam’s mom asked. “You know you’re welcome to stay here,” 

“Mom stop, it’s creepy when you try and kidnap my friends,” Sam said. “They arn’t used to you yet,” 

“Go  _ home?” _ Clint asked. “Dude it’s only 10 PM, I’ve gotta go to work,” 

“What are you a drug dealer?” Thor asked. 

“No, I’d know if he was,” Wade said. They all just blinked at him. “What? Pizza Hut didn’t work out!” 

“No I do something… else,” Clint said. 

“He’s a clown,” Natasha said with a shutter. 

“I’m not a clown I work with clowns,” Clint said. “And they arn’t as bad as you would think,” 

“They are terrifying,” Natasha said. 

“I’m sorry, you work with… what?” Sam’s mom asked. 

“I have a job at the circus,” Clint said. “I do acrobatics and archery and shit there,” 

“That’s not the whole-” Thor started, only to be cut off by Natasha smacking a hand over his mouth. “Mph!” 

“That’s the whole job,” Clint said, side eying Thor, who looked genuinely confused.  _ “Remember,” _

“Ooooohhhhh… yeeeeeees,” Thor said, nodding. “Uh- Bruce what are you doing? Let’s talk about that,” 

“Homework,” Him and Tony said at the same time, closing their laptops,” 

“Well now I know you’re lying, you two have had your homework done for months,” natasha said, jumping over the back of the couch and leaning over Tony to grab his laptop. “What is this?” 

“It’s password protected is what it is,” Tony said, snatching it away. 

“Wait what are you working on?” Thor asked. 

“Can we go back to Clint’s job real quick?” Sam’s mom asked. 

_ “No,” _

“Well it’s not strictly  _ legal _ so-” Tony started. 

“Wait what?” Natasha asked. “I mean I would expect that from someone like Tony but  _ Bruce?” _

“I’m just doing the science I don’t know what it’s for,” 

\---

“So, how’s it going?” Tony asked, when the nurse walked in, glaring at him. “Minor IV issue,” 

“What did you do?” She asked, picking up the tube. 

“I executed my own extraction,” tony said.

“You arn’t going to be discharged for another few days,” She said. 

“I discharged myself,” Tony said. “But the IV is using a panic mechanism that  _ I _ designed, ironically enough, that will dig into your skin, and I don’t feel like removing full chunks of flesh today so can you just use your magic science magnet,” 

_ “Tony _ you did this last time, remember what happened?” 

“Well I’m operating on the assumption that you’ve done your job this time, so I should be good to go back home now,”

“Tony sit down- 

“Besides you need to get me off of the meds you’re giving me because I’m already on my own crazy cocktail that I’m  _ pretty _ sure it’s causing way more problems then it’s fixing so it’s actually in  _ both _ of our interests that you zap this thing right off, kay?” Tony said, grinning at her. 

“Fine, but you have to know that you are leaving AMA, which means against medical advice. If you experience any dizziness, shortness of breath, chest pain or intense headache that lasts more than 90 minutes come back immediately,” She said, scribbling something on a pad. “Here’s a prescription for oxycontin, take one by mouth every-” 

“Already have it at my house,” Tony said. “See yah later,” 

“I hope not,” she said. “Take care of yourself Tony, no crazy stunts or anything alright?”

“Uh huh, i’ll be fine,” Tony said. “Don’t miss me to much,” 

“You’re hysterical,”

\---

Tony unlocked his door, walking in and staring around at the familiar surroundings. He’d moved around a fair amount with his parents before he turned five, at which point they had decided he was basically self-sufficient and shipped him off with Jarvis, who watched out for him before dying of cancer when Tony turned eight. They hadn’t bothered replacing him, because at that point Tony could make his own sandwiches, and besides, there was no replacing Jarvis anyway. 

He’d lived closer to his parents before, but the threats on him grew over time as he appeared in more and more media so the police had advised for him to move away from his family, thus the small town. Although if you where looking for a Stark in the town there would be no question which house to go for, because his father couldn’t stand the idea of Tony living in a normal house. 

“Jarvis turn on all the lights,” Tony said, looking down the dark hallways with a shudder, before catching himself. He wasn’t scared of the dark, he had never been. 

“Of course sir, would you like to go to your bedroom?” Jarvis asked. 

“No unlock the lab,” Tony said. 

“I’m afraid I can not do that sir,” Jarvis said. 

“Wha- why not?” Tony asked. 

“There seems to have been a dangerous chemical reaction, the lab is shut down until further notice,” Jarvis said. “I would also like to suggest that you get some sleep sir,” 

“Did you just make that up?” Tony asked. “Because I would have gotten a alert on my phone,” 

“It is about time you get some sleep sir,” Jarvis said. “I’ll be sure to try and get the lab ready by the morning,” 

‘Whatever,” Tony said, kicking off his covers and jogging upstairs, hearing his footsteps echo throughout the house. He opened the door to his room and grabbed a bottle off of his nightstand. 

“Sir mixing the drugs already in your system with that could be lethal,” Jarvis said.

“What do you expect me to do, go to sleep sober?” Tony asked. 

“Well you’re not sir, that’s the problem,”Jarvis said as Tony grabbed his pajamas, pulling off his shirt before pausing to look at the damage to his chest. “This should not scare with your new tech sir, should you be worried about that sir,” 

“No, no I know,” Tony said, poking at the bandages with a wince. “They really got me, huh?” he laughed.

“Make sure to keep the area sterile sir,” Jarvis warned. 

“Yeah yeah yeah,” tony said, quickly pulling his teeshirt on over his wounds and pulled on his pants, diving under his covers. 

“Would you like the lights off?” Jarvis asked.

“Sure, you know the drill,” Tony said, resting his head on the pillow, staring at the side of his room as the light flicked away, leaving him in the dark. Tony closed his eyes, expecting to drift asleep quickly. There was really no way to sleep on a hospital bed well, and he’d been exhausted all day. Except as he pulled the blankets up around himself he felt his breathing slowly cut off, no matter how many times he tried to pull off the blankets or the sheets from around his neck it still felt like he couldn’t breath. 

“Uh- shit Jar what’s happening why-” Tony said, sitting up in bed. “Is this- they gave me medicine I-” 

“Physically you are fine sir,” Jarvis said. “Would you like me to call-” 

“Don’t call anyone!” Tony said “Okay this is fine, everythings fine I- I’m fine right? Are you sure I’m fine?” 

“Yes sir,” Jarvis said. “May I recommend taking a few breaths?” 

“Shut the hell up,” Tony said. “I’m- I think I am going to go take a walk,” 

“Sir you should-” 

“I’m taking a walk,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> merry christmas! if you don't know yet I posted the final chapter to the PR fic (it's Christmas themes ;) ) and a sad oneshot about Wades dead kid. Enjoy :)


	29. Of all the people I did not expect that from you...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;)

“Sir I must insist at this point in intervention, you are exhibiting multiple concerning behaviors that-” 

“Protocol 157 remember Jar?” Tony said. He’d turned off age specified advice for himself to stop Jarvis from reporting him for 90% of his life. It was why he could drink or drive -or often do both of those things at the same time- and not get in trouble with police or CPS.

“Sir, you are concerned for anyone at any age. You have had multiple panic attacks in a series of three days averaging at 4 a day, you have increased substance abuse and reckless behavior, recently underwent extreme physiological and physical trauma which required two admission into the hospital. These health events where only exasperated by not only your constant state of inebriation but also that you -as I have said- are underweight for your age and sleep a very small fraction of the recommended amount for your age group,”

“Whacha planning on doing about that?” Tony asked, rolling his neck and taking a swig out of his giant thermos. He’d made another ‘Tony special’ which was a full energy drink, four shots of espresso, and a generous amount of brandy. Now that he thinks about it maybe Jarvis has a point. 

“Well if you where a normal child your parents would be contacted,” jarvis said. 

“Clearly I am not normal,” Tony said. “Send out that shipment of last weeks designs will you? We should have a few hundred done by now, I’m sure some hospitals could use them,” 

“Of course sir,” Jarvis said. “On one condition,” 

“What would that be?” Tony asked, rolling his eyes. 

“You need to contact Samual Wilson's mother at her home or yours. Alternatively you could take a nap,” Jarvis said. 

“Aw- come on man! People will die!” Tony said. With his ‘cutting edge’ technology -and yes he was proud of that pun- he’d managed to create a affordable laser surgery robot that only used the doctors hands instead of all their arms to control it, to allow much longer surgeries, and a few hospitals had already preordered for a few tricky cases. 

“Nap or call?” Jarvis asked. 

“You’re a  _ robot _ dude why are you bossing me around?” Tony asked. “I can turn you off whenever I feel like it,” 

“But you won’t sir,” Jarvis said. 

“And what exactly is stopping me?” Tony asked. 

“Being alone this dark house for one,” Jarvis said. 

“That hurts man,” Tony said jokingly, chucking about half of his drink. 

“I am so sorry sir,” Jarvis said. 

“Hey who taught you sarcasm,” Tony said.

“You did, sir,” 

“Oh thats right. Fuck me,” 

\---

“What are you doing up here?” Clint asked as he vaulted himself over the roof of a building. Their town didn’t have very many tall buildings, but there where quite a few random warehouses and such scattered around. Wade turned around, flicking open his lighter. 

“Hula dance, can’t you tell?” Wade said, lighting a cigarette. 

“Those things kill you know,” Clint said with a grin, kneeling next to him and setting down some kind of metal poll.

“Why do you think I smoke them?” Wade asked with a cheeky grin. “What you got there?” 

“Don’t worry about it,” Clint said. “I’m just watching for now,” 

“Cool. Question; are the drugs kicking in or is your backpack full of arrows right now?” Wade asked. “I mean I’m also probably schizophrenic so that might be playing into it,” Clint looked at him for a minute, before grabbing the poll, snapping it forward, revealing a collapsed compact bow. “Holy fuck man,” 

“I know, isn't it so cool?” Clint said, exited. 

“So who all do you use this thing on?” Wade asked, blowing out a cloud of smoke. 

“You might see soon,” Clint said. “I thought you went home, why are you still out here? It’s like 10 degrees out,” 

“I’d rather freeze then go back there. I swear one incident with my uncle and I’m just going to kill all of them,” Wade said, laying back so his legs dangled off the building. 

“Understandable,” Clint said, opening his backpack and grabbing a fistfull of arrows, putting them down next to him and propping up the bow. 

“Is that the guy you’re trying to shoot?” Wade asked, pointing to a figure. “Because I think they are getting away,” 

“Oh-  _ shit-” _

_ \--- _

“Are you happy now?” Tony asked his ceiling. 

“A 20 minute drug induced nap is not exactly what I had intended, but it works,” jarvis said. “The shipments have been made,” 

“Finally. You know a robot holding lives hostage for my own wellbeing dosn’t quite sit right with me,” Tony said, opening a energy drink. 

“Of course not sir,” Jarvis said. “What’s on the agenda for today?” 

“Epipens,” Tony said. “Finally got that FDA approval to market my own, we’re totally going to dominant the prescription brand,” 

“Alright, pulling up the necessary documents,” Jarvis said. “Recommended pricing for product would be 15% decrease of the average which would bring the cost down to 265 at retail-” 

“Why the hell would I do that?” Tony asked. “They are cheap as hell to produce, I could fund it myself from my  _ allowance,” _

“But sir-” 

“Nope. Mark them at… how about 35 dollars,” Tony said. 

“Sir you could mark them a hundred dollars more then that and it would still be the cheapest on the market-” 

“Do I look like I give a fuck?” Tony asked. “Mark it, sell it, I’ll work on press. I want to work on incline next-” 

“Sir may I ask why you are so focused on medical technology at the moment?” Jarvis asked. “For press, of course,” 

“Think about it Jar,” Tony said. “I had a gun held to my head like eight times but people are dying from peanuts. Besides, I like being better at things then others,” 

“Well that is… well thought out,” Jarvis said. “Sir you seem to be very productive today but I must-” 

“If you don’t hush I’m muting you,” Tony said. 

“Of course sir,” Jarvis isa.d 

“Kay, call Steve, i’ve got something I need to talk to him about,” 

\---

“Steve Tony wants to know if you are allergic to peanuts,” Bucky said, handing over his phone. Steve raised a eyebrow, turning the phone twordes him. 

“Duh, he knows that,” Steve said, typing out a message and setting his phone down. Not two minutes later it rung, startling both of them. “Hello?” 

“I have a idea,” tony said. 

“Okayyyy,” 

“I’m working on a epipen prototype, and it’s basically ready to go out into the market, but I need video proof of it working. I’ve tested it plenty but it hasn’t been recorded yet,” 

“So what do you need me for?” Steve asked. 

“I need you to eat a peanut butter cup and then use the epipen to get people to trust it,” Tony said. “I’m 110% sure it works, but I also have a handful of the standard ones just in case and a ambulance on speed dial,” 

“Steve are you dumb you can’t do that-” Bucky started. 

“-And I’ll pay you a few hundred dollars for participating in a drug trial,” Tony said. 

“I’d murder for a couple hunded dollors,” Steve said. “I mean what’s the worst that could happen?” 

_ “You die,” _ Bucky said. 

“Meh,” Steve said, shrugging. “I’ll do it,”

\---

“Want to help me hide a body?” Clint asked Wade, jumping off the roof.

“Holy  _ fuck _ man,” wade said. “If this was all a very elaborate hallucination I’m going to be disappointed. What happened to the whole golden retriever thing you had going on?” 

“You don’t survive foster homes as a golden retriever,” Clint said. “That’s how I  _ prefer _ to act, but… yah know,” 

“Who did you just kill,” wade asked. 

“No idea,” Clint said. “They gave me a time and a place,” 

“Who did?” 

“Okay so don’t freak out,” Clint said, helping him down. “I needed some extra cash, and I found out that I could swing from a pole and shoot a bow pretty well, so I joined the circus, because they where the only ones willing to hire a 13 year old. Then, last year, a clown approached me, told me that I was good with a bow and he needed a guy taken out, and he asked me if I could do it,” 

“And you said  _ yes?” _ Wade asked. 

“I needed the money, I was trying to move out of my brothers custody and he wanted me to make up the checks he was getting from keeping me. Besides they swore up and down they guy I was taking out was a bad dude, so I did it. And then I got a reputation,” 

“So you are a clown assassin?” Wade asked. “Sick,” 

“No- I’m not I just… occasionally kill people for clowns,” Clint said. “It’s really no biggy,” 

“Hm,” Wade said. “Cool. So what where you thinking, you got some lye we can use or…” 

“What did you think I’m a amature?” Clint asked. “Nah we’re going to fram this as something else, do you have a car?” 

“No but I sure as hell know how to hotwire one,” 

“Perfect,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mean are y'all really suprised? also yay to Tony for curing people, and pay attention for foreshadowing ;)


	30. MURDER BUDDIES <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prepare yo self

“I don’t like this Steve,” Bucky said, following behind Steve who was speed walking to the bus stop. “I mean I know he’s a genius and stuff, but he’s also a  _ child _ and remember what happened the last time you ate peanuts and then you fell and-” 

“Okay but money,” Steve said. 

“But safety-” 

“Yeah but money,”

“Okay I see your point,” Bucky said, rolling his eyes, catching up with Steve. “Come on you’re being a idiot,” 

“I’m being smart. I’m sure Tony’s tested it a million times already, he just needs it on video,” Steve said. “And we need money. Like really need money,” 

“I’m going to be pissed as hell at you if this doesn't go well,” Bucky said, throwing his arm over Steve’s shoulder. “And I might punch Tony,” 

“Don’t he’ll put you in jail,” Steve giggled as the bus pulled up. “Remember that senior that put the play balls in his locker?” 

“Yeah what happened to him?” Bucky asked. 

_ “Exactly,”  _

\---

“So how exactly are you going to do this?” Wade asked as Clint hauled the body into the car. 

“Well this is why arrows are good, because it’s just a puncture wound, there’s no residue that police know to look for, so if you find a normal way to stab something through that wound they have nothing to go off of,” Clint said, crossing his arms before buckling the guy in. “This guy I’m going to crash off a bridge and into that little forest down there. A single puncture won’t be noticed with eighty others,”

“Okay,” Wade said. “Cool,” 

“Unfortunately they have people who will test these kinda things,” Clint said. “So I can’t just roll it off, even though I doubt anyone here actually looks into car crashes, you never know when a really dedicated family member will come along, so I have to drive it,” 

_ “You _ have to drive it?” Wade asked. 

“From the passenger side, then jump out,” Clint said, pulling out a pair of gloves. 

“Can I ride?” Wade asked, perking up. 

“I mean… sure,” said Clint, tossing his backpack. “Brush out your hair and put on gloves under your jacket, then pull your hood up over your hair,” He said, scribbling on a piece of paper. 

“What’s that?” Wade asked, following instructions,” 

“Suicide note. It’ll explain why there’s no marks of the car trying to pull away,” 

“Cool,” Wade said. 

“Nice. Let’s go for a joyride with a dead body,”

\---

“Steve! Glad you could make it!” Tony said, opening the door. “And Bucky! You look as murderous as ever!”

“Are you sure this is safe?” Bucky asked, letting himself in.

_ “Jarvis mute _ \- yes it’s 100% safe,” Tony said with a grin. “The FDA just want’s some video evidence, and it’ll probably be used in some of the marketing if that’s okay?” 

“Yeah do whatever,” Steve said, sitting down. Tony had a clearly designated area for the testing, with a white background and a single stool, next to a medical cart. In frount of it was a very fancy camera and light/sound equipment that was already on. 

“Cool, you ready to go?” Tony asked. Steve nodded, and Bucky took a seat on the counter out of frame, glowering. Tony reached over, turning on the camera. 

“Okay, so the first thing we are going to do is do a allergy test on you to make sure your allergy is anaphylactic,” Tony said, taking out a needle and a sharpi from the cart. He drew a small circul on his wrist before pricking him. “This should develop in about fifteen minutes so while we wait I’ll explain some of the more complicated peices to this Epipen,” 

Tony babbled on about science and numbers and statistics and the FDA while Steve tried to look professional, and Bucky glowered at both of them, while pretending to flip through his phone. Tony, finally concluding his speech, reached over to his cart. 

“Here we can see on Steve- lift your arm up Steve- that he has reacted to the peanut test, thus proving his allergy,” Tony said. “Meaning should he consume peanuts he should go into anaphylactic shock,” Tony tossed Steve a peanut butter cup in a plastic bag. “Steve if you would be so kind as to eat that for me,” 

Steve nodded, unwrapping it as he continued. “Before anyone watching panics, we have both a FDA approved Epipen, as well as Bucky right here with his phone at the ready in case we need medical assistance, and as you can see he is  _ thrilled _ to be here,” 

\---

“Okay on the count of three!” Clint yelled, tucking the note into the mans pocket as he used the stick to press on the exelorater. Wade nodded, opening his door. 

_ “One,” _ Clint moved, grabbing his bow and pressing a rock onto the exelorater to keep it from stopping. He pulled of his and Wades seatbelts and moved to crouch on the seat. 

_ “Two,” _ Clint pulled a pocket knife out of his jacket and reached around the back and pouring something on the body before slicing something around the car in the hood as the car barreled twordes the ledge. 

_ “Three!” _ He yelled, grabbing Wade as he passed through the window and pulled them both into a roll on the road as the car lunged off the road and over the small cliff. They kept rolling until they hit the barrier on the other side of the road with a loud crack, where they both laid still for a moment. 

“Holy fuck man that was awsome,” Wade said, struggling to sit up. “How do you know all that stuff?” 

“It’s pretty easy,” Clint said, sitting up with much less drama. “If i just hid him or something there would be a whole investigation and everything. If he clearly drove off a cliff with a suicide note then no one is going to think twice,” 

“You’re a damn evil genius,” Wade said with a grin. 

“I know,” Clint said, grinning back at him. “Now move, I’ve gotta go get changed and then check back in with my boss,” 

“Cool. I’m going to go get super high,” Wade said, waving at him. “This was fun! I hope it wasn’t all a hallucination,” 

“I… oookay,” 

\---

“So now you just insert the needle into any amount of muscle, preferably the thigh,” Tony said, taking off the cap and stabbing Steve, “and within twenty or so seconds his airway should be back to normal,” 

Steve nodded, already feeling his airway start to relax slightly so he could draw in a few wheezing breaths, shooting Bucky a thumbs up. Bucky looked slightly less angry and slightly  _ more _ panicked, although it seemed like a relatively even mix still. Tony waited patiently until Steve’s breathing went back to normal, before turning to address the camera. 

“Steve are you feeling better?” Tony asked. 

“Yep,” Steve said, rubbing his leg where he was stabbed. “Did you need to stab me so  _ hard?” _

“Shh, I just saved your life,” Tony said with a grin. “As you can see this successfully prevented a full anaphylactic episode by preventing it from reaching the peak in the cycle of anaphylactic, meaning that his throat was never allowed to fully closed, showing that this medicine is actually faster acting ten the average Epipen,” 

“Cool,” Steve said, standing up. “Can I go now?” 

“Sure,” Tony said, turning off his camera. “You gotta Venmo?” 

“Yeah,” Steve said. 

“Cool I’ll transfer the money,” Tony said. Bucky grabbed Steve’s hand, pulling him out the door while they said goodbye. 

“See! I’m fine!” steve said, throwing up his hands. “Told ya so.”

“Mhm,” Bucky said, pulling them to the bus stop. 

“I don’t get it why are you upset?” Steve asked, limping slightly down the steep driveway. He’d rolled his ankle last week and it still wasn’t normal. 

“I’m not,” 

“You are,” 

“No I’m not,” 

“Yes you are,” 

“No I’m-” 

“Yes!” Steve said, stopping so Bucky got pulled to a stop at the same time. Bucky shot him a annoyed look, pulling on his hand. 

“We’re going to miss the bus,” He said. 

“Why are you being bitchy about this?” 

“I’m not!” Bucky said. “You’re the one inventing things,” 

_ “Inventing-? _ You spent the whole video shooting daggers at me with your eyes!” Steve said. “Why won’t you just chill!” 

“Because you’re already practically  _ dying _ anyway! Why the hell would you put yourself in danger like that? What if something had happened? Or it wasn’t anaphylactic or Tony had done a miscalculation I mean- Dammit Steve you can’t just let children experiment on you whenever you feel like you need a couple extra bucks!”

“I knew what I was doing,” Steve said, crossing his arms. 

“You could have  _ died,” _ Bucky said, pulling his hand away. Steve glared at him, before grabbing his hand again. “Let go of my hand,” 

“No,” 

“Steve-” 

“I’m holding your damn hand okay Buck,” Steve said, glaring at him, which he was sure was less than threatening given his height. Bucky shot him a look, trying to pull his hand away, making something in Steve’s wrist click.  _ “Ow- _ fuck that hurt,” 

_ “Steve,” _

“I’m still not letting go,” Steve said, eyeing his wrist and hoping it wouldn’t betray him. “I can make my own choices,” 

“I just don’t want you to end up dead on Tony’s workshop one day, okay man?” Bucky said, looking up. Steve narrowed his eyes, trying to judge how angery Bucky actually was, before leaning over and hugging him. 

“I love you asshole,” Steve said. 

“Yeah yeah,” Bucky said, pulling him against his chest. “I love you to,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> d'aw, arn't they just the best? Also for those of you who don't know I posted the final chapter of my PR fic :( and a real sad oneshot with Wade!!


	31. Brother, just killed a kid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> possible TW for eating disorder

“Bruce, whatcha doing?” Thor asked, sliding in next to him at the edge of the bleachers. “It’s cold out here,” 

“It’s also quiet,” Bruce said, putting away his textbook and pulling his sweater around himself tighter. “Where’s Loki?” 

“My mom is trying to get him to do a daycare thing, it’s like some kinda Montessori learning for ‘sensitive souls’ so… we’ll see. I give it a week at most,” 

“Seems generus,” Bruce said. “I’d say three days,” 

Thor laughed, stretching his legs across the bench below them and leaning over Bruce, grabbing his textbook. “Holy hell this is heavy what are you  _ reading?” _

“Astriothermo compact physics,” Bruce said, shrugging. 

“That sounds hard,” Thor said, looking at the book. “Explain it to me,” 

“I- what?” Bruce asked. 

“Well it must be pretty good if you’re willing to read about it,” Thor said, opening the book. “Wow that’s a lot of tiny print,” 

“I mean…”

“Chapter one,the theory of Copenhagen Interception and it’s applicant to daily life in the scientific field- I’m already tired,”

“Oh well that’s pretty simple it’s just a collection of theories about quantum mechanics,” Bruce said, perking up. 

“Okay explain it but use english,” 

\---

“Oh my gosh,” Natasha said, collapsing on her bed. “I had the worst day ever,” 

“What happened?” Clint asked, tossing aside the homework he wasn’t planning on doing anyway. 

“Ugh, I’ll tell you about it later,” She said. “I swear I hate everyone at school. How was your day?” 

“Killed a man,” Clint said. “And Wade helped out, he was hardly phased by it,” 

“Nice,” She said, flipping over to her stomach to look at him. “The coach is putting us on a new diet before the performance next month,” 

“Another one?” Clint asked. “He already has you eating like rabbits,” 

“Apparently rabbits are too chubby,” She said. “Raw paleo diet and new diet pills,” 

“Diet pills?” Clint asked, sitting up. “That’s extreme isn’t it?”

“Eh,” she said. “We’ve been on it before, but these ones make me feel sick. I think that's the point though,” 

“Why are you even taking those?” Clint asked. “You look  _ great, _ if you asked me,” Natasha snorted, shaking a piece of hair out of her face. 

“You’d say that no matter what I look like,” She said. “I’m a flyer, they want me down to 105 on day of,” 

“What the hell?” Clint asked. “What- how is that even possible? You’re going to die of you do that,” 

“You’re being dramatic,” She said. Clint narrowed his eyes at her, drawing his eyebrows together. 

“I don’t think I am,” Clint said. “What’s your coaches name again?” 

“You’re not killing my coach, and you know the only name she’s given us is Jay,” She said. 

“Okay but you’re not going to do it right?” Clint asked. 

“I’ve got no choice, they weigh us every practice,” She said. “If I don’t lose weight they’ll cut me,”

“I thought you were captain?” 

“Doesn't mean I’m immune,” Natasha said. “I’ll be fine, but I’m worried about Marrissa because she’s already got a eating disorder and she  _ just _ got out of treatment. I’ve tried to tell her to quit the team but she’s ‘fine’ now,” 

“That sounds like a nightmare,” Clint said. 

“Eh,” Natasha said. “At least all of last years seniors are gone finally, one of them tried to tell me that gum was a full meal,” 

“Dude they are insane,” Clint said. “I mean- this is- absurd-” 

“Nah you’re just a guy,” She said, grabbing her book of the nightstand. 

“I don’t think that’s the problem,” 

\---

“Jarvis, did you send the money to steve?” Tony asked, stretching. 

“Yes sir may I recommend-” 

“No. How’s my schedule look?” He asked.

“Well your father has requested you book a flight out to new york city tonight but I have declined-” 

“Why would you do that?” Tony asked. “I can go,” 

“Sir with all due respect you would get a greater benefit from sleeping them you would from going to the city-” 

“I’ll take the private plane, have it ready in an hour,” Tony said. 

“Sir I really must insist- you had a breakthrough in over the counter Epipen retail, I recommend you simply revel in that for the time-” 

“Can’t stop now Jar,” Tony said, “Book it,” 

“With all due respect sir, why not?” Jarvis asked, making Tony pause, turning to look at the ceiling. 

“Because- I’m just bored, okay? And I wanna do some work,” He said. 

“Sir this seems concerning, and again I would like to point out your concerning diet-” 

“Do it,” Tony said. 

“Sir-” 

“Mute,” 

\---

“Does that make more sense?” Bruce asked, turning around his textbook. 

“Sorta…” thor said. “So you’re connected to the universe through like… tubes and stuff?” 

“Well- sorta,” Bruce said. “Kinda, I mean yeah-” 

“Not at all?” Thor asked, smiling. 

“Not really,” Bruce laughed. “You’re pretty close,” 

“Well that’s better than I was before- oh shit my phone’s ringing,” Thor said, grabbing it off the bench, “What?” Bruce sat quietly, watching a look of amusement cross Thor’s face. “Fine we’ll be back by dinner,” He said, hanging up. 

“What was that?” Bruce asked. 

“Loki got in trouble,” Thor said. “Wanna come with to pick him up?” 

“Sure,” Bruce said, loading his books into his backpack. “Did they say what he did?” 

“Something about scissors,” Thor said. 

“Oh joy,”

They rode in relative silence the ten minutes it took to get to the ‘sensitive souls school’ for Loki, who was sitting on the curb with a nasty look on his face as the teacher stood there watching him. Thor grinned, before shaking his head, and attempting to look serious as he got out, waving at Bruce to follow. 

“Loki what… happened?” Thor asked, looking at the livid toddler.

“Well we had a slight disagreement in class today and Loki decided that he was going to attack the boy it was with, which ended up in  _ dramatic _ hair implications and-” 

“I stabbed his head,” Loki said with a grin. 

“Uhm…”

“And I not sowwy,” Loki said, crossing his arms.

“Oookay then,” Thor said. 

“Loki seems to not be concerned with the ramifications of his actions, I need to insure that there is strict discipline in place at home to make sure nothing like this happens again-” 

“Yeah sure I’ll take care of it,” thor said, grabbing Loki’s hand. “Come on man, let’s go,” 

“Bu’ I'm not sowwy,” Loki said, narrowing his eyes. 

“I- well… you  _ will _ be,” Thor said, tossing him in the car. His truck only had a front row so he was between Thor and Bruce. “See you ma’am,” Thor said, climbing in after Loki and turning on the car. “Okay we’re going to get ice cream just don’t do that again okay lokes?” 

“We’ll see,” Loki said, grinning. 

“Loki…” 

“Wha? It’s okay if they need it,” He defended. 

“Needed what?” Bruce asked. 

“Stab,” 

\---

“I’m going to go get some food, you wanna come,” Clint asked finally, stretching. 

“Nah I’ll just eat here,” She said. Clint narrowed his eyes, looking at her. “What? I’m going to have a salad anyway, why spend the money for someone else to get their hands all over it?” 

“I don’t like this tasha,” He said, crossing his arms. 

“And since when did my actions hinge on your approval?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Sense you apparently became incapable of discerning what was a healthy option,” Clint relaliated. 

“It’s a salad Clint, I’m hardly wasting away,” she said. “What if I put chicken on it? Just for you,” 

“Tasha,” 

“I’m fine,” she said. “I’m eating fine. This is all a practical thing, practically, our performance would be the best if every flyer made the weight goal, so as the leader, I have to set the best example for the other girls as possible. I’m not obsessed, I  _ know _ I look great, meaning I don’t have dysmorphia, I just want to have the best cheer routine possible,” 

“...I don’t like this,” Clint said. “Fine, but at least go with me to buy the salad. I just killed a guy I can pay,”

“Fine,” Natasha said. “If you want to overpay for a chopped salad I won’t stop you,” 

“Yay!” 

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No no guys, it's totally fine ;) 
> 
> comment any plot lines you want to see show up and I will try and include them


	32. enjoy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mwahaha

“Natasha,” 

“Clint,” 

“Please?” 

“No,” 

“Pleaase?” 

“I’m sorry do you not respect my ability to consent?” 

“Eat the fries,” 

“No,” 

“Please-” 

“Is everything going alright?” The server asked. 

“Yes,” Natasha said calmly, shooting Clint a look. 

“Can we get another order of fries?” Clint asked, grinning. Natasha kicked him hard with the toe of her boot under the table. “Ow,” 

“Oh of course-” 

“That won’t be necessary,” Natasha said. 

“Oh-” 

“Get the fries please,” clint said. 

“N0-

“Thank you!” Clint said. The server shot them a weird look before going back into the kitchen. 

“You’re insane,” Natasha said. “It’s a diet, nothing crazy. Hell I’m still eating more then Tony ever does,” 

“Tony’s a freak of nature,” Clint said. “You don’t have to eat them, I’m just going to put them right in front of you,” 

“You’re a horrible person, you know that,” 

\---

“Aw shit I gotta get home,” Bruce said, looking at the clock. 

“It’s only five,” Thor said. 

“Yeah but my dad’s going to get out of work soon and I was suppose to get home once school was out,” Bruce said. 

“You want to just call him?” Thor asked. 

“No I’ll just go,” Bruce said. “Uh- I’ll see you on Monday,” 

“Okay,” thor said. “Let me drive you though,” 

“Oh it’s fine I can walk,” Bruce said. 

“Aw come on,” Thor said. “It’s  _ freezing outside _ at least let me take you to your street,” 

Bruce look at him, before shifting his eyes back to the clock. “Fine,” 

“Yes!” Thor said, pumping his fist. 

“You annoying,” Loki said, looking at Thor with scorn. 

“That’s a lot coming from you mister ‘I stab kids for fun’,” 

“What? He live didn’t he?” Loki asked. 

“You are going to grow up to be a felon,” Thor commended, side eyeing his brother. 

“Da’ sounds fun,” 

“Loki no-” 

“Loki yesss,” Loki said, crossing his arms. 

“Fine, no skin off my back,” Thor said, shrugging. Loki smacked him with a sticky hand. Bruce tuned them out, staring out the window as the houses whizzed past. Thor seemed concerningly nonchalant about the speed limit as he cruised down the street, given that his truck didn’t have any kind of airbags or safety features at all. It barely had seatbelts. 

“This is your place right?” Thor asked, stopping the truck in the middle of the street. 

“I- yeah!” Bruce said nervously, grabbing his backpack while eyeing his dads car in the driveway. “Um… thanks for the ride?” 

“You’re welcome!” Thor said. “Want me to walk you in?” 

“No!” Bruce said quickly, getting a strange look from Thor. “I mean… uh…I gotta go,”

“Okay i’ll see you tomorrow!” Thor said with a grin. 

“Hopefully,” Bruce said, getting out. 

“What-” 

“Bye!” Bruce said, slamming the shiny door and running up to the porch, waving at Thor as he drove off before walking inside, preparing to make a beeline to his room. 

“Where the hell were you?” His father asked, stepping from around the kitchen. They lived in a small rambler, that his father seemed determined to trash apparently. Aside from scattered trash and cracked drywall, there was sticky beer and food scattered everywhere, that always seemed to make a reappearance no matter how many times Bruce cleaned it, so he’d stuck to trying to keep his own room clean and spending as little time around the rest of the house as possible. 

“Sorry I got caught up,” Bruce muttered, looking away. 

“Come here,” His dad said, stepping forward. 

“What-” 

“Come here, I want to smell you and see if you where smoking,” He said. 

“I’ve literally never smoked-” 

“I said come here!” His dad said, jumping forward and grabbing his arm. Instinctively Bruce jumped back, hitting the wall. 

“I’ve got homework I can’t-” 

“Come with me you brat,” His dad said, pulling his across the room. 

“Can I just go do my homework-” 

\---

“I’m not eating the fries Clint,” Natasha said, crossing her arms. “But I do have a meeting to get to, so if you’ll excuse me,” 

“Please Tasha,” Clint asked, giving her puppy dog eyes. Natashas glared at him as she put her stuff back into her backpack. 

“I have to go, my mom’s meeting with this old lady who has a bunch of money and she needs me to sit there and look pretty,” Natasha said. 

“So not a hard job for you then?” Clint asked with a grin. 

“As long as I don’t eat any of your fries,” She shot back. 

“Nat…” 

“Clint,” she said, standing up. “Goodbye,” 

“Don’t I at  _ least _ get a kiss before you go?” Clint asked.

“After you tried to force feed me your weird american sodium sticks?” Natasha asked. 

“Please?” He asked, grinning. 

“Fine,” she said, pecking his cheek.  _ “Goodbye,”  _

\---

“I’m screwed,” Bruce muttered to himself, looking around. It was freezing outside, the ground was frozen solid and it was suppose to snow that night. There was no way his dad was letting him back inside, and the windows where boarded up from inside to make sure he couldn’t get back in. Even if he could have though he wasn’t in the shape to break a window and crawl through it. And even if he could then it would undoubtedly wake his dad up. 

“I knew I should have learned how to pick locks,” he muttered, looking at the front door. Normally he would have huddled up with the dog- Hulk, apparently- to try and stay warm, but he was at Sam’s house. Probably a good thing for the dog, but it was making Bruce’s life a lot harder. At the very least there was a crappy ply wood shelter out back they used for the wood. Bruce picked himself up, wanting to make it over there before the adrenaline wore off and he could  _ really _ start hurting. 

“I guess this isn’t so bad,” Bruce commented, looking around. His dad always worked from the middle out of the wood pile, because he ‘had more patience for wet ass wood at the end of the winter’ so Bruce had climbed up into the hole, which was about up to his chest when he stood up. At least no one would see him here, and the snow would stay off of him. Most animals wouldn’t wast their time trying to get to him either, so that was good. 

“Okay, think,” bruce said, rubbing a hand over his face. He knew he shouldn’t stay out all night, because there was no guarantee if he fell asleep that he wouldn’t get frost bite or something, but his side was starting to hurt more and more with every passing minute and he figured he would soon be hard pressed to find a way out of the wood pile. Unless he found some other way to get inside without walking anywhere his best bet was to stay there for the night, and hope his dad left the door unlocked when he went to work in the morning. That is if he went to work instead of the bar, which only happened about half the time. 

Knowing that he had a better chance of making a good decision with more information, he began the painful and tedious process of checking his injuries. He’d found out that even broken bones where easily hidden by adrenaline when he was younger, so he always checked to make sure he didn’t damage anything further. His legs where pretty much fine except for a few places that where clearly going to bruise by the next morning, and his hands and arms where void of any unusual injuries, but unfortunately that’s where his good luck ran out. 

He cursed under his breath, feeling a rib shift as he touched his side. Not that he was a stranger to injuries by any means, but it didn’t make it any more pleasant. Or less dangerous. According to the one anatomy textbook he’d read for biology and a lot of other stuff he’d read for fun, you can’t do much about a broken rib, except try and keep it from poking a lung out, unless you have a lot of fancy stuff Bruce didn’t have. 

“Really?” Bruce asked… someone, testing the rest of his side. Most of it was painful, and probably all of it was going to bruise, but nothing else felt like a full break, and he was really hoping he was right about that, because setting your own bones is far from fun. Aside from the alarming rate that his ankle seemed to be swelling at, there wasn’t much wrong with him. Relatively speaking. 

“Okay,” He muttered to himself, looking around. “This is fine,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ask and thou shall receive


	33. bruce is screwed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW:   
> There is dark shit in this chapter,  
> and it's going to get darker,   
> if you are triggered by like... anything, I would leave now.

“-is not breakfast Natasha, I could eat like twenty yogurts in ten minutes,” Clint said, narrowing his eyes.

“Thousands of people eat yogurt for breakfast every day Clint,” Natasha said. “Just because you can eat a horse dosn’t mean we all can,” 

“Nat this is ridiculous,” 

“Clint I’m perfectly in balance, I’m getting enough protein, enough calcium, enough vitamins, enough fiber, I’m just eating healthy. If you ate like this it would be a problem, i’m just watching what I eat,” She said. “Now most of the other girls on the team? They have eating disorders,” 

“This feels wrong,” He said. 

“Mhm,” She said, raising a eyebrow. “Come on, we’ve got history first,” 

“I hate history,” Clint said. “It’s over already why do we have to keep dwelling on it?” 

“Haha,” Natasha said dryly. “We have this class with Bruce right? I thought he’d be here by now,” 

“Maybe he’s already in there?” Clint asked. “Doing extra homework or something,” 

“You’d think after the project for today he’d be bored of homework,” Natasha said, making Clint stop in his tracks. “Oh my- you did do the project didn’t you?” 

“There was a project?” Clint asked. 

“Oh boy,” 

\---

“Sir may I add again that this is a bad idea,” Jarvis said. “For your physical and mental wellbeing this is incredibly-” 

“Mute,” Tony said with a wave of his hand. “Wait- unmute. What time is my flight?” 

“A hour and a half, sir this is not-” 

“Okay mute,” Tony said again, and he swore he almost heard Jarvis sigh before going quiet. “Cool. So I’ve got those shipments out, I’ve got the video sent to the FDA for the Epipen, we’ve got the insulin in the market, we’ve finished the shipments of those last machines, I’ve got homework done up until March… I think the only thing left is the stuff with my dad,” He said, rubbing his hands together. “I’m gonna go for a job before I get on the plane, okay Jar?” 

“Of course sir, may I recommend stopping by Bruce Banners house?” Jarvis said. 

“Isn’t everyone in school?” Tony asked. 

“The cameras picked up that Bruce has not left his house sense being dropped off a few days ago, I recommend you check in on him,” Jarvis said. 

“...yeah sure, whatever,” Tony said, putting in his headphones. 

“Sir are headphones the best idea? After the last incident and the new shipments you are in the public eye more then ever-” 

“Jar this town it like… the size of a pinprick on a map, no one here is going to grab me,” He said. 

“They have before,” Jarvis said. 

“And I’m fine, see?” Tony said. 

“Are you sir?” 

Tony paused, looking up at the ceiling. “You know what asshole, I’m going to unplug you if you keep this up,” 

“I’m on your Stark Phone as well sir,” Jarvis said. 

“Whatever,” Tony said, turning on his music. “I’ll check in on Bruce, even though he’s  _ probably _ fine and just… playing hookie with big blondie or something,” 

“Sir…” 

“You’re right he’s probably dead in a ditch somewhere,” 

\---

“This isn’t good,” Bruce muttered. His father had  _ not _ gone to work like he was supposed to, leaving Bruce to deal with the outdoors on his own. As predicted the adrenaline wore off and he was barely able to draw in half a breath before his side throbbed hard enough that he actually  _ listened. _ Part of him was tempted to try and impale his lung, just to see. Would his father figure out what happened? Would he have to go to the hospital? Could it kill him? 

But wishful thinking aside Bruce was far too practical to think that anything would come from it. You can technically live with only one lung, and it wouldn’t be too bad of an injury, because his brain would kick in and stop him before he did enough damage, so it would be six weeks of hell before he was healed. And even if it did kill him it would take forever, and he knew that there were much better methods he’d rather use. Still, it was tempting as he curled against himself in the damp wood pile. Not that it was ever an idea he truly cringed away from, but that was trauma for another day. 

He looked down at his hands, wincing at the harsh lines on his fingers. It looked like he’d twisted something around them until they turned white, which was basically what was happening in his blood vessels right now. A bad sign. No one was really made to sleep outside in the winter in New York, but Bruce was probably one of the least resilient people to try and do so, and his hands had apparently given up. 

“If I get frost bite I’m killing myself,” He muttered. Jokingly of course. Still it was a major issue. If he couldn’t warm his hands up he was actually at risk of his fingers becoming necrotic, but currently the only way to do that was either make his core colder -a bad idea- or try and get inside his house -a even worse idea- or just sit here and hope his dad goes out for a beer run soon. Which was what he was planning on. He was going to work out what he was going to do about water when he was rudely interrupted by a rock firing at his wood pile/hut. 

“What…?” Bruce asked, painfully staggering up to look over. “How- what are you… Tony?” He asked thoroughly confused. Maybe he was hallucinating right now, if he was lucky his dad gave him a brain bleed. 

“Your dad told me you where out back,” Tony said. He was wearing fancy joggers and what was probably a several hundred dollar tee shirt, and cleary looked like he’d been running. “You look like fucking  _ hell _ man what happened?” 

“What? I uh… nothing happened I just… um…” Bruce stumbled, thinking. On the one hand it would be smart of him to talk to Tony and get some help, but Tony was a lose cannon, he could do or say pretty much anything, and honestly he didn’t have the energy for that. Plus, as much as he tried to ignore it, Tony was 12, and he didn’t want to be responsible for his corruption. Not that Tony wasn’t taking care of that on his own. 

“Did  _ you _ get in a fight?” Tony asked. “You have a black eye,” 

“Um… no I… I … fell,” bruce said lamley. Tony was young, he should be easy to lie to. 

“Do you think I’m stupid? Or just distracted?” Tony asked. Okay, maybe not as easy as he had though, but this was still savable. 

“I did I… there’s a banister and I tripped and hit… my eye,” Bruce said. 

“Okay, then strip,” Tony said. 

“I-  _ what? _ No-  _ what?” _ Bruce asked. 

“You said you’re fine, then okay. Strip,” Tony said. 

“No- what? No!” Bruce said.

“Why not? If it’s really just your eye there should be no problem with that, right?” Tony asked. 

“I- I don’t- hold on- no. I’m not  _ taking off  _ my clothes Tony,” Bruce said.

“Ugh, you’re so boring,” Tony said. “How about just your shirt then?” 

_ “No,” _ Bruce said, taking a step back, and tripped on a lose piece of wood, making him fall against the back ‘wall’ of wood with a pained hiss. 

“Fine. Are you still going to be here in… about five minutes?” Tony asked. 

“I plan on it uh… what are you… why?” Bruce asked. 

“Just stay put,” Tony said, putting his earbuds back in and taking of, sprinting up the hill to the left of the rambler while yelling something at his phone. 

“I’m screwed,” Bruce sighed, running a hand through his hair and wincing in pain. He really should try and get that taken care of. 

\---

“Alright, get in,” Tony said, pulling up in his car. Or Bruce assumed it was his car, because it definitely cost more then Bruce’s entire house, although he’d never seen Tony drive it before. 

“Uh…” 

“Come on man, if you won’t take off your clothes then I’m x-raying the shit out of you until I’m satisfied,” He said. 

“Whoa- I- what? Why do you- okay first of all why do you even care? Second I- well I mean, I said it was fine and- I mean this is insane and- what are you-” 

“Get in the car,” Tony said, looking unamused. “I mean it I have a plane to crash- I mean catch,” 

“Forboding,” Bruce said with a smirk. “Is this going to be a repeat of your last drive with me?” 

“I promes I’ll keep my hands on ten and two,” Tony said. 

“I’m not sure that’s my biggest concern,” Bruce said with a half laugh, which he instantly regretted. 

“What do you want me to open the door for you?” Tony asked. Bruce took the hint that Tony was determined, and figured he’d figure out a different way out of this. Hopefully. The car was to nice, as expected, and Tony had his music on loud enough that Bruce could feel it rattling his teeth and made him suddenly aware of his headache. Tony made sharp fast turns up to his house, quick enough to make the trees blur together before pulling in with a screech and the gross smell of burnt rubber. 

“Come on,” Tony said. “I’ve got the machine up here,” 

“I don’t really know why you-” Bruce started. 

“Just… shut up man,” Tony said. “I’m trying to help,” 

“But-” Bruce started, thinking. “I really should get back-” 

“Come on,” Tony said, reaching out to grab Bruce’s arm. Several things happened very quickly, first Bruce flinched away, bumping into Tony’s nice car and making himself cringe, and Tony’s arm struck out, grabbing onto Bruce’s hand and moved to pull him out, and then they both froze. 

“Bruce… what’s wrong with you?” Tony asked.

“I-” Bruce stopped himself before he said something he shouldn't. “I… don’t know,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I warned yah ;)


	34. aw we're screwed arn't we?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ay aaaayyy y'all enjoy!!

“You feel like a corpse,” Tony said, staring at Bruce’s hand. “What happened?”

“What do you mean what happened?” Bruce asked nervously, trying to pull his arm back. “I’m… fine,” 

“Jarvis call…” Tony paused, thinking. “Tell my dad I can’t make it to the city until tomorrow, then call Sam’s mom and ask her to come out here,” 

“What? Why- I don’t want to… uh…” 

“Shut up and follow me,” Tony said, pulling him. 

“Ow,” Bruce muttered under his breath. This was exactly why he hadn’t wanted to get Tony involved, he was unpredictable, and he had a unfortunate habet of focusing on something with lazor focus and not letting things go, which was the opposit of what Bruce was used to. And it made his job of convincing them all he’s fine a lot harder.

Tony pulled him through his nauseatingly extravagant house, past the rooms Bruce had been in before, all the way to the back of the house, with stairs that lead down to a metal door. “Come on man,” 

“What… where are we going?” Bruce asked, wincing at the first step on the stairs. His ankle was still screwed and his side throbbed at the jarring motion. 

“My lab,” Tony said.

“I- your  _ what?” _ Bruce asked. 

“Yeah,” Tony said. “Oh- I have a lab- I thought you knew that?” 

“No…” Bruce said, inhaling sharply -and instantly regretting it- as Tony pulled him down, swinging open the door. 

“Come on,” Tony said, pulling him into a corner of the metal and glass room with a portable x-ray macience. “Stand still,” 

“Don’t you need shields and stuff for this?” Bruce asked, looking around. 

“Eh,” Tony said. “I don’t use it very often. But I’ve dropped my fair share of heavy things on my hands so I like to keep the camera on hand,” 

“I really don’t think that this is so big a-” 

“Okay man shut up now,” Tony said, pressing some buttons until the machine started to make a whirring noise. “Fuck… can you turn to the side?” 

“What? Why? What are you-” 

“I swear I have ball gags here and I’m not afraid to use them,” Tony said. 

“A what?” 

“Turn,” Tony said. Bruce did as he asked, not sure he wanted to hear what else Tony might say. Tony kept cursing under his breath while pressing things that made the machine wize around Bruce. “Jar what do you think?” 

“I would recommend the treatment of a medical profetinal-” Jarvis said. 

“No. I’m not going to the ER,” Bruce said. 

“This is pretty bad man,” Tony said. 

“I’ll… I’ll leave,” bruce said. 

“You’ll what?” Tony asked. 

“I’ll leave,” Bruce said, crossing his arms nervously. “Listen I- just not the hospital, okay?” 

“Fine dude,” Tony said. “But Sam’s mom is on her way, because… well I don’t actually know why I called her, I guess she probably knows what to do or something, but she might make you,” 

“I  _ can’t _ go to the hospital,” Bruce said. 

“...fine,” Tony said, crossing his arms. “Go stand on that X over there,” 

“What?” Bruce asked. 

“The X, stand on it,” Tony said, shoving him. 

“Ow- okay,” Bruce said, walking over. “What’s uh… what is this?” 

“Portable MRI,” Tony said. “I’m trying to market them for people to take with EMT’s and such for mass trama’s,” 

“Okay… uh… why are you using it on  _ me?” _ Bruce asked, twisting his hands. 

“Because your whole life seems to be a mass trama,” 

\---

“I just got a phone call from Tony’s robot,” Sam’s mom said. “So I’m driving out there okay? I’ll be back soon, I might have children with me,” 

“Okay,” Paul said. “Want me to make dinner?” 

“It depends, are you going to make dinner or are you going to order a pizza?” She asked with a grin. 

“I’ll have dinner here,” Paul amended. 

“Fine. I’ll keep you updated okay, and let Sam know where I am,” she said. 

“Okay dear,” He said. “Quick question-” 

“No pizza,” She said. 

“...fine,” He said. “I’ll see you later?” 

“Sure,” She said, stepping out the door and into her honda accord, before painstakingly keying in the directions to Tony’s house. It was -by design- the hardest house to get to. Distance wise it wasn’t to bad, but it was up a very steep and twisty hill, which apparently was supposed to make it harder to rob. So far all it had done was make her slightly carsick. 

Pulling into the extravagant driveway, she sighed, seeing the front door wide open. Given how cautious Tony’s parents where to try and keep him safe, he clearly was less concerned. Following his robots instructions, she walked down to the area with descending metal stairs, and followed them into a workshop area.

“Hello?” she called, looking around. Tony popped up from around a particularly heavy piece of machinery, which sorta looked like a huge microscope. 

“Hi!” Tony said. “Thank you for coming,” 

“Sure, what’s going on?” She asked, tilting her head. 

“There’s something wrong with Bruce,” Tony said. “I don’t really know what’s wrong with him exactly, but there’s something weird going on,” 

“Okay,” She said. “Start with just… what happened?”

“I don’t know. I was in the lab and then Jar told me that I should go check on him and he was outside and- I don’t even really know what happened there was alot going on, I think his rib is broken,” He said. 

“Okay. Where is he?” She asked. 

“Oh he’s on the ground, I drugged him,” Tony said. 

“You  _ what?” _ She asked. 

“What? First of all he’s in a constent state of panic, and he wasn’t going to let me do anything to help him or take him to the hospital,” 

So you drugged him without his concent?” she asked. 

“He dosn’t turn 16 for a few months, technically he  _ can’t _ consent,” Tony said. 

“Oh boy,”

\---

“No-  _ Skyla keep your form _ do you want to break your neck?” Natasha yelled, startling the flyer. “We’ve practiced this a million times you have  _ no _ excuse for being this far behind,” 

“Sorry,” the girl -skyla- muttered, climbing down. 

“I don’t care if you’re sorry or not, I care that you don’t die and traumatize the entire school because of your sloppy form,” Natasha said. “Fine- okay everyone take a water break and  _ stretch _ ,” 

_ “OKAY GUYS THAT’S OUR QUE!” _ Someone yelled over the loud speaker, startling the team. 

“What the hell…” Natasha asked, looking around, before spotting  _ something _ going on up by the bleachers. “Oh boy,” 

“We brought snacks!” Clint said, grinning, along with the rest of the football team, save Steve and Bucky. 

“No-” 

_ “And _ because you guys think you can’t cheer if you eat them, we’re going to prove you wrong,” He said. 

“Clint I swear-” Natasha started, interrupted by the girls cheering. “Really?” She yelled over them. “Thor you to?” 

“Wait until you see the dance,” Clint said. 

“The  _ what?” _

“Well we figured that if we showed you how well  _ we _ can cheer after eating junk, then you guys would do it to!” Clint said.  _ “Come on guys!” _ He yelled, causing the team to cheer. 

“This is insane,” Natasha said, facepalming. 

“Look we even got the mascote,” Clint said, pointing to Wade in his slug outfit. “He’d the DJ,” 

“I have a headache,” Natasha said, rubbing her temples. “Dare I ask why you are wearing trench coats?” 

“Oh- I am  _ so _ glad you asked,” 

\---

“Alright, so here’s the thing,” Tony said, sitting on the counter. “I promised him we wouldn’t take him to a hospital,” 

Darline stoped, blinking. “Why… would you do that?”

“He made me promise,” Tony said. “I think because they would have to tell his dad,” 

“Why do you think that?” She asked, leaning forward. 

“Well it’s not exactly a puzzle is it?” Tony asked. “I mean I found him asleep outside in the middle of winter with broken ribs and about a million fractures, what do  _ you _ think happened?” 

“Alright alright,” She said, crouching down to look at Bruce. “Paul’s a doctor, I can call him out to take a look,”

“Isn’t he a nero surgeon?” Tony asked. 

“Yes but he works in the ER and helps with some of the trauma cases,” She said. “Besides they still have to have basic knowledge. 

“Okay,” Tony said. “He shouldn’t wake up for several hours, but before he does you should take a look at his abdomen,” 

“Why?” She asked. 

“It’s… surprising,” Tony said. 

“Alright, I texted Paul but he said that there’s something ‘time sensitive’ going on, he wants to know how likely it is we can move him,” 

“As long as his ribs protected I don’t see why not,” Tony said. “We don’t have to do it though. Jar get that stretcher in here!” Tony yelled at the ceiling. 

“The what?” She asked. 

“Oh- it’s this new thing I’m working on. It’s to help nurses and EMTs with overweight patients so that they don’t have to just lift them on their own, but it also helps to stabilise and such. Plus it floats so no risk at jostling anything,” 

“Wait- how? I- uh… how?”She asked. 

“Basic levitating tech,” Tony said. “Come on, I’m worried about this position for him and if he starts dying I’d like to not be in a car,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know, 'basic levitating tech' right?? 
> 
> the next chapter is going to be a fun one so keep a eye out for it ;)


	35. It's all going down hill...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is gunna be a fun one ;)

“This kid should be in the hospital,” Paul muttered. They’d cleared off the dining room table at Pauls request and kicked out all the kids to the basement to watch a movie, except of course for Bruce. “I don’t usually do  _ abdominal _ trauma,” 

“I know,” Darlein said. “But you know more then I do, and if you don’t do it then Tony’s going to try and do something crazy and I don’t think either of us want that,” 

“How did this happen again?” Paul asked. 

“Well no one explained it clearly to me, but according to Tony he found him outside of his house all beat up and freezing,” she said. “He couldn’t get much out of him but apparently he was pretty freaked and didn’t want to come with Tony,” 

“Why wouldn’t he wanna come with Tony?” Paul asked. “He already has frost bite on his hands. I don’t think anything is necrotic but this isn’t good,” 

“That’s what I’m worried about,” Darlein said. “I’m more then happy to help him, but I have a feeling he dosn’t want it,” 

“Alright,” Paul said, sighing. “We need to get this sweater off,” 

“Can we pull it over his head?” Darlein asked. 

“I doubt it,” Paul said. “Not with his rib,” 

“I feel bad cutting his clothing,” Darline said. 

“You’ll feel worse if he pierces his lung,” Paul said, grabbing the kitchen shears and cutting from the neckline down. Which revealed he was wearing at least three thick sweaters, causing the shears to struggle. 

“Holy shit,” Darline said as Paul tried to rip the rest of the clothing off. His entire chest and abdomen was marbled with bruises, which were the most concentrated on the side of his broken rib, along with random thin scars scattered across his body. There where a few places where something blunt had broken the skin and lead to some nasty cuts. Almost none of his olive skin was visible under the heavy bruises, and his ribs where clearly visible. 

“This kid looks like he was a prisoner of war,” Paul said. “I don’t want to toutch anything here, he’s so beat up there’s no telling what kind of internal damage is going on. I could try and put his rib back but that wont do much if something ruptured his spleen,”

“Don’t worry about that,” Darline said, reaching into her purse without taking her eyes off of Bruce. “Tony has scans. MRI, PT, X-ray and CAT,” 

“These children are making me tired,” 

\---

“Well that was… a impressive argument,” The coach said after watching the football teams second performance. “Although I do want to know where did you get the outfits?”

“These where the ones made for the plus size campaign a few years ago after that one girl died from a eating disorder but then they got bullied so bad that they all quit the team anyway. Steve was the only one that could get on a normal uniform,” Clint said pointedly. 

“Speaking of where is Steve?” Natasha asked. 

“Him and Bucky are ‘doing some homework’ at his house,” Clint said. 

“Oh, I see-  _ Makaylah get away from that football player!” _ Natasha interrupted herself, turning around. A few girls in perticuter where prone to… distractions. Especially where football was concerned. 

“Brad she’s 14 get away!” Clint yelled at about the same time, startling the two. “Anyway, Coach do you think after that  _ stunning _ performance, you would consider taking back their crazy diets? Look at us, we look great! And we don’t diet at all, right Thor?” 

“I have never dieted before in my life,” Thor agreed. “Frankly it sounds like hell,” 

“And even the mascote is on our side,” Clint said. 

“Well as… compelling a defence as that is, I think that watching out for the girls health is one of my jobs,” The cheer coach said. 

“Fine. In that case…” Clint said.  _ “Plan B guys!”  _

“Oh no what’s plan B?” Natasha said, rubbing her temples. “Another flash mob?”

“As of right now we’re going on strike from academics and football until the cheer team is given a healthy diet,” 

\---

“Okay well his rib is back in place, there isn’t much we can do for it. We would normally ice it but he’s practically hypothermic at this point,” Paul said. 

“Poor kid,” Darline said, smoothing back his hair. “Should we move him by the fire, help him heat up a bit?” 

“I don’t know,” Paul said. “I can call one of my nurses. I bet you anything they know how to deal with this better then me,” 

“Yes do that,” Darline said. “We should keep him here for a few nights,” 

“That might not be the best idea,” Tony said, appearing in the doorway. 

_ “Tony _ you are not suppose to see this,” Darline said, moving to shoo him out. 

“What? Bruce looking like a marbled stake? I was the one who told you to check his abdomen,” Tony said. “Just don’t look at his arms. No that’s not the problem, but I have some pulled footage from Bruce’s house that I think you should see,” 

“I- okay Paul are you good here?” Darline asked. Paul gave her a thumbs up, already on the phone. “Fine- okay let’s go into the living room and you can show me what you have,” 

Tony rolled his eyes, grabbing a device out of his pocket. “Fine, shield my eyes. Here’s what I have so far,” He said, pressing a couple buttons until a grainy image was projected up from the phone, which he put on the coffee table. “I rigged a few bugs to go into his home once I found him, but until he goes back we won’t know anything concrete. Look here though, on the footage you can see Thor dropping him off outside right?” 

“Mhm,” Darline said. 

“Bruce is already clearly worried at this point- I mean he’s alway worried, but he’s worried about his dad, see his reaction to his fathers car being in the driveway?” 

“Yeah,” Darline said, staring at the grainy footage. 

“Well I remember from Thor trying to invite him to a football game a few weeks back that he said he’s suppose to be home immediately after school. Now his dad wouldn’t have known that school was cut in half that day for some maintenance. We all went off and did stuff, clearly Bruce and Thor hung out, but look at the time stamp here,” He said, pointing. 

“Where are you going with this?” Darline asked. 

“He got home that day at 3:47. School would usually let out at 3:30, and it’s a ten minute walk from his house to the school,” 

“So as far as his dad knew he was only seven minutes late?” Darline asked. 

“Exactly,” Tony said. “So taking  _ that _ into consideration, I really don’t think that he would take to kindly to Bruce playing hookie for a few days. That’s why he didn’t want me to pick him up,” 

“Alright,” Darline said, rubbing her forehead. “Well thank you for showing me this,” 

“Of course. Listen is it okay if I take off? I have to go to the city today and i’m already late,” Tony said. 

“Who’s taking you?” She asked raising a eyebrow. 

“I don’t need a  _ escort _ the airports really close,” Tony said. “Twenty minutes at most,” 

“That’s a forty minute drive,” darline said. 

“...how fast are  _ you _ driving?” 

“I- this… I can’t deal with this right now,” Darline said, rubbing her forehead. “Okay- no you stay here while I try and figure this out,” 

“Well tell me when you need sudjustions,” Tony said. “I have a lot, for example, you could all be held at gunpoint,” 

“Oh boy,” 

\---

“Alright well I talked to Margie the nurse, she said that if we can be  _ sure _ that the worst thing is the rib then we should just focus on warming him up,” Paul said. 

“Tony just showed me some footage, he dosn’t think we can keep him here overnight safely,” She said. “This whole thing started because Bruce was a tiny bit late,” 

“Well we can’t send him back there,” Paul said. 

“I  _ know _ that,” Darline said, shaking her head. “But if we keep him for awhile then it’s going to be  _ a lot worse,”  _

“But just sending him back? That’s like sending a cow to the slaughter house,” Paul said. “Maybe we could admit him to the hospital and hope they keep him long enough that we can get CPS involved,” 

“He’s still 15 he can’t make his own medical decisions. If his dad wants to check him out there’s nothing that he could do,” Tony chimed in from the door. 

“Tony-” Darline started,” 

“I know I broke the rules. Shocker,” Tony said, hopping on on their counter. “Listen man, I think I have a idea that will actually help you out, but it’s not the most… concervitive idea,” 

“What is it?” Paul asked. Before Tony could answer, someone pulled into the driveway, startling everyone. 

“He’s here,” Tony said with a grin. 

“What- Tony what are you doing?” Darline asked. Tony went to go get the door, coming back a moment later with Wade. “Oh hi Wade,” 

“As of right now we’re kidnapping you,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I bet y'all didn't expect that one. Lemme know if there's any plot lines you want to see here, and also, if you missed it, I posted a oneshot baised off of the new WandaVision show, so go check that out ;)


	36. And they all lived happily ever after... right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy!

_ “What?” _ Darline asked. 

“Here’s a gun,” Tony said, handing Wade a gun. “Look, if we’re being kidnapped then the police can’t intervene because it’s a hostage situation. Currently my demands are that Bruce be given proper medical attention, his CPS case is brought back up for reevaluation, and that you continue giving him first aid here,” 

“I’m demanding mexican food,” Wade said, picking up their phone. 

“Whoa whoa whoa,” Paul said. “Guys there’s a lot we can do before- this is a felony!” 

“Dude, I have more money then you can even  _ fathom, _ ” Tony said. “And I mean like, I can buy an island on a whim, kinda money. The law doesn't apply to me anymore,” 

“That’s not how the law works,” Darline said. 

“That’s not how the law  _ should _ work,” Tony said. “My father gets people arrested for looking at him wrong, and his buddy started a human trafficking ring and got off with two weeks of community servese,” 

“Whoa-” 

“Look man, this probably won’t even get brought up, don’t worry about it,” Tony said. “Besides, we’re not being kidnapped by  _ Wade,”  _

“Then who are we being kidnapped by?” Darline asked, rubbing her temples. 

“Uh, hold on,” Wade said, putting the handgun under his arm to pull out his phone. “Clint’s brother  _ Barny Barton _ \- holy fuck what a name. Anyway, Clint hates his guts so if shit hits the fan we’re framing him. Do you guys want mexican food?” 

“...no,” Darline said. “Okay this… you two get out. Wade order enough to share with people okay?” 

“Yes ma’am,” Wade said, saluting her and picking back up the phone as he walked out. “No- five orders of churros, fucking get this right man,” 

\---

Worried about accidentally  _ cooking _ bruce, he had been transferred to the living room sofa -instead of the fireplace- and covered in several heavy blankets and left to be watched by the kids while Darline and Paul ‘discussed things’ in the kitchen. They had been instructed to get them if Bruce woke up or got worse, but to leave him alone. Which they where absolutely doing. 

“This feels a little mean,” Sam commented as Wade pulled out the markers. 

“Aw come on man, they’re washable,” Tony said. “What’s he going to do? Get mad at us?”

“...yes?” Sam asked. 

“Come on, he’s like a church mouse, he won’t do anything,” Tony said. “Pass me the butterfly clips- hey did you hear about the stunt Clint and the team pulled earlier?” 

“No what did they do?” Sam asked. Wade laughed next to him, shaking his head. 

“The entire football team is on strike until the cheer team gets taken off their crazy crash diet,” Tony said. “From sports and school. Which normally they wouldn’t care about, but a few months ago my dad pulled their funding because he was… well I don’t actually know why. But the point is the school is screwed without it’s sports teams, so we’ll see how long they hold out,” 

“There was a flash mob to,” Wade said. 

“Why does all the fun stuff happen when we arn’t there?” Sam asked. 

_ “This  _ is the fun stuff,” Tony said. “You’re a hostage, remember?” 

“Ah, yes,” Sam said. “I’m terrified. Hey do you think if we slapped him hard enough he would wake up?” Sam asked, pointing to Bruce. 

“Eh, hairline fracture on his jaw,” Tony said. “If you can take the risk of breaking it I’m sure the pain would startle him,” 

“Fine,” Sam said, grabbing Bruce’s hand and a marker. “What should I draw?” 

“Penis,” Wade said. 

“No,” Sam said, shaking his head. “I’m going to doodle Hulk, hand me the green,” 

“So how did you memorize all the choreography?” Tony asked, drawing a Yin Yang on Bruce’s ankle. 

“Oh well Clint stole the routine booklet, they’ll never fucking notice because Natasha has everything in that book tattooed into her damn brain,” Wade said as Sam took away his marker. “Hey!” 

“Where you going to draw genitalia?” Sam asked. 

“Well yes but I was also going to draw a churro,” Wade said. 

“I’m giving it back so you can draw a churro,” Sam said. “Nothing  _ else,” _

“Sure,” Wade said, winking. 

\---

Bruce blinked his eyes open, trying to look around. He wasn’t at home, or anywhere he really knew, but he was warm. It took him a few minutes to realise that there where other people in the room with him. He very slowly tried to look to the side and see who else was there. 

“Hey look,” Someone said, poking his cheek. “It lives,” 

“Aren't we supposed to tell someone?” Someone else asked. Bruce tried to lift his arm to batt away someone’s hand from his hair, before realising someone had taken off his shirt. Or- multiple shirts. He quickly lowered his arm, trying to blink away the fogginess in his vision before realising he didn’t have his glasses. 

“M’need glasses,” Bruce muttered, looking around at the blurry blobs that where talking to him. 

“Oh boy,” someone muttered. The darker one. “Wade did you get them out of the fish tank?” 

“Yes he did but Hulk is guarding them with his life,” Another one said. “I’ll go get them,” 

“Let’s hope they’re intact,” The first one said. Bruce tried to open his mouth again but pain shot through the side of his head, making him close it again. Black spots swam in front of his vision for a few seconds, as he waited, trying to keep himself from getting sick while the world tilted around him. 

“Here,” Someone put them on his face, patting his shoulder.

“Ow,” Bruce muttered, leaning away. His vision was slightly better but his glasses were so smugged at this point that it didn’t really matter. He slowly reached up, taking them off and rubbing them on the blanket. 

“Hey mom Bruce is awake!” Sam yelled. Bruce was able to see them now, although the light was almost blinding him. 

“What’s going on?” Bruce muttered, propping himself up. 

“Shouldn’t do that,” Tony commented. “You’ve got a broken rib, cracked collarbone, skull fractures, and about a million other things,” Tony said. “But  _ no _ don’t worry, no doctors,” 

“I needa go home,” Bruce muttered, sitting up and blinking. 

“No no no no you don’t,” Darline said, walking through the door. “You aren't going anywhere, Boys get out,” 

“But I’m not done yet,” Wade said, as he tried to turn his churro drawing into a penis. 

_ “Wade Wilson I think you are” _ She said, ‘helping’ him up and pushing him out the door. “You two as well,”

“But-” 

“Samual,” She said, putting a hand on her hip. 

“Yeah okay,” Sam said. Tony followed them out with less protest, already talking about his newest invention. 

“Sorry about that Bruce,” she said. “Tony’s trying to work out a legal thing and he needed Wade,” 

“...great,” Bruce said, rubbing her forehead. “Where’s my shirt?”

“Paul cut it off, we were worried about your spine,” She said. “I brought you one of Sam’s you can have,” 

“Thanks,” Bruce said, sitting up and quickly pulling the long sleeve on with a wince. He wasn’t used to wearing shirts that were so thin, but it was much better then having nothing. 

“Look, we’re going to try and keep you with us for the next few days, okay?” Darline said. “We haven't heard anything from your father yet, but Tony’s ‘kidnapping’ us with Wade so if he tries to get involved they’ll call the police and say you’re a ‘hostage’. Not the most thought out plan but we should be able to keep you safe until I can get some legal stuff in motion okay?” 

Bruce nodded, putting his head in his hands. He was to tired to really process all of what she was saying, but he had a sinking feeling it was going to come back to bite him later. “I should probably go though-” 

“No, you’re going to stay here,” She said. 

“But-” 

“I know you’re dad’s going to be mad, but that’s not our biggest concern right now,” She said. 

“No really he’s-” 

“No really we can handle it,” she said, interrupting him again. “We’ve got a few spare rooms we can set up for you, and we’ve got food if you’re hungry,” 

“Really-” 

“Bruce,” She said, grabbing him by the shoulders. “We’re going to keep you here because we don’t trust your dad,” Bruce opened his mouth again, when they where interrupted by someone knocking on the door. He jumped, looking over the sofa to the entrance. Paul yelled that he had it, and before long he heard the door open and small talk ensue. 

“I should really get going,” Bruce muttered, rubbing his face. 

“Bruce,” Darline said. “We’re not letting you go until we think it’s safe,” 

“It’s safe,” Bruce muttered. 

“I’m going to go talk to Paul,” Darline said, giving him a look. She left, leaving Bruce alone to think. There was no way he was getting out of this without people figuring out what was going on, but he couldn’t risk staying here, just in case he did end up back with his dad. On the other hand their fireplace was very tempting and his hands where still painfully cold. He leaned forward on the couch, moving the blanket they’d put on him to drape over his shoulders. He still felt like hell, but at least he could think a little clearer. 

“That was just a salesman,” Paul said, walking in loudly. “Hey Bruce, nice to meet you again,” Bruce smiled tightly at him, nodding his head. “Look we’ve got a guest bedroom set up for you, but your friends found out that somethings up and have been contacting us nonstop. If you’re feeling up for it I was thinking about inviting them over?” 

“Uh...sure?” Bruce said, shrugging. “I mean if you want to,” 

“I think it would be a good idea,” Paul said. “Their pretty upset, and then after that you can rest for awhile,”

“Okay,” Bruce muttered. Paul looked at him for a second, before sitting down on the other side of the sofa. 

“Listen kid, I don’t need to know what all went down, and I’m sure you don’t want to talk about it, but anything you  _ do _ tell us is going to make it easier to keep you away from that guy,” Paul said. “It dosn’t have to be now, but if you think of anything…” 

Bruce looked at him, bouncing his knee up and down, before looking back away. “I’m fine at my house,” 

Paul sighed, standing up. “Alright. But if you do-” 

“I’ll let you know,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think some of y'all are enjoying this plotline a little TO MUCH ;) 
> 
> but it's going to be fine now :) 
> 
> ...right?


	37. I say what I say

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy ;)

“You’re pathetic,” Loki lisped at Thor from where he was coloring disturbing things in the back of Thor’s history notebook. 

“I’m just… worried about a friend Lokes. I mean you’d be sad if something happened to one of your friends right?” 

“I don’ have friends,'' Loki said, grabbing the black crayon. “And you  _ wiiiiiiike _ Bruce,” He said. 

“I do  _ not,''  _ Thor said. “We’re just friends. And you  _ do _ have friends Loki, you just aren't nice to them,” 

“Natasawa isn’t nice to anyone but you’re friends,” Loki said. 

“Yes life won’t work out for you the same way it will for Nat, she’s a pretty russion immigrant who can manipulate you in the blink of an eye,” Thor said. “You’re a slimy mistake of evolution,” 

“Fuc’ off,” Loki said, batting him away. 

“I told you we don’t use words like that,” Thor said, scowling at Loki.

“Did I  _ studda?” _ Loki asked, looking at him. 

“I knew I shouldn’t have let you watch the office,” Thor said, rubbing his forehead. 

“Or cable,” Loki said, sticking out his tongue. 

“Screw you,” Thor said. “Be quiet I’m on the phone,” 

“Where the phone?” Loki asked. 

“In my hand,” Thor said. 

“Oh,” Loki said. “Where is it now?” 

“Hush,” Thor said, lightly placing his hand over Loki’s mouth. “Hi! Paul, I’m just wondering if there are any updates on Bruce or if there’s anything I can do to help. Thanks let me know,” He said, hanging up. 

“He din’ answer did he?” Loki asked. 

“Well he’s busy Lokes,” Thor said. 

“To busy for you,” Loki said. 

“Yeah he’s helping Bruce,” Thor said.

“You really wike bruce huh,” Loki lisped. 

“I’m going to put you in time out,” 

\---

“Sir you have an incoming call from Obi,” Jarvis pipped up from Tony’s phone. 

“Aw shit- I was supposed to fly out and do a PR piece with him,” Tony said, standing up. “I’ve gotta take this,” Darline shot him a dubious look, but allowed him to run out to the front porch. “Obi! How’s it going?” 

“Where are you?” Obi asked over the phone. “We were supposed to be here an hour ago, I look like a idiot standing up on stage by myself,” 

“Sorry obes a emergency came up, I can’t make it out for a few days,” Tony said. 

“What could be more important then this? You made a promise Tony,” Obi said, raising his voice. 

“I’m sorry you need the child to carry the interview for you,” Tony said. “But if you where such bad PR I don’t know why you’re their in the first place,” 

“You know why Tony, the media likes you to have a adult with you-” 

“Yeah the only time I have a adult with me, when the cameras turn on. Look man, tell them that my  _ tummy _ hurts or something, I don’t care,” 

“This is so unfair to me that you-” 

“I have shit to deal with man,” Tony said. “Shit a lot bigger then the interview you’re whining about. Now if you have something  _ important _ to tell me you better spit it out because I’m ten seconds away from blocking your number,” 

“You’re such a flighty person you know that,” Obi said, lowering his voice. “I doubt that’ll look good on the company when it’s yours,” 

“Well luckily we’re far away from that happening anytime soon,” Tony said. “Goodbye,” 

“Wait Tony-” Obi said, stopping Tony from ending the call. “You never know, you might be closer then you think,” 

“...what’s that suppost to mean?” Tony asked, furrowing his brow. “Do you know something?” 

“The universe is a unpredictable place-” 

“No none of that bullshit. What do you know about my parents?” Tony asked, raising his voice. 

“I just know that we don’t know what tomorrow holds-” 

“You sound like a fucking five dollor fortion teller man, just tell me if you know something or not,” Tony said. 

“I just know it’s always good to be prepared,” Obi sai finally. 

“Obi-” 

“Goodbye Tony,” Obi said, ending the phone call. 

“What the  _ fuck _ was that,” Tony muttered, shaking his head. He pulled the door open, seeing Darline and Paul talking to each other in the kitchen. 

“Tony we’re worried about-”

“Sorry about that, I had some stuff to work out,” Tony said, walking back inside and jumping on the counter. “Do you want me to pick up everyone? Thor said he can take on person but I don’t know how Steve and Bucky can get here,” 

“Uh- you know what fine, just don’t die,” Darline said. 

“Wait- arn’t you 12?” Paul asked. 

“I’ve heard it all before buddy,” Tony said, grabbing his keys. “I’ll be right back,”

\---

Darline hadn’t given the others much information when they arrived, still trying to give Bruce a  _ little _ bit of privacy, but she figured that they would be caught up just fine between Wade, Tony, and Sam. She’d ushered everyone downstairs, including Bruce, and set them up with a Disney movie, so her and Paul could talk for awhile without having to worry about anyone overhearing. 

“So what are we going to do?” Paul asked, rubbing his eyes. “We can’t just send him back,” 

“But he’s still in his dads custody, if we keep him here not only could we be charged with kidnapping or something, and besides, who knows what would happen to the kid if he ends up back there,” She said, sitting down on one of the big chairs by the fire. “He’s not a dog,” 

“Speaking of, Hulk seemed thrilled to see Bruce again,” Paul said. When they’d left the basement the dog was trying to sit as close as humanly possible to Bruce, licking his ear. 

“Bella’s probably happy for a break,” Darline said, laughing. Bella lifted her head sleepily, hearing her name, before going back to sleep. Hulk had been enjoying having a playmate, but Bella was missing out on a lot of her nap time because of it. 

“Maybe we could talk to his dad, he’ll let us keep him for awhile and we could start a custody battle?” Paul asked. 

“No way,” Darline said. “He might not take care of his son, but that dosn’t mean he dosn’t love him, in some kind of twisted way. Even if he dosn’t he’s not going to want Bruce here, ready to tell us everything that’s happening over there,” She said, running a hand through her hair. “Abuse thrives in silence. As soon as someone starts talking it all falls apart,” 

“What if we said he had a school trip?” Paul said. 

“Wouldn’t look good in court,” Darline said. 

“His injuries are bad enough, maybe we could have him put in the hospital and start the CPS stuff while he’s still admitted. That should keep him protected-” 

“Until his father checks him out AMA,” Darline said. Paul sighed, resting his face on the table. 

“There has to be something we can do,” He said. “I mean we can’t just… leave him,” 

“Maybe we can find a way to make sure he’s okay while living there,” Darline said. “Just like… stop by and… bring him food. I have connections to the Family Law section, maybe we can get some kind of hearing speed up. Especially if we’re willing to foster him,” 

“Isn’t his dad a cop?” Paul asked. “Will that have any kind of impact on the case?” 

“No one’s above the law,” Darline said. “Actually… Tony might be above the law, but Bruce’s father certainly isn’t,” 

“Well we can hope,” Paul said, pulling out his phone and typing in something. “This said that a investigation will start within 24 hours of a report, and if they can prove signs of child abuse or neglect-” 

“Which they should have no problem doing,” Darline siad. 

“Then they should be able to remove the child,” Paul finished.

“As long as they can prove who is abusing him,” Darline added. 

“Well there’s no question in that,” Paul said. “I mean- there can’t be, right?” 

\---

“Th’t your embarrassing me,” Loki said, hiding his face in his jacket. 

“It’s  _ Thor,” _ Thor said. “With a ‘R’. And you are way to young to be this cynical,” 

“Why are you so  _ smiley?” _ Loki asked. 

“What?” thor asked. “I’m not smiling,” 

“Not smiling,  _ smiley,” _ Loki said. 

“I- do you mean happy?” Thor asked. 

“Yess,” loki lisped. 

“Well I am happy,” Thor said. “We’re going over to Sam’s house. And we’re lucky we’re still invited after the stunts you pulled last time,” 

“Bu’ I like stabbing,” Loki pouted. 

“Yes you made that incredibly clear to  _ everyone,” _ Thor said, scooping him up. “Let’s go,” 

“Is dis because  _ Bruuuuce _ is gonna be there?” Loki asked.

“I was serious about the duct tape thing,” Thor said.

“I say what I say,” Loki said, crossing his arms. 

“It’s ‘I said what I said’ buddy,” 

“I say what I say,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> noooooooo forshadowing here, no sir


	38. Loki no stabbing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> stabby stabby

Everyone had been sent down to the basement with snacks and instructions to watch something happy, while Darline took Loki to the living room with her, where she dragged out some of Sam’s old toys. Loki took particular interest in the cooking set. 

“Do you like cooking Loki?” Darline asked, watching him closely examin the plastic knife. 

“No,” Loki said. He grabbed a reusable grocery bag and put the knife in it. He stood up and walked over to the blocks. “I taking what I use,” 

“And what do you use knifes for?” Darline asked. 

“Stabby,” Loki said simply, adding a heavy wooden block.

_ “Nooo,” _ Darline said. 

“But I wike the stabby,” Loki said simply. 

“And… who do you stab?” She asked 

“Thot,” Loki said. 

“Thor?” She asked. 

“Thot?” Loki asked, tilting his head. 

“Thor,” Darline said. “Th-  _ or _ ,” 

“Thot,” Loki said. 

“No- no ‘T’ Loki, it has a ‘R’ at the end.  _ Thor _ ,”

“I know,” Loki said. 

“What do you mean?” She asked. 

“I can say Thor,” Loki said. Darline blinked at him, momentarily lost for words. 

“Then… Why don’t you call him Thor?” Darline asked. 

“Have you  _ seen _ him?” Loki said. 

“I-” Darline paused, looking to Paul, who had been reading a book, but was now trying to not die of laughter. 

“I mean he’s not  _ wrong,”  _

_ “Paul!”  _

\---

Tony glanced down at his phone as the TV screen flicked across images of some Pixar movie that he wasn’t paying attention to. He kept his phone on silent so it didn’t buzz every two seconds, but a notification he hadn’t seen before caught his eye. 

“Shit- I gotta go,” Tony said, standing up. 

“Will you be back?” Natasha asked, intreaded. 

“Uh, well if I come back you’ll know,” Tony said, walking out the door before anyone could fit a word in edgewise. He speed walked out the house, waving to Darline as he walked. 

“I do the stab,” Loki said loudly. 

“Good job buddy,” Tony said, closing the front door behind him as he pressed the call button. 

“Obi speaking-” 

“Obi  _ what the hell? _ What happened to those shipments? This said that all of my shipments are ‘on hold until further instruction,’ what the hell does that-”

“Tony me and your parents are concerned at how fast you are getting this stuff out, it’s nothing personal-” 

“There are  _ fifteen _ hospitals on that list, who took in patients  _ only because _ I was sending them my equipment, how are you going to tell them that because-” 

“Look it’s not that simple Tony you’re in danger, there are some very serious people who want-” 

“-me dead? Yeah I know because there is  _ always _ someone  _ very dangerous _ or  _ very serious _ who wants me dead, thats kinda the whole reason I’m living in the security tower  _ thing _ -” 

“Look you need to make it to the city as soon as you can,” Obi said. 

“Look there is a bit of a emergency going on right now with one of my friends, I’m sticking around to make sure things don’t-” 

“Who is it?” Obi asked. 

“Who- none of your damn business is who,” Tony said. “If I told you you’d probably throw him into space or something, because it was a ‘distraction’ or something,” 

“Tony we’re worried about you being responsible and staying focused-” 

“I don’t give a shit!” Tony yelled. “I’ll just fix the orders myself,” 

“Well your father put a emergency hold, as far as they know the tech is flawed-” Obi started.

“No I don’t care. I’ll call the shipment handlers myself and explain what happened-” 

“Well then we’ll turn off your phone-” 

“Who the hell is we? What did you join a weird cult or something? What the hell is going on?” Tony asked, exasperated. 

“Me and your parents Tony-” 

“Yeah speaking of my parents, why are  _ you _ always the one to talk to me. Where they ever alive or are they just mythical beings, because right now one is looking a lot more likely-” 

“Tony have some respect-” 

“Why should I?” Tony asked. “All you do is interrupt my perfectly good life and fuck everything up! I’m done with this shit. I’m flying out and we’re going to get my orders going, and then I’m going to figure out why the  _ hell  _ you thouhgt you had the right to cancel them in the first place!” 

“Tony you’re being irrational,” Obi said. “Slow down, you’re starting to sound like my girlfriend,” 

“Goodbye Obi,” Tony said, hanging up. He pinched the bridge of his nose, scowling at the side of Sam’s house for a minute, before stepping off the porch and grabbing his keys out of his pocket. He was halfway to his car before he was stopped. 

_ “Tony!” _ Paul said, stepping out the door. “Hey I’ll drive you, where are you going?” 

“Airport, it’s fine,” Tony said, giving him a stressed half-smile. “I’ve got a situation to deal with in the city. My dad’s friend has gone rouge, canceled all of my shipments. Thanks though!” He said, moving to get in his car. 

“I know you can drive but I don’t really think that it’s the safest,” Paul said. 

“Look man I’ve gotta go, I appreciate it,” Tony said, stepping into the car.

“Tony I really don’t think that this is-”

“Look dude, I get it, you’ve got to be responsible, stop the ‘little kid’ from speeding off on a joy ride or whatever, but I have to go, so go ahead and do your good deed somewhere else okay?” Tony said, closing the door to cut off any argument that could be made. Paul opened his mouth like he was going to say something, but before he could Tony speed off, barroling down the road at twice the speed limet, on his way to the airport. 

\---

“How’s everything down here?” Darline asked, poking her head through the door as the credits for the movie rolled. The teens where spread across the sofe, which was nice leather once apone a time, but now had a brown cloth cover to hide the dog scratches. 

“We’re good,” Sam said. Natasha was sitting next to Clint, and they where arguing about something in sign language, Steve and Bucky where curled up together in the corner, there was a empty bean bag where Tony had been sitting before he’d left, and Thor and Bruce where in the middle next to Sam. Bruce was half asleep but had a book in his lap, and Thor was playing a phone game. 

“Clint lost his hearing aids again,” Natasha said, exasperated. Clint signed something to her rapidly. “Oh, I’m sorry, not  _ lost,  _ broke,” She said. “How do you do this, every time?” 

“Alright well we should have some time before people come to pick you up, so if anyone here wants pizza I can order some,” darline said. “And- wait where’s Wade?” 

“Oh he’s of… being himself,” Natasha said, pointing to the corner where Wade was drawing something. 

“Oh what are you drawing-” 

_ “Don’t look!” _ Several of them said at once. 

“Unicorns,” Wade said. “Why are you all so  _ suspicious,”  _

“Mhm, what are the unicorns doing?” Thor asked. 

“Having a giant murder orgy,” 

“There it is,” Natasha said. “You should know by now that you never ask what he’s drawing,” 

\---

“What the actual hell is wrong with you?” Tony asked as soon as he saw Obi. 

“Tony, so lovely to see you,” Obi said, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Come on, I’ve been waiting to talk with you,” 

“But- what’s wrong with you man?” Tony asked. 

“Come on bud, now’s not the time,” Obi said, putting a hand between his shoulder blade. “Tell you what, let’s all go have a drink, i’ve got a few hours in between meetings, if we’re lucky I might be able to get your mom and dad in to chat,” 

“...I thought my mom and dad were in San Francisco,” Tony said.

“Well… they are. But I might be able to get them out here,” Obi said with a grin. “If I beg,” 

“You think?” Tony asked, tilting his head up to look at Obi. 

“Hopefully,” Obi siad. “But until then let’s grab a drink and talk about your newest sale,” 

“You mean the one you put on hold?” Tony said, his face falling again. 

“Well that’s all been sorted out,” Obi said. “I made a few calls and it looks like there was just a bit of a mixup, so everything should still arrive on time,”

“Really?” 

“Well I wouldn’t lie would I?” Obi asked. “Come on, there’s a bar and a  _ lot _ of work gossip I’ve been waiting to share with you,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hola! Soy Dora! Can you spot the healthy relationship? No, I don't see any here either! 
> 
> also did y'all like the baby Loki scene? That was for you guys.   
> Sorry that this post is so late, all my teachers decided to have a problem with me all at once so I've been trying to fight them away with a broom handle.


	39. Your author has depression but what else is new?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy

“Sam, breakfast is almost ready, would you go get Bruce for me?” Darlin asked, swinging around the doorframe to look at Sam, who was half asleep on the sofa. They normally just had cereal, but Darline decided to make eggs and bacon for everyone. 

“Alright,” Sam said, rolling off the couch. He started walking upstairs, when Paul stopped him. 

“Bruce is sleeping in the basement,” Paul said, looking at Sam, confused. 

“No, I was just in the basement, he’s not there,” Sam said. 

“Well he’s not upstairs, we didn’t even move the boxes off of the bed,” Paul said. 

“Well where is he?” Darline asked. They both shrugged, looking at her. “Well he didn’t disappear from thin air, he couldn’t stand up alone yesterday, go find him!” She said, pointing with the spatula. 

“Where should I look?” Sam asked. 

“Wherever you think he is,” Darline said.

“Well if I knew where he was he wouldn’t be missing,”

“You are one comment away from losing Xbox privileges,” She said. 

“Okay, going,” Sam said, throwing his hands up. 

“And sweeten up while you’re at it!” Darline called after him. 

\---

“Okay we’re fucked,” Sam said, looking around. Bruce wasn’t  _ anywhere. _ Not at his house, not at Sam’s house, not at school or the library, or at the football field, where he usually was when the team practiced. He wasn’t anywhere that Sam could think of, including a raggedy path in the forest. “How’d you do?” 

Paul shrugged at him, looking down. “Nothing,” 

“Mom’s gonna kill us,” sam said. “And he’s not answering his phone either,” 

“Alright that’s it, I’m calling the police,” Sam’s dad said. “He could have been missing sense last night for all we know,” 

“I’m calling Tony,” Sam said. “He’s got twice the time and every available resource. 

Several calls later they were still at a dead end. The police refused to do anything until he’d been gone for 48 hours, and Tony was off doing… something… in NYC, and so Sam left a message to his robot. Giving up, they turned back, not ready to come back empty handed, when Sam got a text. 

**Sorry, I had to go. I’m good, nothing wrong, with my dad. -Bruce**

It was  _ not _ from Bruce’s number, but the grammar checked out. Sam showed it to his father, who seemed even more concerned then Sam was.

“-but the grammar makes sense,” 

“He would have used his phone,” Sams dad said. 

“Maybe he left it,” 

“Then he wouldn’t have known that we where looking for him,” Sam’s dad said. “Come on, let’s head back,” 

“So why would he be texting from someone elses phone if he has his phone?” Sam asked. 

“There’s another option,” sam’s dad said. 

“...you think he didn’t send the text?” sam asked. Sam’s dad nodded. “But-” 

“I think his dad took him,” 

\---

“And so we’re thrilled to introduce our son Tony Stark to all of you tonight as we celebrate the newest launch in Stark Industries; Med branch,” Maria said, leading the group to clap. Tony shot them a smile, making his way up to the podium with his parents when his phone rang. “Tony would you like to make a speech?” 

“Sure, gimme a sec,” Tony said, pulling out his phone and holding back a smirk at the ‘agast’ murmurings of the crowd and avoiding the burning glare of his father. “It’s Tony,” 

“Tony is this a bad time?” Sam asked. 

_ “Sam! _ No not at all, what’s up?” Tony asked. 

“Look, my dad’s got a theory, he thinks that Bruce didn’t leave on his own, and we where wondering-” 

“You think he was taken?” Tony asked, covering his speaker so Sam didn’t hear the gasp of the crowd. 

“By his dad,” Sam confirmed. “I know it’s short notice but-” 

“I’m on my way,” Tony said. “See you soon,” He added, hanging up. 

_ “Anthony,” _ his mother hissed, gripping his shoulder with a vengeance. 

“Alright, that was my drug dealer- I mean friend, I’ve got to go handle some stuff, so… enjoy your night,” Tony said. 

“But  _ Tony _ where you not about to tell them about your  _ amazing _ creation?” Howard said, looking at Tony with burning hatred not-so-hiden in his eyes. 

“Fine okay uh… well I made the stuff that we all knew how to make, and I didn’t charge a arm and a leg for it, and then I threw together some scanners and shit, sent them off, and now here we are, all spending ridiculous money to hear about what will be in the news paper tomorrow,” Tony said. “I’ve got a damsel in destress, so you guys take the night from here,” 

“Tony I don’t think-” Maria said, grabbing his arm. 

“Take a shot for me, kay?” Tony asked, stepping out of the hot lights and pulling off his tie. The room stayed awkwardly quiet as he walked to the door. “And geeze, someone turn on some music!” He yelled, slamming the door behind him. 

No wonder his parents never asked him to come out, he didn’t exactly make himself appealing. On the other hand, he didn’t want to be in that stupid stuffy room anyway, so he climed into his car, turning on the system. “Jar, you got anything on Bruce’s father yet?” 

“Nothing yet sir, still running scanners,” Jarvis said. “It seems that the car is still in the garage of Bruce’s home, indicating that they may be using public transport, or a undocumented veical,” 

“Alright, have them flag his fathers credit card and ID, we’ll go from there,” Tony said. 

“Yes sir.” Jarvis said. “Would you like a flight back to your home?” 

“I’ll drive,” tony said 

“So you wish to not stay with your parents?” Jarvis asked. “You seemed exited about-” 

“Jarvis mute,” Tony said, reaching over and turning up his music loud enough he couldn’t hear Jarvis anyway. 

_ “Sir this behavior is continuing to concern-” _

_ “Mute!”  _ Tony yelled again. Thankfully Jarvis took the hint, quieting down. “We’re just… going to do this,” 

“Sir you have an incoming call from Obi,” Jarvis said. 

“Ignore,” Tony said. 

“Sir he’s calling again,” Jarvis said. 

“Block him,” 

“Sir-” 

“Do I need to keep repeating myself?” Tony asked, smacking the wheel. “Block him, I know how to unblock someone if I need to,” They stayed in silence for a few minutes, Tony humming along to his loud music, until Jarvis turned it off. “Hey! Why’d you-” 

“Tony your father is calling,” Jarvis said. “Would you like me to answer?” 

“No,” Tony said, tightening his grip on the steering wheel. 

“Anthony-” 

“Sir my systems have been hacked-” 

“I noticed,” Tony said. “Heeey… howard,” 

“What is wrong with you? Do you have no sense of- 

Tony pressed the End Call button, cutting off his father. 

“Sir I think that-” 

“Don’t let him through again,” Tony said. 

“But sir you’ve tried unsuccessfully to contact your father over 30 times this last-” 

“I made the damn calls Jar, you really think I don’t know how many I made?” Tony snapped. “I said don’t let him through. Block him if you have to. I’m trying to find Bruce and that’s the  _ only _ think I’m doing,” 

“Tony your efforts to build a relationship with your parents are already nearing failure, this will only further cement-” 

_ “Shut the fuck up!” _ Tony snapped, slamming his palm into the conceal of his car, doing nothing but thoroughly injuring his hand. “I  _ know that. _ I’m a genius prodigy and to  _ hell _ with me for not giving a shit okay? Just silence him, mute all audio, block him, I don’t care anymore. I’m finding Bruce, making sure everything is still standing, and then I’m going back to my lab okay? I don’t give a shit about them anymore,” 

“...yes sir,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no fucking reason for this taking so long. I mean it I posted that one shot (check it out if you wanna see May die again btw. It's tagged as wade/peter but it's not actually in the story very much) 
> 
> So... yeah. The only think keeping me alive rn is comments so donate one to your favorite struggling author, and I'll love you forever ;)


	40. what do you mean, I love my dad...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Big. Fat. Trigger Warning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW TW TW
> 
> THIS CHAPTER DEALS WITH SUICIDE/MURDER AND ABUSE. LIKE A LOT OF IT. BEWARE.

“Stop moving or I’m going to blow your head off here,” Brian grunted. Bruce flicked his eyes up to him, settling down. Every part of him felt like it was charged with electricity and sitting still seemed impossible, but he stopped bouncing his leg, leaning against the car door. 

“Where are we going?” Bruce asked. His dad didn’t have the gun now, just a rolled cigarette and a big mouth. The gun was packed in the bottom of all their stuff in the trunk, Bruce watched carefully where he put it. 

“Visit your Ma,” Brian said, blowing out a cloud of suffocating smoke. 

“We’re going the wrong way then,” Bruce said, tapping his finger against his leg, out of sight from his dad. “You buried her on our way here, we already passed the spot,” That was a bold faced lie. He’d acted like he didn’t remember sense he was young, figuring that if his dad thought he didn’t know anything helpful he wouldn’t be worried about getting turned in as Bruce got older. AKA would be less likely to kill him to shut him up. 

Bruce wouldn’t lie, as much as the idea of friends appealed to him when he was younger, they didn’t come naturally so he’d avoided the ordeal all together, but as he got older he quickly realised that if there was no one to call the police when he went missing, there was a very real chance he wouldn’t be coming back. So yeah, he made friends because it increased his survival rate by 27%, it wasn’t the worst thing he’d done. 

He was never suppose to start liking them. 

Except that now, as his dad drove them closer to his mothers shallow grave in Ohio. It should be a eight hour drive from where they started, and Bruce had been blacked out for the beginning, but based on the gas in the car -the illegal one in the garage no one knew about- which was always full of gas, they’d already driven for 40 minutes. Which means he probably had a little over seven hours to live. If they didn’t stop for food. 

“Right right, she’s on the highway,” His dad said. Jeez, if Bruce didn’t vividly remember his father burying her then he sure would have pieced it together by now. But he wasn’t a actor, so he kept his mouth closed. 

The twisted thing is that he wasn’t  _ against _ the idea of suicide. He’d tried once or twice before, and his father never discouraged it. In fact, Bruce was pretty sure he’d been hoping Bruce would just take care of himself and make Brian's life easier. The weird thing was he kinda did want to die, but he didn’t want to be killed. So much of his life was under Brians control, he wanted to do  _ one _ thing that was entirely up to him. Other then homework that is. 

Because that was a way healthy normal people think. 

“I’m getting us some food,” Brian said, suddenly shaking his head and flashing Bruce a smile. 

“I- what?” 

“You know, hot dog, chips, maybe some Fanta, you stay here okay?” Brian said, swinging into the gas station. He left, locking the car door behind him. Bruce waisted no time, grabbing his phone from the floor of the car. He was used to this, his dad would flip flop from caring about him and being the ‘best father ever’ to beating him with a broken belt over the corse of a few days. Over the years he tended towards the later, but this other ‘form’ would sometimes emerge again. Which usually meant something was making him happy. 

Bruce wasn’t sure he wanted to find out what he was happy about now. 

He hit send just as his dad made it to the front door, and Bruce dropped the phone, flipping it over with his foot and prayed that it was still on Silent mode. 

\---

“Contact as been attempted again,” Jarvis said. 

“How many times do I have to tell you to shut up?” Tony asked, rubbing a hand over his face. 

“Sir I am worried about you-” 

“I’m about to take your code apart line by line,” Tony gritted out. 

“Sir you should reconsider making contact-” 

“Maybe I don’t want to talk to him, you thought about that?” Tony asked. 

“Yes you have made that quite clear. I’m just concerned because-” 

“Jar-” 

“-you spend so much time attempting contact with your family, the fact that you’re willing to throw away-”

“Jarvis I’ve spent more time talking to Bruce in the last three months then I’ve spent talking to my parents in 12 years. I’ve investing,” 

“Alright sir,” Jarvis said. Tony sighed, relieved. He sat in mind numbing silence for a few minutes before reaching over and turning up his music, dowing out the silence. 

“Sir you’re approaching double the speed limit,” Jarvis said. 

“I’m trying to get home before someone dies, cut me some slack,” 

“Yes I’m sure the law would love to do so,” Jarvis said. 

“I’ve got money, I’m above the law,” Tony quipped, pressing on the gas more so than usual, just to prove he could. “Anything new?”

“There was a potential spotting of Brian Banner at a gas station three point one seconds ago,” He said. “Sending the location to your GPS,” 

“Let’s go,” 

\---

“So Bruce, tell me about your life,” Brian said. “What’s going on with you?” 

“Mostly just homework,” Bruce said, rubbing his neck. 

“Bullshit, you’re 15, you’re probably sneaking out, getting high and shit,” Brian said. 

“No I really-” 

“Then what the  _ fuck _ where you doing at that house huh?” He asked, smacking his hand on the side of his car, making Bruce jump. 

“Nothing! I was-” 

“Oh nothing my ass, you were out  _ partying and drinking _ and-” 

“If I was partying and drinking then I would be happier,” Bruce muttered out of his fathers hearing. He would normally never be so bold, but he figured at this point he was already dead meat. 

“I gotta piss,” His dad said bluntly, pulling the car over to the side of the road, jarring Bruce’s pulverised body. While his dad was out of the car, Bruce reached down frantically, grabbing his phone. Sam had responded to his text with about a million questions, none of which Bruce had time to answer, so he switched to the dial pad and called 911, barely reaching the call button before his dad got back. 

If this failed he would die about five hours sooner, so he figured what was there to lose. The operators voice was drowned out by his fathers complaining about the road, and the night, and then about Bruce, and how he was pretty sure Bruce shouldn’t be alive, and how  _ dare _ Bruce be alive.

He moved away from his father slightly, kicking with his shoe to see if his phone was still on. The operator seemed to have hung up, because his home screen -a photo he’d taken of a football game a gew weeks ago- blared back at him. He hadn’t even ment to be in the picture, but at the same time as he pressed the button, Tony had jumped up, as he’d been inthralled in a a argument with someone behind him, and pushed him in frame. He kinda looked like he was about to die, but it was a fun memory. 

What was not fun was right now, where he was  _ definitely _ going to die, because the 911 lady thought he was pranking her. Yay. 

Bruce gave a tired sigh, leaning against the chair. He didn’t even know why he was fighting so hard to stay alive, at this point he’d been pretty settled on the whole suicide thing, it wasn’t like his life was bursting with joy and beautiful moments, but he had a despret sense of not wanting to die  _ because _ of his father. Part of why he’d been trying to kill himself was as a escape, and the very situation he’d been willing to die to avoid was playing out in frount of him. 

“Let me out,” Bruce said suddenly, surprising himself. He hadn’t intended on saying that. 

“What?” His father asked, raising a eyebrow. 

“Let me out of the car. I want to go home,” Bruce said, sitting up. Okay what the fuck was happening. This wasn’t him, he hadn’t said that much willingly for years. At least when he was talking to his father. 

“Bruce you know I can’t do that-” 

“I wasn’t asking,” Bruce said. Well, he was already going to die, at least this way it was up to him  _ when. _ “Stop the car,” 

“Robert Bruce Banner you-” 

“I said  _ stop the car!” _ Bruce said, reaching over and grabbing the steering wheel, forcing the car off the road. Well now he’d done it. Even if his father was a normal person he’d be in a world of hurt. His dad however seemed completely shell shocked, staring at Bruce. He didn’t take his foot of the gas though, and the old car sputtered across the dirt and rugged underbush until it finally stopped after being stuck in a rut. 

There was a reason no one knew about the car. In the back there sat a giant blood stain, the size of a human, from where it had seeped through the sheet his mother had been wrapped in. On top of that stain now sat the gun that was going to kill Bruce. 

His dad continued to stair, and Bruce didn’t know what to do. If they were back in New York maybe he could try and run into the forest, but they’d already made it to Idaho and it was flat for as far as he could see. His dad was a good enough shot, he’d just ended up being hunted down. 

He momentarily throught about trying to fight his dad, and then almost laughed out loud at the idea. Even if he wasn’t beaten to a pulp, he was barley strong enough to pick up his backpack, and his dad was quite used to punching him down. So yeah, he was screwed. He might as well stick the gun in his mouth and pull the trigger for Brian at this point. 

“Get out of the car,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might post in a day or three weeks, we'll see. 
> 
> I live and breathe your comments, they are my favorite thing ever


	41. I'm in Ohio, RATATATAAA

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all are gonna hate me after this one :)

“We’ve got a location,” Tony said into his phone, speeding down the highway. He’d been able to find Bruce’s phone on his tracker once he confirmed that Brian had infact been the man in the gas station, and that the text was from Brians phone. “I’m going to be there in about 50 minutes, they’ve been stopped for while,” 

“Tony be carful, Bruce kept saying his dad was crazy, maybe you should wait for the police-” Sam’s mom started. He was on speaker phone for most of his friends to hear. 

“I’ve dealt with worse,” tony said. The statement hung in the air for a moment, bothering everyone because of how painfully true it was. He’d had his fair share of kidnappings and creeps in his days. 

“Still-” 

“I’ll be fine,” Tony said. “I’m going to hang up now so I don’t crash okay?” 

“Okay. Stay safe,” Darline said. “And update us if you find out anything,” 

“Will do,” 

\---

“Sit down,” Brian said. They’d been walking into the flat land for almost a hour now, and Bruce was existed. He did as he was told, seating himself of a dusty rock. His dad stood in front of him, his back to the sun, and blocking Bruce from seeing anything but him. Except for the black hand gun he was holding. “We’ve come to a stand still Bruce, this can go one of two ways,” 

“What do you mean?” Bruce asked, biting his lip. Any of the bravado he’d had when he crashed the car was so far gone he could barley remember what it had felt like. 

“One of us will die, out here, in the heat and the sand,” Brian said, slowly adding a bullet to the gun. “And then one of us will go to jail,” 

“What?” Bruce asked. He was tired and probably dehydrated, and way to disoriented to make sense of anything his father was saying. 

“See my plan had been to drive you out to viset your mom, have you stand where I dumped her, and shoot you, and then shoot myself, but then I reaslised something,” Brian said. “If I die out here, all alone, with no one but you as a witness, who do you think they will blame Bruce?” 

“...I don’t get it,” Bruce said. He got it, he just wanted his dad to keep talking. 

“You’re old enough you’d get charged as a adult,” He said, toying with the gun. “And it would be your word against… nothing. Just pure, common sense,” 

“You don’t want to die,” Bruce said suddenly. 

“What do you mean by that?” Brian asked. There was that weird confidence again, back to get him killed. 

“You’re too much of a narcissist to do anything to yourself,” Bruce said. All his life the only think he’d ever seen his father do was for himself, to keep himself happy entertained. “Which means you’d be the one to kill me. Which wouldn’t make sense, because you want to keep me and mom close in case we get found. So what are we doing out here,” 

“You’ve always been a bright boy,” Brian said, making Bruce bristle. He wasn’t wrong, Bruce had been doing math equations sense he could write. Brian had also been trying to beat his brains out of him sense about the same time. 

“So why are we out here?” Bruce asked. 

“You’re going to kill yourself. On video,” Brian said. 

“No I’m not,” bruce said. 

“Take this,” Brian said, handing over the handgun as he pulled out his phone. 

“Okay,” Bruce said numbly, accepting the gun. This wasn’t the first time he’d held it, even in this context, but this time he was carful, not even wanting to look at it to hard, just in case his brain somehow made it go off. 

“Now hold it to your head,” Brian said. 

“Why should I?” Bruce asked shakily. “I’ve got the gun don’t I? Why shoud I do what you say?” 

“The bible says to respect your parents-” 

“It also says ‘thou shall not kill,” Bruce said firmly. “But I guess you already broke that one, huh?” 

“What has gotten into you?” Brian asked, quinting at him. Slowly, Bruce reached into his pocket, pulling out his phone and pressing record, hoping Brian couldn’t see him. 

“Well you already killed mom, I figure you won’t stop to do the same to me. I mean, I thought you would take me to her grave first, but hey, maybe you don’t mind riding with a body in the car, you didn’t before,” Bruce said. What the hell was wrong with him, this is why he never talked. Because when he did it leads to… whatever this was. 

“Shut up,” Brian said. 

“I mean- hey no one found mom rotting up in the hills, why should they find me?” Bruce asked. “I was just waiting for you to kill me, ever sense you bashed her head in on that bumper I’ve been waiting,” 

“Bruce that was 10 years ago you don’t remember that,” Brian said. 

“It’s not a easy thing to forget,” Bruce said darkly. His phone was still sticking out from behind the wood, and hopefully still recording. It should be getting most of them in frame at that angle. “Here. I’m tired of waiting, if you’re going to kill me, kill me. Right now,” 

“I want you to suffer,” Brian said, and Bruce almost laughed at the obesity of everything happening. 

“Well jeez, you’ve just been so nice to me these 15 years, you know? Never done  _ anything _ to hurt me, I guess you’re planning to make up for all that  _ kindness _ now, huh?” Brue asked. “I’ve been tortured like a prisinor of fucking war, so you know what, just do it already. Kill me,” 

“Not here,” Brian said. “It’s to far away from the car. We need to walk back first,” 

“Fine,” Bruce said. “As long as I don’t have to live in this fucking pergitory for ever, I’d walk a hundred miles,” 

Alright, he had about a hour of walking to figure out what the hell he was going to do. 

\---

“Okay guys, I found the car but it’s empty,” Tony said, calling Sam’s mom. “The police have gotten here by now, they are searching and shit,” 

“Okay we’re on our way,” She said. “We’ve got almost everyone in the car,” 

“Yeah we’re bwaking da  _ law _ ,” Loki said dramatically. 

“We put down the seats so they can sit on the floor,” Sam’s dad said, sounding tired. “Loki’s horrified,” 

“Based on how things look here, I’d keep Loki in the car,” Tony said. 

“...why?” Darline asked. 

“They… found blood. Like kinda a lot of blood,” Tony said. “Some of it is new and some of it is all dried up but there is a  _ lot _ of blood. They’re out doing a search right now, and they think they have footprints and stuff but it dosn’t look good,” 

“Alright. We’ll be there soon,” Darline said, hanging up. Tony threw his phone back into the car, shaking his head and stepping away, looking out to the field. The grass had gone brown from the hot weather, and now was flooding from the heavy rain that started a hour or so ago, making it harder for police to collect any concrete evidence from the outside, aside from one boot print. The car was lodged in a swamp of past like mud made from the dust, and they where trying to figure out how it ended up there, when something caught Tony’s eye. 

“What’s under the car?” Tony asked the police officer. 

“Nothing, we already checked-” 

“No look,” Tony said, getting on his hands and knees. 

“Sir this is evidence- where are your parents?” The officer asked, putting his hands on his hips. 

“Oh hush,” Tony said, grabbing the wooden handel that had been peeking out and pulling hard. Out came a old rusted shovel and some sheets. 

“...I’m going to call in my boss,” the officer said. 

“He’s going to bury him,” 

\---

“Damnit, police,” Brian hissed, grabbing Bruce by the back of his neck to make him stop walking. Bruce went cold with fear, staring at the distant lights. If he ran now he’d get shot, but his dad was out of time, so he’d be dead anyway if he stayed. “Stay here,” 

“What are you going to do?” Bruce asked horsley. 

“Shut it,” Brian grunted. 

He couldn’t do this. He didn’t want this to happen, not right now, not like this. He could see himself face down in the muddy grass, bullet wounds riddling his body, or his own body bagged up and tossed into a shallow grave like his mother, his glasses lying broken in the muddy grass. Because there wasn’t a way out of here anymore, for either of them. 

“Dad,” Bruce said, looking at Brian. It was ridiculous, completely ridiculous, that a small part of Bruce thought that maybe Brian wouldn’t hurt him. He’d  _ raised _ Bruce, watched him grow up, sure you could kill a partner, but your own kid? That had to be some special kind of sick. Surly that wouldn’t happen. 

...right? 

“Down on the grown,” His dad said. “And close your eyes,” 

“Dad don’t- I don’t want to die,” Bruce said. 

“Bruce,” 

“No no no, please I don’t want to die. And they’ll hear the shot, they’re going to know where to find you and- you can still get out of this,” Bruce said. “I won’t tell them about mom I promise, please just don’t shoot me-” 

“Turn around,” Brian said. “And close your eyes,” 

Trembling, Bruce did as his dad said, raising his hands to touch the back of his neck and turning, with his eyes squeezed shut, bracing. 

Then the first shot rang out. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh whatEVER COULD HAPPEN? 
> 
> guess you're just gonna have to... 
> 
> wait for the next chapter ;)
> 
> post your theories down below, they entertain me.


	42. Things are crazy and Loki's chaotic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy ;)

“Hold on,” Wade said, tapping Pauls shoulder. “Slow down,” 

“What? Why?” He asked. 

“Dude we’re almost there,” Sam said. 

“Trust me,” He said. 

“What-” 

“Stop here!” He yelled, startling Paul into slamming on the breaks as Wade leaned out the right side window. 

“Wade what are you-” Darline was interrupted by five shots going off in quick succession, startling them all. 

_ “What did you do-” _

“Come on,” Wade said, hoping all the way out. “Lets go see if I hit the right guy,” 

“Wade what did you do?” Darline asked, pulling in behind a ridiculous car that  _ definitely _ belonged to Tony. 

“We’re about to find out,” 

\---

Bruce opened his eyes, surprised to still be alive, and looked down at his shirt. No blood yet. He turned around, biting his lip, to see his dad, clutching his upper arm in shock as red blood poured down. A few seconds later he jolted as another bullet struck him in his lower back and Brian fell over. Bruce spun around looking for whoever was shooting, but the police looked just as confused as him. After a few minutes of hesitation a lone paramedic was sent jogging through the mud. 

“Are you hurt?” They asked. Bruce could barely see them through the protective gear they had on, all branded with MEDICAL WORKER in bold yellow letters. Bruce shook his head slightly, which in actuality wasn’t true at all, but next to him his father was bleeding into the grass, so Bruce figured he wasn’t the most urgent case. ‘Alright, walk back to the cars for me, will you?” 

“Okay,” Bruce muttered, fisting his hands in his sweater and started to shuffle through the mud. His black sneakers squenched in the mud with the grass sticking to his shoes as the water soaked through, chilling him further. He was a few feet from the first responders when a scream pierced the uncomfortable silence, startling everyone. 

_ “He’s shooting!” _ One of the police yelled. Someone grabbed Bruce and dove hard behind a car, scraping his face in the process. He yelped as he felt his already broken bones crunch under the weight of the large man. 

“Cover your head with your arms and don’t move,” The man said gruffly, shoving Bruce down further before getting up and darting off while grabbing his gun from a holster. Bruce waited a moment, hearing the chaos happening around him as people darted around yelling orders at them. After a few moments another round of fire broke out and there where screams from everyone. Bruce shifted to roll onto his back, gasping for air as his lungs burnt from holding his breath and trying not to pierce a lung. 

“Bruce!” Someone yelled. Bruce sat up, groaning in pain as his vision went dark. As he blinked his way back to the real world someone clapped a hand on his bruised collarbone. He whined, trying to move away from the painful grip. “Come on, get in the car,” 

“What?” Bruce asked. 

_ “Clint _ use your brain, we can’t re-kidnap him,” someone else said. 

“I can’t use my brain, I’m protesting school,” Clint said. 

“Is that still happening? Bruce, here grab my hand and close your eyes,” 

“Why?” Bruce asked. 

“Because Wade shot your dad twice. He’s shooting at the police but he can’t move, if we move away from the car he won’t be shooting straight at you,” Natasha said. 

“It should only take a minute to get completely out of his range. Can you walk?” 

“Mhm,” Bruce said. Well, he could probably walk. Clint helped pull him up, making pain shoot through his collorbone. 

“Alright lets go,” Clint said. 

“Hey what are you guys doing-” Someone else -probably a police officer- said, looking over from where they where taking cover behind a car. “Stay down!” 

“Ignore that guy,” Natasha said as they made their way behind a car. “He’s probably new,” 

\---

It took twenty minutes for the shooting to end, and then another fifteen minutes before anyone was sure that it was actually over, and then another ten for someone to tell Bruce where he was suppose to go. 

“We need you to talk into that ambulance over there please,” One of the paramedics said. Bruce nodded, following to where they had pointed. The ambulance was all silver and blue on the inside, and they made him sit on the overstuffed cot while someone hooked him up to a heart rate monitor. 

“Okay what’s your name man?” One of the men asked. 

“Bruce Banner,” Bruce muttered. 

“Alright Bruce, you got any pain?” The lady who’d hooked him up asked. Bruce shook his head, fixating his gaze at a speck on the floor. 

“Come on Cynthia, he looks like he got put through a meat grinder, of course he’s in pain,” The other guy said. “Come on kid, you want some morphine or something?”

“I’m fine,” Bruce said. The guy raised an eyebrow at him but didn’t say anything. 

“If you say so kid. So here’s the thing, we don’t have any records of you ever going to the doctor, getting shots, the whole thing, so even if you’re ‘fine’ we need to take you to the ER. They will probably make you make a bunch of appointments after that for shots and shit, you should make those,” 

“I got shots,” Bruce said. “All up until I was 5,” 

“But we don’t-” 

“My dad pulled my file and changed my name,” Bruce said. “Technically my first name is Robert,” 

“Alright, rookie go tell the police,” The lady- Cynthia apparently- yelled at a kid who didn’t look much older than Bruce himself. “We’re still taking you to the hospital,” She added. Bruce sighed, resting his head on the back of the ambulance, before being painfully reminded of how exactly he’d been knocked out. 

“You’ve got head trama,” One of them said, grabbing Bruce by his hair and pulling him away from the wall, where there was now a light spot of blood. “Alright someone radio the nearest hospital, let them know the condition. And hand me that pen light,” 

One long ambulance ride later Bruce was in the ER half awake while they tried to jam a million different kinds on needles in him at once. Finally someone pushed something that knocked him out, leaving him blissfully unaware of whatever happened next. 

\---

Almost everyone was left a little shaky by the shooting. One cop was taken out on a stretcher, and one of the fire fighters had been grazed, but aside from that the only damage Brian did was to their cars. And to his court case. Nevertheless Darline was doing her rounds, checking on everyone several times. And confiscating Wades gun in the glove box. 

“Dude I saved his life can I at least keep the fucking-” 

“Language,” Paul said, looking over from where he was trying to help Thor wrangle Loki. 

“Fucking gun?” 

“No,” Darline said. “It’s not safe to have one with you all the time,” 

“Wh- it would be a lot less safe if I’d let him shoot Bruce,” 

“The police had it under control,” Darline said. “But your concern is cute,” 

“I- what-” Wade sputtered.  _ “Cute? _ I shot him! Twice!” 

“I know, it’s cute that you where so worried,” 

_ “This is- I’ve never heard such a statement!” _ Wade said, waving his arms dramatically. 

“Alright hun, keep your voice down,” Darline said. “Thor hand me Loki,” Loki hadn’t done well with the shooting -not that any three year old would- and was still sorta trying to get away from it, leading to him crawling all over them. 

“Are you sure? He’s really… squirmy,” Thor said as Loki tried to punch him with tiny fists. 

“Here, come here Loki,” Darline said, grabbing him off of Thor's shoulder. “We’re going for a walk, okay?” 

“I don’t wanna go,” Loki pointed. 

“I’m sure,” she said, grabbing him, leading to a scream of protest. “We’ll be back soon, go ahead without us,” She said, heading down the road in the opposite direction of everything. “Shh, calm down, we’re just going for a quick walk,” 

“I ‘on wanna!” Loki yelled. 

“Don’t yell at me Loki, if you’re upset talk to me calmly, okay?” 

“NO!” Loki yelled. Improvising, Darline grabbed a stick off the ground and sat down on the road with Loki. 

“Look what I’m doing,” She said, taking the stick and drawing a figure in the mud. “What’s this?” 

Loki sniffled, looking at her in slight annoyance before pointing. “Person,” 

“That’s right. What do you wanna do with the person?” She asked. 

“Uh… stabby?” Loki asked. 

“Oh sure, go ahead then,” She said, handing him the stick. Loki, as predicted, took the knife, stabbing it a few times into the stick figure before pausing to whip his eyes. “That was pretty stressful huh?” she asked. 

“Mhm,” Loki said. “I don’ like the yelling,” 

“Why not?” Darline asked. “Is it too loud for you?” 

“No. It’s not nice,” 

“The yelling?” 

“Yea. Not nice,” Loki said. “There’s a lot of yelling at home too. It’s not nice at all,” 

“Oh. Who yells at home?” 

“Dad yells a lot, an’ then Thot yells back at him, an’ then mom cries,” Loki said. “Thot yells a lot on his own, but it’s normal yelling not mean yelling,” 

“I see,” Darline said. “And what do you do when they yell?” 

“I throw stuff at their heads. It makes them stop,” Loki said. “An’ sometimes they bleed and have to go to the doctor!” 

“Oh?” Darline said, biting back a grin. 

“Das my favorite. Bu’ sometimes Thot just takes me an’ we go to the field,” Loki said. “He tried to make me do the stuff with the sports but I don’t like it,” 

“You don’t like sports?” Darline asked. 

“No! They’re nasty. And it takes a lot of work,” Loki said. “I prefer painting. Or stabbing,” 

"Lovley," 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I threw in some baby Loki just for you guys ;) 
> 
> It's snowed in almost up to my knees here in Seattle and I hate it. I am not good at 'roughing it' to get to my car. Also I just drank 30 oz of iced coffee and it's 8:30 PM so I'm screwed. 
> 
> Do me a favor and send your favorite suffering author a comment or kudos, makes my day ;)


	43. Interventions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh buckel the heckity up guys we're going for a ride

“How long do you think it will be until we can see him?” Thor asked, bouncing on the balls of his feet. 

“We really can’t say,” The doctor said, sympathetically. Her brown hair was long and swept to one side, and she kept touching it while she talked. “He has a lot of injuries, and it looks like he hasn’t gotten proper nutrition as well, so we want to make sure that he’s strong enough to recover from a surgery before we do anything non-emergent. Does he have some kind of next of kin we could talk to?” 

“Not really I- well I mean Sam’s mom and dad are helping him out you can talk to them maybe,” 

“No grandparents or uncles or aunts or godparents or anything-” 

“I’m just his friend, I don’t know,” Thor said. “Can I please see him?” 

“I’m really not supposed to,” She said. 

“Please?” Thor asked, blinking at her. 

“If you don’t tell anyone,” She said. Thor smiled at her, following her back. There were plenty of rooms before Bruces, and the ones that you could see inside of were full of people stuck with tubs and beeping equipment. “Here you go, room 26B. Just- don’t stay too long, okay?”

Thor nodded and she closed the door. Bruce didn’t look good- well he  _ always _ looked good- he didn’t look healthy. His skin was shockingly pale, to the point where he looked almost waxy. His curly hair hung over his face in a tangled mess that made him look extra pathetic. He didn’t have a tube down his throat but there was an oxygen mask over his face that fogged up ever so slightly as he breathed in and out. He’d been covered in multiple blue blankets all tucked in up to his neck, but Bruce was still shivering under the thin hospital bedding. Thor took a few steps towards Bruce, moving to pick up his hand. He almost flinched back at the cold, before moving back and wrapping both hands around Bruce’s. 

“Hey Bruce,” Thor said, his eyes scanning the room until he saw Bruce’s glasses, which had been put neatly on a table in the corner. He moved them over a bit so Bruce would be able to find them when he woke up. “It’s kinda crazy everything that happened huh?” 

Bruce stayed the same, barley breathing. “I uh… I’m not really sure what all happened, things started going really fast about the same time we pulled up. Kinda crazy but I think Wade shot your dad,” Thor said chuckling, before pausing. “That’s not funny that’s just messed up. I- okay I know you probably can’t hear me or anything but… when you’re better we’re going to hang out okay? And- this time your dad won’t be there to mess it all up. You won’t have to worry about getting home on time, alright? And we’ll get food because I never realised you where so  _ skinny _ until now, and you never want food when we offer it to you, but I’m going to get some for us, alright? And I’ll pay,” 

Thor paused, almost waiting for Bruce to respond, which of course he didn’t. “I know you get nervous when we all hang out together, and you don’t really like all the yelling and rough housing, which I guess makes sense now, but… I can chill out for you, alright? I promise I won’t be so loud and annoying, and it’ll just be us alright? And  _ definitely _ not Loki this time. Sorry he was there last time, he got you all sticky,” 

Thor waited again. He knew that Bruce wasn’t going to respond, but it felt polite. He’d had to practice not running over people when he talked, especially Bruce. “I uh- the nurse told me to not stay too long, so I’m going to go but… please get better soon, if you can. I mean, you can only do so much, I know that but… please don’t… I don’t know. I just… I really want to see you soon. Outside of the hospital, okay?” 

He paused again, holding Bruce’s hand. “I uh- well I think I have to go but… I promise I’ll be back soon. And I'll stay for longer, as soon as they let me, okay? So just- hold on until then. And I’ll bring you a better blanket when I come back, it’s cold in here,” He said, smiling slightly. “So uh- bye,” He said, awkwardly patting Bruce's hand, before slipping out of the room, 

\---

“Bruce we’re going to have to ask you a few questions,” The police officer said, stepping into his room. Bruce had been handcuffed to his bed previously by another officer ‘just in case’. He nodded, averting his eyes. The doctors wanted to keep him under heavy sedation and pain meds for his pain, but the police had some documents that made them take it off. It was still a lot better then he’d felt most days so he would take it. At least he was warm and dry. 

“What’s your name?” He asked. 

“Bruce Banner,” Bruce said quietly. The officer raised an eyebrow. 

“Bruce I think you’ve been lying to us,” The officer said. Bruce looked at him, taken aback. “That’s not your name, is it?” 

“I don’t… yes it is?” He asked quietly. 

“No, because it says here your first name is Robert, which you told the paramedic,” The officer said. “Why did you lie Robert?” 

“I- I’m… I’ve… I mean I’ve always gone by Bruce?” Bruce said. “It’s just- my dad changed it for- he didn’t want me to- he didn’t want me to be tracked and-”

“I need you to speak in full sentences without stammering,” The officer said. “And louder so that it gets picked up by the recording device,” 

“Oh,” Bruce said, biting his lip and looking away. “Sorry,” 

“So Robert-” 

“I go by Bruce,” Bruce muttered. 

“But your name is Robert-” 

“And you’re married but that’s never stopped you, has it?” Tony asked, stepping into the room. “Hi Bruce,” Bruce smiled at Tony, relieved to have someone else there. It was probably a good thing he’d been handcuffed, because he was seriously considering making a break for it. 

“Tony this is a closed-” 

“Now see that right there is weird, you know what you just called me?” Tony asked. “See- you just called me  _ Tony, _ that’s T-O-N-Y-” 

“Yes I know how to spell-” 

“But isn’t my full name Anthony?” Tony asked. “So- how could you possibly understand that I go by Tony when-” 

“That’s just a nickname where as this-” 

“No no no, don’t interrupt me,” Tony said. “And get the cuffs off my friend. He’s malnourished, abused, and got a blood pressure of 80/40 which means he’s hypertensive, and definitely not going anywhere anytime soon. Unless you think he’s going to attack you, which would mean that you’re  _ doing something _ worthy of attack,”

“This is just prodigal-” 

“Because see I read the entire police prodigal for abuse cases- trust me it’s long- and I never saw a section on handcuffing abused minors for police’s comfort,” Tony said. “Meaning that you either think that Bruce could possibly be a suspect of a crime, or that you find he’s become a danger to you and hospital staff, but if that was the case then we would be using hospital restraints, made specially to prevent injury-” 

“This is-” 

“-what did I say about the interrupting?” Tony asked, throwing his hands up. “And if you took even the briefest of glances at his medical file you would see that they specifically said nothing should be done to the skin on his wrists or forearms, that’s why the IV is in the back of his hand, even though they risk blowing a vane,” Tony said. “And based on the state of his wrist right now, I would say there was good reason,” Both Bruce and the cop turned to look at his arm, which sense being handcuffed had begun to bleed slowly onto the side of the bed. “If you don’t want to be dealing with a misconduct report I would uncuff him,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hah, I know you guys liked that first scene
> 
> also Bruce's communication skills go brr


	44. Dis is not very nice Thor!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Loki has opinions.

“Thanks,” Bruce muttered, watching the cop retreat, whispering something about getting some kind of warrant. 

“No problema,” Tony said, sitting in the hard plastic chair. “Cops are the worst. You know I was trying to get them to believe me when I said I saw your dad on the CCTV footage at the store, they  _ laughed _ at me man, I swear. When’t laughing when we got to you though,” Tony said. “Speaking of, when do you think they’ll let you out?” 

“I dunno,” Bruce said, shrugging. “They said like… maybe two or so weeks?” 

“Geez,” Tony said. “Domestic terrorists couldn’t keep me in for longer then five days, they must really be pumping you full of something,” 

“Unfortunately,” Bruce said, lying back on the pillows. 

“You know,  _ someone’s _ been here a few times to check on you,” tony said, “Hasn’t talked to the doctors yet,” 

“Hm,” Bruce said, picking up his book. 

“Come on man, throw him a bone,” Tony said, kicking his red converse on the floor, trying to rub away a scratch. “It’s unsettling seeing someone so  _ tall  _ being so  _ sad,” _

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Bruce said quietly, staring intently at the book that he was too concussed to read. 

“Fine have it your way,” Tony said, standing up. “But if you don’t talk to me about it, I’m letting Natasha in here, and you know  _ exactly _ what Natasha is like about other peoples love lives,” 

“That’s fine,” Bruce said quietly. 

“Ugh, you’re not on the fun painkillers either are you?” Tony asked. “I’ll be back once I’m done yelling at my family,” Tony said, waving to Bruce as he opened his phone.  _ “He’s all yours Nat!” _

“Alright, visiting hours are over,” one of the doctors, one Bruce hadn’t meet before now, said, moving quickly to close the blinds to Bruces room, much to his relief. He would  _ much _ rather talk about his trama then his feelings. 

\---

“Dif is pafedic,” Loki said, crossing his arms. 

“I’m okay with that,” Thor replied. 

“And creepy,” Loki said, struggling with the ‘R’. 

“Is not,” 

“Is to,” 

“Is  _ not,”  _

_ “Is to!” _

“You are about to earn yourself a time out,” Thor said, half joking. 

“You don’t have the balls,” Loki stammered in his ‘baby accent’. 

“Okay now you’re actually going into timeout,” Thor said. 

“Jus’ as soon as we leave?” Loki asked, glowering out the window. 

“It’s 47 degrees out, not hot enough to burn, not cold enough to freeze,” Thor said thoughtfully, grabbing his keys out as they pulled into Bruce’s driveway. 

“THOT!” Loki yelled, hitting his tiny hands on the window as Thor closed and locked his door, leaving Loki in the car. “DIS IS NOT VEWY NICE FOR ME!” 

Thor laughed, turning away from the car and looking around for a spare key. Not finding one, he tested the door and grinned, finding it unlocked. He’d been texted by pretty much everyone that Bruce was awake, but he wasn’t quite ready to go see him yet, so instead he’d decided to go to Bruce’s house and pick up some clothes and books for him. 

The first thing that hit Thor was the smell of the house. It smelled like liquor and blood, which wasn’t supprising when he started looking around, while raising a hand to cover his nose and mouth. The floor was wood, which was shiny at some places, but the others where scratched, sticky, or just completely covered in trash, mostly bottles. The walls where plan plaster that had been stained and scratched, with a few notable holes. Thor squinted in the dark, trying to switch on the light, which didn’t work. It wasn’t until he tried a lamp that he get enough light to see. It was worse in the light, and Thor found it impossible to not stair at each and every scratch, wondering what event had caused each. 

Thor shook himself, trying to keep his mind from wandering. He went down the hallway to the left of, opening the closest door of the rambler. Inside was a unmade full sized bed and a continuation of the trash he’d seen before. It wasn’t until he continued down the hallway that he finally found Bruce’s room. 

It looked massively out of place in the old gross house. Bruce kept his room perfectly clean. The walls, aside from a few more of those holes, where not dirty or scratched, there was no trash on the ground, and everything had it’s own place to go. His bed had a natural wooden frame with a green plaid quilt, and was pushed up against the far right corner next to a bay half-window. He had a cheap wooden desk with his school stuff neatly arranged, and a million pieces of paper full of random scribbles, along with a box of cleaning supplies. Thor slid open his closet, which had a hole from the doorknob, to find -unsurprisingly- that Bruce had all his clothes neatly hung up and color coordinated. As they had seen at school, his clothing was mostly jeans and sweaters, although he had some lighter long sleeve as well. 

Thor poked around, looking for comfy clothes, before he realised that it would be taking him awhile and he actually probably  _ shouldn’t  _ leave Loki in the car for that long unsupervised. He sighed, turning around and picked his way back to the front door, unlocking his car at the same time. 

“You can come out if you behave,” Thor said. Loki slid down the driver's seat of his truck, looking at him silently with giant glassy eyes. “Don’t give me that look, it was only five minutes,” Loki followed Thor into the home, staring at the wrecked rambler. 

“...can I hold your hand?” Loki asked quietly, staring at the damage. Thor, not trusting Loki’s tiny legs to navigate around the broken bottles, picked Loki up by his arm and threw him around his shoulder. “Tank you,” Loki whispered. 

“Okay buddy, don’t touch  _ anything _ or you’re dead meat, got it?” Thor said, looking at the broken glass and a random piece of bent metal. “Maybe literally,” 

Loki whimpered, hiding his face in his Thor’s shirt. Not that Thor blamed him, if he could hide he would.

Thor breathed a sigh of relief as they stepped into Bruce’s room again. He pulled out Bruce’s cheap desk chair and put it in the middle of the small room, placing Loki in the middle. “Do. not. Touch. Anything,” 

“Otay,” Loki said, grinning. 

“I mean it Lokes,” Thor said. 

“Otay,” 

“You don’t wanna go to the car again do you?” thor asked, recognising the cheeky look on his brothers face. 

“Oh- i’ma be good,” Loki said, suddenly serious. 

“Good,” Thor said, going back to the closet. “What color do you think would go with Bruce’s eyes?” 

“Gween!” Loki yelled excitedly.. 

“That’s always your answer,” thor said, eyeing the array of sweaters -almost everything Bruce owned was earth tones anyway, so green was a fair amount of the choices- before throwing one on the bed anyway. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all, I need idea's for cute things between those two idiots, gimme your thoughts.


	45. do it nicely

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjooooy

“Where Boots?” Loki asked, walking up to a random nurse. 

“Loki get back here!” Thor called, far down the hallway. 

“Oh, did you lose your boots?” the nurse asked. Loki shot her a look. 

“Not boots,  _ Boots,” _ Loki said, shifting his bag of stuff to a different tiny arm and putting a hand on his baby hip. “Are you  _ stupid-” _

_ “Loki!” _ Thor said, grabbing him and covering his mouth. “I’m so sorry he’s my little brother,” 

“Oh it’s okay,” the nurse laughed. “Did he lose his shoes?” 

“What- oh! Loki what where you saying?” Thor asked. 

“Where Boots?” Loki asked. 

“Do you mean  _ Bruce?” _

“Yes. Boots,” 

_ “Bruce- _ I’m sorry we’re here for my friend,” Thor said, blushing slightly. The nurse, a older lady with a simple brown braid, just smiled, looking not at all bothered. 

“He’s not your  _ friend!” _ Loki squeaked indignetly. 

“What- yes he is Lokes, what are you talking about?” thor asked. 

“But you  _ like- _ Mpfh!” Loki squeaked, as Thor covered his mouth again, tighter this time. 

“So sorry,” Thor said awkwardly, grabbing the bag he dropped. “I’m just gonna go now-”

“Bruce Banners room is the other way,” The nurse said, as Thor moved to go. 

“I didn’t-” 

“You’ve been mentioned,” She said with a smile. It felt uncomfortably similar to how it looked when the teachers started setting Steve and Bucky up in 8th grade. At the time the teachers didn’t know that they had been declaring their love for each other sense first grade. 

“Oh-,” 

“Somebody’s in  _ looooove-” _ Loki said, wiggling out of Thor's grip. 

“You sir are about to earn yourself some duct tape I swear,” Thor said. In response, Loki chomped down hard on his arm. 

Waving goodbye with a pained smile, Thor set Loki down and drug him by his arm in the direction of Bruce’s hospital room. “What? I’m being  _ funny,” _ Loki said with a cheeky smile. 

“You’re being a brat,” thor said. “Hush, we’re almost there. You better not be like this around Bruce,” 

“What? Funny?” Loki asked. 

“I’m so over you. If you don’t sweeten up then I’m leaving you with mom for a day and _ then _ you’re going to be forced to eat her gluten free vegan organic lasagna,” Thor threatened. Loki turned his tiny face up to him, gasping. 

“Noooo!” Loki said. 

“Alright, well I’m going to the bathroom. Unless you wanna come with me, then wait here and think about that lasagna,” Thor said. 

“Okay,” 

\---

Bruce snapped his book closed in frustration. Between not being able to find his glasses and his vision being worse than usual after being slammed into a wall a few weeks ago, and not being able to focus at all, reading wasn’t going well. He gave an exasperated sigh, tossing his book somewhere near his shin. A few moments after he laid back in the room, the door slowly creeped open. He went to lift his head, but didn’t see anyone in his room. 

Didn’t see anyone that is, until Loki popped up two inches from his face, making Bruce jump. 

“Be careful,” Loki lisped, covering Bruce’s mouth gently. “You hurt,” 

“Uh…” Bruce said, looking at him curiously. “...Yes I am?” 

“I make it better,” Loki said, tapping his tiny chest. Bruce stared at him for a minute, confused, before Loki grabbed onto the hospital bed railing, gentilly yanking himself up, planting himself by the pillow right in front of Bruce’s face. 

“Uh…” Bruce said, confused. Loki shushed him, putting a tiny hand on his mouth again. 

“Shh, I making it better,” Loki said, using his other hand to pet Bruce’s hair like he was a dog. Bruce, unsure of what to do, and slightly too injured to jerk away, just blinked at Loki’s giant eyes, trying to figure out what was happening. Strangely enough, Loki looked not only calm but somewhat sad as he pet Bruce’s head, looking at his various arrey on injuries with glossy green eyes. 

“You very sad,” Loki observed. 

“I’m not really sad it’s okay,” Bruce said. 

“No you sad,” Loki corrected him. “I do it gentle,” 

“...okay?” Bruce said, confused. Loki nodded his head happily, continuing to mess up Bruces hair. Bruce stayed awkwardly silent, until someone banged into him room, saving him from starting a conversation. 

_ “Loki you are so dead,” _ Thor said, narrowing his eyes. “Hi Bruce,  _ Loki-” _

“No no no no,” Loki said, waving his hand. “You do it nicely or you leave,” 

“What- dude I told you not to move-” 

“That’s not nicly,” Loki said, crossing his tiny arms. 

“Loki-” 

_ “Shh, nicely,”  _

\---

Tony pulled into his home with a sigh. Bruce was hopefully stable enough to transfer to a closer hospital soon, and in the meantime there where about a million different people working on a million different things involving the case. Tony would normally be helping but even  _ he _ had to sleep sometimes, and it’d been more then four days sense he’d seen a bed, which was usually his limit.

He was about to unlock the door, when it swung open on it’s own. Usually Jarvis can open the door for him, but he hadn’t told him to, so this was just straight up creepy, especially given the level of security in the house. 

“Whoever you are fuck off!” Tony yelled as he stepped in. He was not exactly in the mood to be dealing with anyone right now, particularly any burglars. Honestly they could just take whatever they wanted, as long as they let him sleep. 

“What did you just say young man?” His father said, stepping out of the living room, still in his three piece suit. Tony almost resisted rolling his eyes, then remembered who he was, and  _ did _ roll his eyes. 

“Oh, look who it is,” Tony said. “I’m shaking in fear,” 

“Anthony-” 

“Tell you what, there’s alcohol everywhere, why don’t you get drunk enough to take the edge off while I go take a nap, sound good?” Tony said, turning away. 

_ “Anthony Edward Stark-” _

“What are you going to do man?” Tony asked, turning half way up the fancy staircase. “Seriously, are you going to yell at me? Because I don’t care about that. What- are you gonna hurt me? That’d suck but I’d rather you just get it over with. You won’t take away any of my fancy science toys because that would mean you have to keep me entertained some other way which I  _ know _ you won’t wanna do, so why are we still here?” Tony asked, throwing his hands up. He didn’t wait for his fathers response, turning and making a run for his bedroom before he could hear anything from his dad. 

“Jar secure the upstairs, don’t let him through no matter what, okay?” Tony said. 

“Yes sir,” Jarvis said. “But I can not guarantee that he will not be able to override the code-” 

“Just do what you can,” Tony said, flopping face first onto the bed and sighing, before reaching under his bed and grabbing a bottle. 

“Sir do you need a reminder on the legal drinking age again?” Jarvis said. “You are almost half the age of the youngest legal drinkers,” 

“Shh,” Tony said, sitting up. “I’m rich, the law is a illusion,” 

“Sir this is why the government is concerned about you,” Jarvis said. “Rightfully so,” 

“Oh come on,” Tony said. “Hey, think about it this way, domestic terrorists have been involved in at least ten attacks on my family, we’re practically the CIA helping catch them over here,” 

“Sir I would really wish you go to sleep,” Jarvis said. “You’re giving my mainframe a headache and I’m robotic,” 

“Smartass,” Tony muttered under his breath, taking a swig from the bottle and lying down. “Lights out. And see if you can kick my dad out while you’re at it,” 

“Yes sir,” 

\---

“So what exactly are your plans with Bruce?” Darline asked the social worker. She’d been there to viset Bruce, but no one was allowed to talk to him until Loki fell asleep, so the two of them where out in the waiting room while Thor tried to bribe Loki off of the poor guy. 

“Well he obviously has to go to someone, he’s to young to try and take care of himself, so unless he has any family in the area that would be willing to take him, he’s be going into foster care. Right now that would probably be the safest option, given that they think his father will make a full recovery,” The social worker said. Darline nodded, tapping her hand against her knee. 

“My son goes to school with him, but... “ Darline started. “Well me and my husband where talking about trying to help out one of my sons other friends, who’s been living with a different foster family. Now they turned out to be difficult to work with, so that’s on hold, but technically we’re registered as foster parents…” 

“It is always best to keep a kid in the community they have, so if we can find any way to do that, I promise you we will,” The social worker said. “But fostering a abuse case is  _ never _ easy, the board will most likely want someone with experience dealing with these kinds of cases,” 

“Well I may have never fostered before, but I know Bruce, he’s spent a lot of time at my house,” Darline said. “We knew about the abuse, and tried to get him to a hospital. He was with us when his dad took him. I just… he’s not a very… social kid, I don’t think that living with a compleat stranger would be good for him,” 

“Tell you what,” the social worker said. “I’ll try and vouch for you when we start looking for a permanent placement, but as long as you are registered as a foster parent then you should be able to take him for a little while. Just while we get things sorted out,” she said. Darline smiled at her, opening her phone. 

“I’ll let my husband know,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what can I say except ~you're welcome~


	46. OH LAWRD NO THE AUTHOR ISN'T DONE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AINT DONE MESSING UP THEIR LIVES YET

“Sir your father is still in the living room would you like me to-” 

“Jarvis, if you mention my father one more time I’m going to absolutely lose it,” Tony said. “In the meantime, would you mind showing my the footage backed up to Bruces phone?” Tony asked. 

“That won’t be possible without-” 

“I’ve had everything backed up to my computer live, it should all be there,” Tony said. “It’s in file ‘Bruce spy stuff’,” 

“Ah yes the ever formal names of your files,” Jarvis said. “File found,” 

“Thanks man,” Tony said, praying that he found something incriminating or halariuse. “Mirror screen on the extra phone, okay?” Tony asked, picking up the phone he used for things like this. On screen the phone showed him a generic green forest background, presenting him with a lock code. Within two seconds Tony got in. The first six digits of Pi wasn’t exactly conspicuous with STEM kids. 

“Alright, let’s see what we can find,” Tony said. 

“Although I fear the answer, may I ask why exactly you feel the need to go through Bruce’s phone?” Jarvis asked. 

“Well, one the on hand, I want something  _ horribly embarrassing, _ which is why I’m really hoping he had reddit, but I also want to know if he was smart enough to document anything that’s been happening,” 

“It does seem a series of videos where taken over periods of time under his fathers care, would you care to view them?” JArvis asked. Tony sat upright, shaking his head. 

“Yes! Pull them up!” Tony said. “Filter by relevance and show me the earliest you can,” On his screen his phone navigated to the camera app on it’s own, scrolling back.  _ “Yes Bruce!” _ Tony exclaimed, scrolling through the photos. Aside from pictures of homework, Bruce had documented things through videos and photos of both his home and bruises, presumably caused by his father. 

“Bruce you’re a genius,” Tony said. Two or three of the videos Bruce had taken would have been enough to help him convict, but they had almost a full albums worth of proof on his phone. “Jar upload all of this to my database alright?” 

“Alright sir. I would advice based on the content of these videos that you not review these until they have been censored, there is a lot of sensitive content that may be disturbing, particularly if you-” 

“Jarvis I’m not five, I can handle it,” Tony said, rolling his eyes. Now, feeling defiant, he clicked on a random video in the middle. 

And he quickly closed it. 

“Sir-” 

“Remind me to listen to you next time,” Tony said, shuttering. The few seconds of screams and a unsettling crack was more then enough. 

“Yes sir,” Jarvis said, sounding slightly amused. “I’m sorry sir,” 

“That was like… a lot of blood,” Tony said. 

“Yes sir,” 

“How long ago was that?” Tony asked.

“About eight months ago sir,” Jarvis said. 

“It’s been going on that long?” Tony asked. 

“It seems it’s been going on for approximately 11 years, particularly given that would be around the time of the estimated disappearance of his mother. Although there is minor evidence that the abuse existed earlier to his infancy,” Jarvis said. “The main piece of evidence is based off of injuries he was taken to the emergency room for, the main one complain being a headache that ended up in a fractured skull,” Jarvis said. 

“Shit… how old was he then?” Tony asked. 

“15 months old, sir,” Jarvis said. “It seems the abuse worsened significantly after his mothers death, which is also when their income destabilised. Do to a back injury, resulting in chronic pain, Brian Banner was unable to work, leaving Rebecca Banner to be the primary income,” He informed. 

“What was her job?” Tony asked. 

“She worked as a Biochemist research scientist at the Cleveland Clinic’s main Campus. Her salary was about 80K a year. After her death Brian collected her life insurance and applied for disability,”

“Good to know the brains don’t come from his dad,” Tony said, tossing a tennis ball at the wall, brow furrowed. “Not that I really expected that in the first place,” 

“There is still a search for Rebecca Banner, as her case was never officially solved,” Jarvis said. “She was forced to quit her job by Brian, which she mentioned in a coded email to her friend. She continued to have contact with a few people up until January 23 2010, in which every attempt to contact anyone completely stopped,” Jarvis said. “Brian reported her mission to the police, who started a investigation but nothing came from it,” 

“What do you think happened?” Tony asked. 

“I am an artificial intelligence sir, I can not think,” Jarvis said. Tony just raised an eyebrow, staring at the ceiling. “It is most likely she was murdered at some point on the 23. Based off of a behavioral change in Bruce, noted on one of his last school reports under his given name, that he most likely observed a unspecified traumatic incident around the same time,” Jarvis said. “Given the evidence and length of her disapeernece, there is a very little likelihood of her survival. 0.0000031 percent, exactly,” 

“Oh Bruce,” Tony laughed, running a hand through his hair. “Your life is even more depressing then I thought,” 

\---

“Loki can we please just-” 

“Needle is not nice,” Loki said, crossing his arms. 

“We just need to draw some blood,” The nurse said. 

“Not nice,” Loki reiterated. 

“It will barley poke him,” 

“No,” Loki said. “You leave now,” 

“Alright, visiting time is over,” Thor said, grabbing Loki by his forearms and lifting him well away from anything he could grab. “I’ll see you later Bruce. Hopefully  _ without _ this little brat,” 

“Hey! I’m not a bat!” Loki yelled. “I’m a person!” 

“No- oh boy,” Thor said. Bruce smiled slightly, waving goodbye to them as the discussion continued loudly into the hallway. The nurse sighed in relief, finally sticking him in the arm. 

“We’re going to have someone from CPS come in once I’m done with this,” The nurse said. “They want to discuss home placement with you,” 

“Oh,” Bruce said. Somehow it never occurred to him that he wouldn’t be allowed to live alone. He’d already been taking care of himself for so long it didn’t seem like that big of a deal. 

“Don’t worry, they’re very nice,” The nurse said, patting his arm and left. Not five minutes later, a older lady with a neat grey bob and a huge stack of files worked her way into the room. 

“Robert?” She asked, tilting her head. 

“Uh- it’s… I… my name’s Bruce,” Bruce said. “Or- I go by Bruce,” 

“Alright. Bruce,” She said. “We’re going to be placing you with a very experienced family as soon as you are healthy enough to get out of the hospital,” She said. “They are a very nice couple, over a dozen kids with much worse home lives have gone on to live a successful life after their care,” 

“Will I still be able to go to the same school?” Bruce asked quietly, fiddling with the blankets. 

“We think it would be best for you to have a completely new start,” 

Bruce sat up at that, widening his eyes. He didn’t want to go to a new school, he was barely hanging on as it is, he couldn’t deal with new people who wanted to talk to him or new teachers. It took him 15 years to make friends, he couldn’t start over. The only way he got through school now was by diverting all the conversations people would have with him to Thor. 

“I don’t wanna change schools,” Bruce said quietly, furrowing his brow. 

“We think it could cause more trama,” She said. “A new start will make it easier for you to segregate the trama from the rest of your life,” 

“But I like the rest of my life,” Bruce said. “I- I mean I have friends, I can’t get new friends, I don’t do that,” 

“I’m sure you are going to be able to-” 

“You don’t get it,” Bruce said. “I don’t know how to do that. I don’t want to do that, I can’t leave,” 

“Bruce you’re going to need social skills in your life. Now is a great time to start,” She said. 

“Can I please just stay here?” Bruce asked. “I can’t go somewhere new,” 

“If your family is willing they might get a severance for you to go to another school, but they would have to drive you every day,” She said. “Besides I don’t think you should be worrying about school, you probably won’t be back for a few months, if not more,” 

“...what?”

“We’ve discussed with your school district. We’re going to give you at least three months for physical and emotinal recovery,” She said. 

“You can’t do that,” Bruce said, quietly. “I need school,” 

“You used to need school to avoid what you where dealing with at home, now you can begine to let go-” 

“I don’t want to let go, I want to go to school,” Bruce said. “Please. I need school and I need my friends,” 

“Well… you’ve given me a lot to think about,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAHHH THIS WHOLE PLOTLINE IS MY ABSOLUTE FAVE
> 
> ...I hope you didn't think things would be OKAY for Bruce after this ;) 
> 
> also I get to see my dogs again tomorrow for the first time in five months. Idk how long we will get them but I can't wait!!
> 
> comment more ideas to torture people/cute shit I can do, I love the ideas


	47. into the woods (hills) to grandmothers house (a dead body)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aye aaaye

“Bruce we’ve got to save you,” Tony said, bursting through the door with two black coffees and muffins. “I know the lady at the foster home they are going to try and send you to, the ladies crazy,” Tony said. “I mean  _ crazy _ . You’d hate her, she paraids her foster kids around at those galas my parents go to, someone needs to break it to her that all she needs is a scruffy dog,” Tony said, handing him a muffin and a coffee. “Seriously man you’d hate her. You shouldn’t go,” 

“I know,” Bruce said quietly, setting the muffin on the side table. 

“I mean really, and the dad is one of those bootstrap kinda guys, and the house would go horribly with your whole vibe, it’s all bright, no earth tones at all- what did you say?” Tony asked, tilting his head. 

“I know. I don’t want to go,” Bruce said quietly. 

“You don’t want to go?” Tony asked. “Then- why are you going? What’s going on? They said you’re going to be out of school forever, it’s ridiculous by the way, how much time they're giving you off. They know how smart you are right? I should have you take a IQ test, I bet you that could get them to change their minds- hold on so you don’t want to go?” 

“No,” 

“Why are you going then?” Tony asked. 

“I don’t have a choice,” 

“You  _ always _ have a choice. And you should have a lawyer, do you have a lawyer? We should get you a lawyer- I bed Darline could- no, shit, if she’s going to foster you then that wouldn’t work- I’ll hire you one, a really good one, you should have someone advocating for you, and trust me it’s a mistake if you do it before you have one, and somehow I have a feeling that you won’t be running around stating your own case in custody court. But that doesn't mean that-” 

“Tony,” Bruce interrupted quietly. It was a difficult skill that he’d mastered, and it completely cut Tony off. 

“Yes?” 

“You’re doing the thing,” Bruce said, rubbing the back of his neck and taking a swig of coffee. 

“Shit you’re right,” Tony said, sitting on his bed. “I’m sorry. Have some muffin, it’s blueberry,” 

“I told you I don’t like sugar-” 

“Yeah, you’re also depressed, see a correlation?” Tony said. “I guess that could also be contributed to the horrific abuse, but Wade’s doing just fine,” 

“What about Wade-” 

“Oh don’t worry about it,” Tony said. “It’s totally different then your dad’s bullshit,” 

“That’s not exactly a yardstick to measure parents by,” Bruce said with a half grin. 

_ “There’s _ the Bruce I know! I missed yah,” Tony said with a smile. “And eat your muffin,” 

“Not hungry,” 

“Well you should be. You know coffee is an appetite suppressant,” Tony said. “I know because the PR team has me be on all these crazy diets for TV shit. Unlike you, who needs to  _ gain _ weight. You look like a stick,” 

“Thanks,” Bruce said dryly, taking a bite of the muffin with an eye roll. It wasn’t like he didn’t want to eat, he just hadn’t felt hungry yet. 

“Okay- aw fuck Howard is calling,” Tony said. 

“Your dad?” Bruce asked, suppressed. “Don’t they like… never talk to you?” 

“Until I screw up,” Tony said with a cocky smile. Bruce raised an eyebrow at Tony’s bravado. 

“You should take- did you just hang up?” 

“What, answering is like  _ signing up _ for a lecture,” Tony said. “What are they going to do, actually come and talk to me?” 

“This feels wrong,” Bruce said. 

“Come on man, why are you worried about  _ my _ family trama, you’re literally hospitalised,” 

Bruce shook his head, smiling. “It could be worse,” 

“Tell me one way it could be worse,” 

“I could be you,” 

\---

_ “Hey Sam’s mom I really need your help!” _ Clint yelled, running into Sam’s kitchen and slamming the door behind him. Darline, who was drinking coffee at the bar, set down her book and glasses, smiling at him. 

“What did you do?” She asked. “There’s coffee in the machine,” 

_ “Okay so there was a problem with Natasha because her team was like starving her, and it’s not like she has a eating disorder, because she was doing it willlingly and didn’t actually care how she looked, but there where other girls with eating disorders and they where like fainting and stuff, so me and the football team tried to help but then it didn’t work and so then me and the team decided to go on strike because the school needs the football team to get any money but NOW they are going to call our parents and my foster family is already mad at me because I kinda shot a person on accident from the roof EVEN THROUGH it was just my brother and he was being a asshole, and then I-”  _

“Would you like me to talk to your teachers and act like your foster mom?” Darline asked, taking a sip of coffee. 

“Would you?” He asked, looking at her like a adorably scared puppy. 

“Sure,” she said. “But you need to go back to school,” 

_ “Ah-” _

“Or I could call your foster mom,” 

“I’ll go back,” Clint said, pouting. “But I don’t know how to stop the coach,” 

“What’s the coach doing?” Darline asked. 

“He keeps putting them on these crazy diets. Some of the freshmen who are  _ already _ underweight lost almost twenty pounds in a month,” Clint said. 

“Do the parents know?” Darline asked. Clint paused, looking at her. 

“I… don’t know,” He said. Darline smiled at him, picking up her phone. 

“Let me make some calls,” 

\---

“Hey Nat guess what!” Clint said as soon as she answered her phone. 

“What,” 

“Darline called the parents of some of the cheer leaders and it turns out they don’t want their daughters on the crazy diets, they’re fighting with the coach now. I can come back to class! And you don’t have to eat crazy anymore!” 

“That’s nice,” Natasha said. 

“Isn’t that great!” Clint said, smiling. “I mean I know some of those kids got screwed up, but like… it should help! You do think it will help right?” 

“Oh yeah,” Natasha said. “Look Clint, I’ve gotta go, I’ll talk later okay?” 

“Uh- sure?” Clint said. That was weird for Natasha, usually she would just hang up if she didn’t want to talk. “Is everything fine?” 

“It’s  _ peachy _ I just can’t talk,” natasha said. “I’ll meet you at Sam’s tomorrow morning, around 11ish, okay?” 

“Alright,” Clint said. “Bye,” 

“Bye,” 

Natasha set down her phone, turning it back to silent mode, as she pulled into the parking lot. It was about a hour long hike to get up the large hill in front of her, probably longer to get to wherever Brian had stored the body. 

She wasn’t  _ stealing _ a body per se, not exactly, because she was going to put everything back the way she found it, she just needed some evidence of her own. You never want to do something until you have all the facts, and a body is a pretty solid fact. Plus, if she could mysteriously give directions to where to find a random missing corpse, it would only help her to continue freaking out the boys.

“Come on buddy,” Natasha said, opening her trunk. She’d also grabbed Hulk, who’d been left alone running up and down Darline’s yard. She figured it was good exercise for the dog, and good protection for herself. Plus, he seemed to like her.

Hulk jumped down, licking her hand for a second, before starting down the trail, his cropped ears flat against his head and his tail between his legs. 

“Hey scaredy cat, you need a leash,” She yelled. Hulk paused, and then turned back to her and hiding behind her leg as she grabbed the leash and her shovel. “Come on, lets go before someone sees us,” 

\---

“Hey Darline I gotta go,” Clint said, pulling on his jacket. 

“Why?” she asked. 

“Nat’s in trouble,” 

“Alright, just text me when you get there so I know you’re okay,” She said. 

“Aye aye,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will Natasha be okay? Will Bruce be forced into a new home? How many of them have eating disorders?? tune in later to find out ;)
> 
> also my dogs wont stop licking my face and I can't breath, so if I never update again you know what happened.


	48. Duck Duck Natasha

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy ;)

“Come on bud,” Natasha said, giving Hulks a tug. He whimpered, trying to sit down on the steep slope and briefly lost his footing. She sighed, sitting down next to him with a glare. “Look Hulk, I know it’s scary in the dark, and you are not exactly an adventuring dog, but I need to make sure that this is the right body, because, between you and me, I wouldn’t put it past Howard to go crazy like that with other people too. So let’s go, and I promise you can get a treat on the way home, okay?” 

Hulk perked up at the words ‘treat’ and ‘home’ making Nat smile slightly. She pulled out a piece of turkey she’d stuffed in a plastic bag and gave it to him, trying to keep him on track. Although in reality she was probably training him to whine for food. 

“Alright, let’s go,” She said, giving him an extra hard tug. Finally he followed her, trotting at hip height with his ears perked. She patted his head and took off at a jog, half just to keep up with his long legs. Which he apparently took as permission to  _ sprint. _

_ “Hulk no! I can’t run that fast-” _

\---

“-which is why then my father tried to address the issue with Marilyn Mansion himself, but that dude was smart and wanted nothing to do with my father because he thought that he would sue him, and Mr. Mansion was  _ so right _ because that’s exactly what my father did. He tried to say he was ‘caused distress by his unnatural appearance’ and that it ‘put unfair strain on his heart’ my Marilyn thought this was bullshit  _ as he should _ -and I mean I  _ know _ there are all of those accusations against him now, but I mean come on, what did you  _ think _ would happen in those trailers after a show, the guy has a reputation for a reason- and so anyway he was  _ going _ to counter sue- am I bothering you? You look bothered?” Tony asked, taking a breath for the first time in like tine minutes. 

“No this is great,” Bruce said. “I can barely hear myself losing my will to live,” 

“As if you haven’t lost it already,” Tony said, tape-punching his shoulder. “Anyway, so my dad tried to get my mom to fake accuse him, but she was like  _ “Howard that will take away from the real victims,” _ you know-” Tony said, doing an impersonation of his mother. “And then my dad was like  _ “But you are as much a victim as any of them,” _ which is ridiculous because my mom only talked to him for like eight minutes, so how could he have done anything to her! Anyway, that’s when my dad tried to get in with this random dude named Ben Witt-something I don’t really remember, and Howard thought he was the  _ biggest _ rival, but it turns out he backed down  _ years  _ ago, but my dad doesn't know he’s nowhere near as cool now and so he’s still trying to gang up on him and-” 

“Bruce?” The social worker asked, walking in  _ without _ knocking. “It’s time to go,” 

“Go?” Bruce asked, looking at Tony confused. 

“Hold on, where exactly do you plan on taking Bruce?” Tony asked. 

“He needs a good home, someone who understands-” 

“Oh  _ bullshit _ you just don’t want to keep paying for his hospital care. He doesn't have a guardian here and there is no one to pick up the bill but the hospital, because you guys know that Howard won’t pick it up, so the hospital is pressuring you to get Bruce out, which is ridiculous, if you look at him you can see that he shouldn’t be allowed to stand on his own, let alone go to a completely random strangers home, of a lady who  _ by the way _ should not be a foster mother. No doctor in their right mind would sign a release form, he’d be leaving against medical advice I mean  _ look _ at him-” 

“We think Bruce seems fine-” 

“Bruce are you fine?” Tony asked, raising his eyes and turning to Bruce. Bruce just shrugged, unsure of what to do.  _ “Look at him, does _ this look fine to you? I mean he’s practically a walking  _ corpse _ I bet you the only thing that is keeping him alive right now is that giant IV they stuck up his artery pumping him full of a million things,” 

“I’ll… go confirm with the doctor,” The social worker said, retraitering to the hallway. 

They watched her go, Bruce turning to Tony. “thanks for the corpse thing,” 

“What else is a friend for?” 

\---

“Come on bud, we can’t do this every switch back, we’re never getting there,” Natasha said. “And you are  _ way _ too big to carry,” Hulk dropped his head down, cowering and whimpering behind her. “Come on Hulk, it’s not so bad-” She was cut off by Hulk swinging his head around to the right and growling, moving from a protective to a defensive stance. 

“Dude what are you-” His barking cut her off, as he tried to charge at the hill. “OW-  _ calm down _ there’s nothing there!” She yelled, trying to pull him away. Unfortunately, at 210 pounds -Daline had been feeding him well- Hulk well outweighed her. As she tried to pull him back she lost her footing, but kept her grip on the leash, leaving Hulk to pull them over the hill and into the scraggly bush. 

_ “Stop! What are you doing!” _ She yelled as he barreled up the hill.  _ “I liked you a lot better when you were scared!” _ Natasha finally let go of the leash, leaving Hulk to run up and over the hill, growling and barking all the way. She sighed, picking herself up to go look for him. 

“Ay who are you?” Someone yelled. Natasha turned around, seeing a man up on top of the hill, with Hulk enthusiastically trying to lick his face. 

“Oh, that’s my dog, sorry about that,” Natasha said, moving to grab Hulk. 

“What are you doing’ here?” The man asked. 

“Just going for a hike. It’s an open trail,” Natasha pointed out. The man huffed, kicking at Hulk. “Hey, leave the dog alone, he hasn’t done anything to you,” 

“Listen little lady-” 

“Don’t call me that,” 

“You best get going, this isn’t a place for you,” He said. 

“We established that this is a place for everyone already,” Natasha said. “Open trail,” 

“Look I don’t want to have a problem here,” 

“Then leave me alone,” Natasha said, stepping forward, moving to take Hulks leash. 

_ “Stay back!” _ He said, stepping back and raising a rifle. 

“I’m grabbing the damn dog to calm down!” Natasha said, lunging to get Hulk’s leash as Hulk tried to follow the guy. Hulk jumped up, catching one of his claws in the mesh bag on the hunters back, ripping it open and causing over a dozen shot birds to spill out. 

“These are Lark Sparrows,” Natasha said, staring at the dead birds as Hulk picked one up. “This is a critically endangered species- how did you even find a dozen of them?” She asked. 

“I said to back down!” The man yelled, taking another step. “I swear I’m gonna shoot that damn dog of yours!” 

“Hulk did nothing wrong! It’s not his fault that you decided to fund illegal game!” she yelled. Hulk- agitated by the yelling, lunged for the man, who raised his gun. Natasha, without thinking, moved to pull Hulk away, grabbing his leash and running down the hill, assuming the man did the same in the other direction. 

“Alright, shh it’s okay,” Natasha said, petting his head. Hulk kept pacing back and forth, whimpering. “Are you hurt? Shh, it’s okay-” She paused, looking down at her white tee shirt, seeing blood start to seep through it. 

“Fuck,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well you didn't expect it to be HAPPY did you??


	49. Life is never simple

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These poor children

Clint had no idea why he was so sure he had to follow Natasha out into  _ another state _ which they’d just left. Well, technically Natasha hadn’t left it yet, but he had, until his phone rang. He reached over, only half caring about the road, to answer. 

“Yello-” 

“Clint I need you to come get me,” Natasha said on the line. 

“Nat? What happened? Are you okay?” Clint asked. 

“I’m about three miles into the hills Brian was taking Bruce into. I was looking for his mom, some asshole hunting illegal game tried to shoot Hulk. He missed but it got me,” She said. “I can’t go to the hospital,” 

“What- why can’t you go to the hospital?” He asked. 

“My parents aren't legal immigrants from Russia, if they figure that out we’re screwed,” Natasha said. “Confidentiality doesn't matter, they get scared when they hear the accent” Speaking of accent, she must be really hurt, because Clint could hear it coming through, which usually only happened when she was really tired or really angry. Or apparently really hurt. 

“I’m on my way, just hold on,” Clint said. “I was already coming, but I’m coming from new york, it could be a few hours,” 

“Hulks lying on me, it’s kinda stopping the bleeding,” she said. “I just need someone to pick me up,” 

“I’ll be there as fast as I can,” Clint said, stepping harder on the gas pettel. “Are you okay for now, is- like your vision okay and stuff? Is everything fine?” 

“Oh yes, aside from the bullet hole it’s just sunshine and roses,” Natasha said, panting slightly. 

“Tasha,” Clint said, furrowing his eyebrows. 

“Fine,” She hissed. “I’m super light headed, but that makes sense. Slight double vision and- oh yes the  _ bullet hole,” _

“Okay okay, sorry,” Clint said. They stayed on silent for a few minutes, Clint staying on the line, somewhat scared to hang up. 

“Sorry for yelling,” She said. “But there’s a huge dog covered in blood lying on top of me and a maniac with a gun roaming the hills of Ohio with my friend's dead mom buried somewhere close,” She said.

“Of the two of us you have a right to snap,” Clint said. “I’m going to be there soon okay? Keep Hulk on the wound, and try and get something in between you and the dog,”

“I’ll try,” Natasha said, hissing a moment later. 

“What did you just do, did you make it worse?” Clint asked. 

“I’m pulling off my shirt,” She said, “But it’s all stuck to me because of the blood.” 

“...you’re taking off your shirt?” 

“Oh my gosh you’re the worst,” 

\---

“Are you sure you don’t need the wheel chair?” The nurse asked Bruce again. They where going for a meeting with the new foster family and they kept being shocked at Bruce’s ability to walk. 

“If he did I think it would be evident by now,” Tony said. 

“Where are your parents?” The nurse asked. Tony just laughed, standing up. 

“In a better place,” Tony said. Bruce rolled his eyes at Tony, grinning. “Besides I’m being helpful,” 

“By pointing out that everyone who wears a hospital gown looks like a old lady?” The nurse asked. 

“And then giving Bruce a sweater instead!” Tony said, gesturing to Bruce’s normal clothing. “See! I helped!” 

“Alright no more visitation from you,” The nurse said, closing the door in Tony’s face. “I swear I’m calling daycare on that kid,” 

“He’s not so bad,” Bruce said quietly, following her with his heavy duty IV, full of everything but pain killers. He’d asked them to not put any in. He said it was because it made his head foggy, but really he’d seen his dad pop one to many pills to be comfortable with it, even if they swore up and down it was necessary. They’d said it was necessary for his dads back to. 

“We have different standards,” The nurse said. They arrived in the conference room, where a older couple was pacing impatiently. The women had a blonde bob with ridiculously sharp points, a million tiny pieces of jewlery that she couldn’t keep her hands off of, and a very nice -if not surprisingly revealing- top. Seriously who wore that to viset a kid you don’t know in a hospital. She was also apparently attempting to smother Bruce with about eight pumps to many of some awful perfume. 

The man was a bit rougher looking. He definitely reminded Bruce of his dad, with poorly cut greying hair and a belt cinched to tight over a beer belly. He’d thrown a wrinkled blazer on over a nasty white tee shirt with some kind of food stain, and kept scratching his unkempt beard distractedly. 

Already Bruce couldn't  _ wait _ to be in their home. They looked like the kind of people to fight about whether a plant had feelings. 

They probably didn’t clean their windows either. 

“Bruce, this is Mr. and Mrs. Bonar,” The nurse said with a smile. “I’ll leave you alone,” 

The moment the nurse was out of the room the trash talk begane from the women. “It’s pronounced Bon- _ ar _ not Bon- _ er _ I don’t know what she was thinking. With that awful hair due as well, no wonder she’s on inviled duty,” 

“Don’t worry about it,” the man said, propping his dirty shoes up on the nice table, making Bruce cringe. 

“Now dear, tell us  _ all _ about you,” 

“Uh…” Bruce said, squirming uncomfortably under the womens intense stair. They sat in silence for almost a full minute, Bruce trying to figure out  _ anything _ to say, while the lady kept staring, seemingly sizing him up, and the guy kept flipping through his phone. 

“Well you must have  _ something _ happening in your life!” She said, throwing her hands up. “Any special girls?” 

Bruce shook his head. 

“Any clubs?” 

Shake

“After school activities?” 

Shake

_ “Sports?” _

Bruce actually laughed at that one, before remembering she was probably being sincere, and then shook his head. 

“Leave him alone dear, the boy doesn’t have to talk if he doesn’t want to,” the guy said. 

“Well if we’re bringing someone into our family I would at least like to know who he is,” she said. “Oh for all we know he could be a  _ vandal _ or a  _ bum,” _

Bruce bit his lip, trying to keep from laughing at the emphasis she put on the words. Between that and him just… being himself, the conversation seemed absurd, and yet she was clearly very upset by the thought, as she toyed with an expensive looking necklace. 

“I should go,” Bruce said, as soon as it had been -according to the noisy clock- five entire minutes with no talking whatsoever.

“So soon?” she asked. 

Bruce just nodded, turning away and slipping out of the hallway. There weren't any markings to indicate which way they had come, but Bruce didn’t wait to figure it out, darting down the hallway to the right, which eventually led him to a stairway. He looked at the stairs to go back to his floor, before sighing and sitting down, leaning against the railing. 

_ “Bruce!” _ Someone called, making him jump.  _ “Bruce- _ are you okay?” 

“Jeez- hi Thor,” Bruce said, looking up at Thor, running up the stairs. “I’m fine,” 

“You don’t look fine,” Thor said bluntly. Bruce laughed, running a hand through his hair. “You need some help?” He asked, holding out his hand. 

Bruce smiled, taking the hand and gingerly pulled himself up. Thor grabbed his arm and slung it over his shoulders, turning out the door. “Where are we going?” 

“The elevator,” Thor said with a smile. 

“Yeah,” Bruce said, shifting to avoid the ache in his ribs. “Probably a good idea,” 

\---

“Nat! Nat where are you?” Clint yelled, hopping out of his car and running up to the trail head.  _ “Natasha!”  _ A few seconds later his phone rang, startling him. He grabbed it, answering. “Hello?” 

“Clint instead of screaming into the hills you could have just called me,” Natasha said. “I’m at the bottom of the first giant hill,” 

“Oh- okay,” Clint said. “Is Hulk still there?” 

“Ugh- yes,” Natasha said. “And each time he breaths it feels like I’m being stabbed over and over again, so if you could hurry up I’d appreciate it,” 

“I’m already running,” Clint said. “I’ll be there any minute now alright?” 

“Okay,” Natasha said. “I’m dizzy, I don’t think I can keep holding up my phone, i’m going to hang up okay?” 

“No- stay on the line,” Clint said, panicking slightly. 

“Clint I can’t-” 

“Keep talking, it’ll keep you awake,” Clint said. “I can see the big hill, it’ll just be for a second,” 

“Fine,” Natasha said, taking a shaky breath. “Can you see me yet?” 

“No,” Clint said. “But I see a giant hill with a few dead birds on it, so I think i’m heading in the right direction,” 

“Okay,” Natasha said. “I can’t talk I have to hang up,” 

“Nat-” The line cut off before he could finish.  _ “Shit,” _

He ran a hand through his dirty blond hair, looking around. Until she’d hung up he was sure he knew where he was suppose to go, but now he felt completely at a loss. Shaking his head, Clint decided to just go for the largest hill he could see and work from there. Luckily Natasha hadn’t gotten far, and was lying in a bloody heap at the bottom, with Hulk stretched across her. 

And- no matter how bad the timing was- Clint couldn’t help but notice that she actually  _ wasn’t _ wearing a shirt. 

“Nat are you awake?” Clint asked, touching her shoulder. She jolted up, staring at him with large green eyes. Her face was pale and waxy, the illusion only increasing thanks to the pale moonlight. Her hair had been pulled up at one point, but now lay across her face, only half contained by a low ponytail, the deep red reflecting in the light. Clint moved, both pushing Hulk off of her and sliding an arm under her waist to pull her up. That’s when the blood became obvious. 

There was a  _ lot _ of blood. 

“You need to go to the ER Nat,” Clint said, glaring at her. Natasha grabbed his arm, apparently only slightly weakened by the blood loss as her perfectly painted nails bit into his arm.

“Clint, if you take me to the hospital I am never forgiving you,” Natasha said. “I would end up back in Russia and you would be here alone, is that really what you want?” 

“I want you to live,” Clint said simply, bending his knees and scooping her up. 

_ “Fuck,” _

“Sorry!” Clint said, moving her so she could lean against his chest while he carried her, smoothing her hair back. She really didn’t look good. 

“Just move,” Natasha said. “I want to go to sleep,” 

_ “Don’t _ go to sleep,” Clint said, kissing her forehead. “Hulk, come on,” Hulk, looking as traumatized as ever, hunkered over to him, still dripping blood and with his tail between his legs. 

“Where do you take a bleeding teenager who won’t go to the hospital…” Clint muttered to himself, making his way back to the car. 

“Home-” 

“I have a better idea,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, normal teenage issues.


	50. Chapter 50

“This is probably going to hurt,” Clint said, lifting Natasha up and putting her on the passenger side of his car. She couldn’t really sit up very well, so he helped her half lay down before closing the door and moving to the other side. Natasha was still holding her old tee shirt against the bullet wound, but she wasn’t as effective as Hulk was, especially not after having moved around so much. 

“Let me get that,” Clint said, sliding into the drivers seat after he’d helped Hulk get into the back. Natahsa surprisingly didn’t protest much, just leaned against him as he tried to stop the bleeding. “We should really go to the hospital Nat,” 

“No,” Natasha said. “Absolutely not,” 

“Tasha-” 

“Clint,” Natasha said, glaring up at him as best she could. Clint sighed, kissing her head and starting the car. 

“For the record I think this is a horrible idea,” Clint said. “And if you get much worse I'm making you go,”Natasha just smiled at him, lying down again, now with her head in his lap as he sped down the highway at highly illegal speeds, praying he didn’t get pulled over. They’d been in the car for almost ten minutes before Clint released Natasha’s head was lolling to the side. 

“Tasha,” Clint said, shaking her slightly. She stayed asleep, although her face contorted a little bit. “Nat! Natasha,” He said with more urgency, using one hand to shake her awake. 

“Clint-” She said in a horse whisper. “I’m not dying, just let me sleep,”

“Here, google what happens if someone who was shot goes to sleep,” Clint said, pulling out his phone. 

“You do it,” She said, resting her head on his leg. 

“I’m driving I need to look at the road,” He said. 

“You didn’t care that much about the road when you where staring at my chest-” 

“Just google it,” 

“This only has stuff for brain injuries,” Natasha said. “I’m  _ fine,” _

“Well we could know that for sure by going to the  _ hospital-” _

_ “I am not going to the damn hospital!” _ Natasha said, throwing her arms up, subsequently streaking the windshield with her blood. “Ow-” 

“Don’t move,” Clint said, using one arm to drive while he pulled her completely into his lap across the front seat. “And don’t do that again or we’re going to end up crashing,” 

“Fine,” She panted, leaning her head back. It seemed like all the blood that  _ should _ be in her face was being drained out her side because Clint swore he’d seen paper with healthier coloring. It wasn’t a good sign she wasn’t fighting with him to. Her head rested against the window, bumping along with the car, and every slight jolt made her wince. 

“Nat you really don’t look good,” Clint said, staring at her. 

“Thanks,” She said. “I’m not going to the hospital,” 

Clint sighed, moving one of his hands under her back to help hold her closer to him. “Yeah, I know,” 

\---

Thor had dropped Bruce off at his room and left, returning shortly with two bags of fast food from one of the hospital stores. Bruce raised his eyebrows at all the food as Thor tossed him a bag. 

“I asked for a salad,” Bruce said, smiling. 

“I’m sure there is a salad in there somewhere,” Thor said, handing him a drink. Bruce rolled his eyes, but exempted the drink. “Aw come on, I swear you weigh less than Loki, this is healthy for you!” 

“This-” Bruce said, picking up a burger slathered in cheese and sauce, “Is healthy?” 

“Well food is healthy,” Thor said. “Maybe not this food specifically,” Bruce smiled at him, grabbing a carton of salt covered fries at the bottom of the grease stained bag. “Don’t you want a burger?” 

“I’m not really a meat person,” Bruce said, putting a fry in his mouth and almost wincing at the taste. Setting the carton down he decided he would go fishing for that salad Thor had mentioned. 

_ “How?” _ Thor asked, pulling out the salad and handing it to him. “How to you wake up every morning?” 

“Coffee,” Bruce said again. Thor blinked at him, confused. “What do you not drink-” 

“Say that again,” Thor said. 

“Coffee?” Bruce asked. “Why-” 

“You say it differently,” Thor said. 

“I do?” Bruce asked, looking at him concerned. “Wh- how do I say it-” 

“Don’t worry about it,” Thor said, grinning. 

“But-” 

“It’s cute,” Thor said, handing him the salad from his bag. 

“I- thanks?” Bruce asked, tilting his head. Thor handed him a fork, still smiling. “What?” 

“That was cute to,” 

\---

“Come on Nat, it’s only a couple hours more,” Clint said, shaking her. Natasha groaned, clutching her side. The bleeding had slowed down a lot but it was still sorta sluggishly oozing blood. On the plus side, it was starting to slow down, on the down side, Natasha was getting a lot worse. 

“Clint I can’t please just let me sleep,” She breathed against his shoulder. Her face was still pale and sweaty, and her hair had completely fallen out of its confinements, spread across her face and chest. 

“Tasha it’s not that long,” Clint said, kissing her forehead. “You’re alright, it should fly by. We’re more than halfway there,” 

“Please let me sleep,” She said, her breath catching. Clint looked away from the road, down at her tearstained face. Her bloodshot eyes made their green color almost unnaturally bright, and and her lips pressed together as she gritted her teeth in pain. “I can’t Clint,” 

Clint sighed, looking back to the road. “Okay, but only for five minutes, alright?” 

“Thank you,” She whispered against his shoulder, slumping over. He bit his lip, smoothing a hand over her head. He eyes the speedometer, stepping on the gas. 

It would be two hours to New York at their current speed, almost three if he kept to the speed limit, but only a hour and a half if he ignored all the pointless stop signs in the middle of the empty road. Seriously why where they even there, if not to completely ignore them? Natasha groaned in her sleep while Clint blew through the empty road. 

“Gonna kill me quicker then the bullet,” Natasha muttered, opening one eye. 

“Hey, I’m saving your life, don’t criticize my driving,”

\---

“Paul your phone’s ringing,” Darline said, handing him the phone. Paul sighed, grabbing the phone. 

“Paul Wilson, how can I help- oh no,” 

“Is it okay?”Darline asked. 

“I don’t-  _ no _ you have to go to the ER  _ I am a neurosurgeon _ you need to go to a Emergency doctor not me! Well- no I understand that but- well tell her it dosn’t matter- they have patient confidentiality laws- okay, okay fine,  _ no no no don’t do it yourself bring her here- _ that is  _ not  _ how you cauterise a wound- no no no no no just bring her here,” 

_ “What _ is happening?” Darline asked.Paul weighed, covering his phone. 

“Natasha was shot,” 

_ “What-” _

\--- 

“Come on Nat, come on,” Clint said, pulling into the driveway. There was blood  _ everywhere _ on the front row, the edges of the puddles dying to a disturbing dark brown that was never coming up. Natasha was pale and light and barely moving in his arms, a stark contrast from her usually active self. He wasn’t used to existing without her peanut gallery. Or general rudeness, whichever you called it, he missed it. 

“Okay just please don’t die,” Clint said, using his hand to open the door awkwardly, before stepping out. She was compleat dead weight, curling slightly into him as he kicked the door closed behind him. Hulk was clumsilly released as well, who subsiquently bolted to the front door, whining to be let in. Clint nudged the door closed and followed him, ringing the doorbell. 

Darline opened the door, her face grime when she saw Natasha. “You know Paul isn’t-” 

“She won’t let me take her anywhere, I just need someone to stitch her up,” Clint said. “Then we’ll go I promise,” 

Darline sighed, opening the door wider to let them through. Hulk seized the opportunity to dart into the house and onto their sofa, shaking. “Stay as long as you need,” 

“Thank you,” Clint said, following her in. “I should only be here for a little while, I can take Nat back to her place- no  _ shit _ her moms out of town,” 

“Could she stay with you?” Darline asked. Cling just laughed. 

“I’m sleeping in a leaky basement with rats and flooding. I’m pretty sure it’s the definition of infection,” Clint said. “Plus I’m pretty sure my moldy backpack in the corner is starting a family of black mold,” 

“You and Nat  _ both  _ are staying here, at least until she’s better enough to get around,” Darline said. “I’ve got a blow up mattress I’ll put downstairs, as long as you don’t mind sleeping in the basement,” Clint stared at her, shaking his head, but still looking somewhat confused. “Alright then, you take Nat to Paul and I’ll start setting up,”

“But- wait you don’t have to-” 

“Go,” she said, waving her hand. Clint nodded, grabbing Natasha and walking into the kitchen. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY HOW MANY OF YOU SAW THAT LAST EPISODE OF WANDAVISION I'M ACTUALLY DEAD  
> -i better not see spoilers in the comments tho not everyone's seen it. I will bop you- 
> 
> also it turns out my house is highly toxic and I'm been poisened so I'm in a hotel with four family members and two giant dogs. fml.


End file.
